What actually makes us feel close to another person?

Is chemistry enough to build a lasting relationship? Do opposites really attract? Is conflict a sign that something is wrong? And can someone genuinely love us while still failing to make us feel loved?

In this episode of Ego Over Id, we sit down with renowned relationship scientist Dr. Harry Reis, Dean’s Professor of Psychology at the University of Rochester and co-author of How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most.

Drawing from more than five decades of research on social interaction and close relationships, Dr. Reis shares with us what relationship science actually tells us about intimacy, chemistry, compatibility, vulnerability, listening, conflict, attachment, and love.

One of the central ideas of our conversation is surprisingly simple: being loved and feeling loved are not necessarily the same thing.

For intimacy to develop, we need more than another person’s good intentions. We need to experience them as someone who understands us, appreciates us, and cares about us—a concept relationship researchers call perceived partner responsiveness.

Dr. Reis is the co-author, with happiness researcher Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky. The book explores a deceptively important distinction: many people are loved but don't consistently feel loved.

Learn more about the book, explore its resources, and take the authors’ quiz: How to Feel Loved — Official Website

Dr. Harry Reis — University of Rochester
Faculty Profile & Research

How to Feel Loved
Official Book Website

More on Dr. Reis's relationship research
University of Rochester — Relationship Science & Online Dating

Research: Perceived Partner Responsiveness & Well-Being
Oxford Academic

More from the authors on feeling loved
Greater Good Science Center — Five Ways to Feel More Loved

If you enjoyed this conversation, follow Ego/Id for more conversations that separate pop psychology from what the science actually tells us.

📸 Instagram: @ego.over.id
💼 LinkedIn: Ego/Id: The Psychology of Everything

Follow the show, share this episode with someone you care about, and join us for the next conversation on Ego Over Id.

What if getting dressed each morning is one of the most psychological decisions you make all day?

In this episode, we sit down with Dr. Carolyn Mair, behavioral psychologist, founder of the Psychology of Fashion programs at the London College of Fashion, and author of The Psychology of Fashion. Together, we explore the fascinating intersection of psychology, identity, confidence, and consumer behavior.

Far from being about trends or luxury brands, fashion is a powerful psychological tool that shapes how we see ourselves, how others perceive us, and even how we think and behave. Dr. Mair explains why clothing influences confidence, how unconscious biases drive first impressions, the psychology behind fashion trends, and how we can build a healthier, more intentional relationship with what we wear.

Whether you've never thought much about fashion or you're fascinated by the science of human behavior, this conversation will change the way you think about the clothes in your closet.

Dr. Carolyn Mair is a behavioral psychologist specializing in the psychology of fashion. She founded both the Bachelor's and Master's degree programs in Psychology of Fashion at the London College of Fashion and has spent years researching how clothing influences identity, well-being, consumer behavior, and social interaction.

She now works internationally as a consultant, helping organizations apply psychological science to create more ethical, sustainable, and human-centered approaches to fashion.

• The Psychology of Fashion (Second Edition)
• LinkedIn: Carolyn Mair, PhD
• Instagram: @psychologyforfashion

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• Follow the podcast so you never miss an episode.
• Leave a rating or review. It really helps us reach more listeners.
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In this episode, we explore the complex relationship between psychology and financial decision-making with Dr. Adrian Furnham, a renowned psychologist from Oxford and expert in the field. Discover how personality influences money habits, the myths surrounding wealth and happiness, and practical tips to improve your financial well-being.

Topics Covered:

• How personality traits and cultural background shape our perceptions of money
• The impact of early socialization and taboo around discussing finances
• Behavioral economics concepts like heuristics, anchoring, and decoy effects in everyday financial choices
• The role of delayed gratification in building wealth and happiness
• Myths about money, intelligence, and happiness debunked
• Strategies for fostering open conversations about money in relationships and organizations
• The importance of monitoring finances regularly for success

Check out Dr. Furnham's Book:

• The New Psychology of Money by Dr. Adrian Furnham on Amazon

Connect with Dr. Adrian Furnham:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adrian-furnham-8472a82ba/

Website: https://adrianfurnham.com/