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What if the secret to a thriving marriage isn’t found in perfection, but in the messy, beautiful journey of serving one another? After 20 years of marriage, raising six kids in eight years, and now navigating life with four teenagers (plus seven chickens, two dogs, and our newest additions—two goats), we've gathered a kind of wisdom that only comes through lived experience.

In this candid conversation, we’re sharing eight essential tips for building a strong foundation in marriage. From embracing what we call a “servitarian marriage”—where each of us makes a conscious effort to prioritize the other’s needs—to learning how to fight fair without ever mentioning “the D word,” we’ve found that practical, grounded advice speaks to both newlyweds and couples who’ve been in it for the long haul.

We talk about why we’ve never stopped doing date nights (even when parenting has us running on fumes), how keeping short accounts through forgiveness keeps our hearts soft, and why laughter is one of our most important tools in tough seasons.

We don’t shy away from the hard stuff, either. Financial disagreements? Yep—we’ve had our share. Coming from different economic backgrounds created tensions we’ve had to navigate with intention. We also share what we’ve learned about valuing all forms of intimacy—not just physical—and how establishing meaningful family traditions has brought us closer, offering a holistic approach to marriage that honors both its challenges and its joys.

Maybe most importantly, we open up about our own missteps and the growth that followed—from early days when gaming addiction nearly drove a wedge between us, to the healing power of forgiveness when expectations weren’t met. And our bonus tip? Limit digital distractions. It’s a modern challenge that demands real boundaries and grace.

Whether you’re just starting out or celebrating decades together, these eight tips (plus a little bonus wisdom) offer practical tools to help your marriage grow stronger through a posture of mutual service. Because in the end, it’s not about perfection—it’s about embracing the mess together and finding blessing in the journey.

Mentioned in this Episode:

• Sacred Marriage (affiliate link)
• Love & Respect (affiliate link)
• The Great Sex Rescue (affiliate link)
• Sheet Music (affiliate link)
• Our Servitarian Guide
• Our Digital Detox Guide

Your Listening to our 1 blessed mess, with ben and liz

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