In this episode, Kim sits down with eating disorder specialist Sarah Burney to unpack what's really going on beneath "food noise," body dissatisfaction, and chronic struggles with eating. This conversation moves beyond surface-level advice and into the deeper emotional, neurological, and relational drivers of disordered eating.

They explore why food is rarely the actual problem, how shame quietly fuels the cycle, and why changing your body never resolves the underlying distress. Sarah also clarifies common misconceptions around body dysmorphia versus negative body image, explains when professional support is warranted, and offers a grounded framework for helping both yourself and loved ones without reinforcing shame.

This episode is for anyone who feels consumed by food thoughts, stuck in body-based self-worth, or confused about where healing actually begins.

Guest: Sarah Burney
Licensed in CA, AZ, OR, and PA
burneytherapygroup.com

Timestamps

00:00 – What "food noise" actually feels like
02:31 – Stress eating, dopamine, and emotional regulation
03:54 – Food as self-soothing vs avoidance
05:06 – When food thoughts cross the line into needing support
05:26 – Medical vs psychological red flags
06:03 – How shame initiates and sustains disordered eating
07:19 – Why changing your body never solves the real problem
08:21 – Is body image ever the root issue?
09:00 – Core beliefs, trauma, and self-worth
10:15 – Why success and appearance don't fix internal distress
11:15 – What treatment actually looks like
12:11 – Body dysmorphia vs negative body image (important distinction)
14:12 – Separating self-worth from self-improvement
15:35 – Being treated differently based on appearance and why it matters
17:18 – Why reaching the "ideal" body doesn't bring relief
21:04 – The belief underneath "I need to look different"
24:33 – Disordered eating vs diagnosable eating disorders
25:26 – Why eating disorders are not about food
26:48 – How loved ones can help without causing harm
29:47 – What to look for in an eating disorder specialist

Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/

Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/

Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@engineeringlovepodcast

In this episode, I'm joined by Alex Beattie, founder of The Divorce Planner, to talk about what actually helps in the earliest stages of separation and divorce. Alex is a divorce prep coach who works with people before they hire attorneys or mediators, helping them get grounded emotionally and prepared practically before big, irreversible decisions are made.

We talk about the grief, shame, and identity disruption that often catches people off guard, even when divorce feels mutual, and why slowing down at the beginning can protect you emotionally and financially in the long run.

Alex's web site: https://www.thedivorceplanner.net/

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Timestamps & topics

00:00 – What a divorce prep coach actually does
How divorce prep differs from legal strategy and why preparation before calling a lawyer matters

02:15 – Why people want to "just get it over with"
Emotional overwhelm, avoidance, and the risks of making decisions from shutdown or panic

03:50 – Divorce as the end of an imagined future
Grief, loss of identity, and facing a blank slate you didn't plan for

06:10 – The emotional pain people underestimate
Why sadness, grief, and shame still show up even when divorce is the "right" decision

08:40 – How childhood patterns resurface during divorce
Why old narratives about worth, safety, and capability come back online

10:20 – Divorce and confidence collapse
Questioning your value, competence, and future, especially for stay-at-home parents

13:05 – Reframing skills, worth, and capability
Recognizing transferable skills and rebuilding self-trust

14:45 – Retraining the brain during a destabilizing life transition
Awareness, emotional regulation, and building stability when everything feels uncertain

17:00 – Social stigma, family reactions, and judgment
Why divorce still carries shame and how others' reactions can complicate healing

19:10 – The most unhelpful things people say during divorce
"Well-meaning" comments that actually increase shame and self-doubt

21:30 – How friends can offer real support
Listening, practical help, and showing up without trying to fix or judge

24:10 – Letting yourself receive support
Why isolation makes divorce harder and how connection actually builds resilience

28:40 – Why you should never negotiate money without knowing your numbers
How fear around finances leads to long-term regret

30:10 – The 5-5-5 decision rule
Evaluating divorce decisions based on their impact over time, not just immediate relief

32:00 – Final advice for early-stage divorce decisions
Why slowing down now protects your future self and prevents costly mistakes later

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Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/

Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/

Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@engineeringlovepodcast

You understand why you avoid.
You see the pattern.
And you're still doing it.

In this episode, Kim Polinder explores the frustrating gap between self-awareness and actual change — and why insight alone rarely leads to different behavior.

Rather than framing change as a decision or a motivation problem, this conversation breaks down procrastination as a capacity issue. Kim walks through four common "false fixes" people rely on when they're trying to change — strategies that look responsible on the surface but quietly reinforce avoidance.

Using real-life relational examples, nervous system science, and practical reframes, this episode explains why waiting to feel calm, trying to be perfect, forcing yourself through hard moments, or endlessly consuming self-help content often backfires.

The focus is not on fixing yourself, but on building emotional capacity: the ability to stay present with discomfort, repair when things go sideways, and stop turning one hard moment into a verdict about who you are.

Timestamps & Topics

[00:00:00] – The Conundrum: Why self-awareness doesn't change behavior.

[00:01:39] – Defining Capacity: Why change requires extreme discomfort.

[00:02:48] – False Fix #1: Waiting to feel calm or "ready" before acting.

[00:03:59] – False Fix #2: The perfectionism trap and the cost of "doing it right".

[00:06:50] – False Fix #3: Forcing exposure without a support system.

[00:08:45] – Pausing to Avoid vs. Pausing to Build Capacity.

[00:14:09] – False Fix #4: Searching for the "Golden Key" of insight.

[00:16:40] – Short-term relief vs. Long-term training of the nervous system.

[00:19:35] – Why willpower fails under emotional threat.

[00:22:00] – Compassionate Curiosity: How to stop abandoning yourself.

[00:24:37] – Why we lose access to our skills when triggered.

[00:27:13] – The Lab Partner: The necessity of community and repair.

[00:29:14] – Invitation to the Virtual Cohort: Building capacity in real-time.

Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/

Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/

Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@engineeringlovepodcast