"In as little as..."

Four words doing an enormous amount of heavy lifting.

This week Jon and Dan go after the sneakiest phrase in advertising. An engineer could be with you in as little as 20 minutes. Could be. In as little as. Which technically means anything from 20 minutes to the heat death of the universe, and they've said nothing wrong.

Holidays from as little as £99, which turns out to be a Tuesday in February, one way, no bag, no seat, and you're leaving from an airport nowhere near the city it claims to serve.

It's not a lie. That's the annoying part. It's just a number they've found once, waved at you, and legally attached the word "little" to.

Who decided food needed to change shape?

This week Jon and Dan take on modern food and the ridiculous forms it now arrives in. Burgers stacked so high you you've got two options: take the whole thing apart like a flat pack wardrobe, or unhinge your jaw like a snake attempting a rabbit. Bread that's gone wide and short, so half of it sits above the toaster looking smug and pale while the rest burns. And deconstructed food, where you pay restaurant prices for the privilege of assembling your own dinner on a slate.

Nobody asked for any of this. Nobody.

Trains. Modern miracle of engineering, or the most expensive way to stand in a stranger's armpit?

This week Jon and Dan get on board with the great British rail experience. The delays that somehow become your fault. Ticket prices that cost more than a flight abroad. The bloke who keeps his rucksack on in a packed carriage and takes out three people every time he turns round. Carriages so full you are basically holding someone else up. And the person who decided rush hour was the ideal moment to unwrap something hot and smelly.

If you have ever stared at a departure board and quietly lost your mind, this one is for you.

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Ever watched a documentary where they show an empty chair, then someone walks in, sits down, straightens their jacket... and THEN the clapper board comes in and they leave it in the final cut? Dan's had enough. He works as a TV editor and says he'd never let that footage anywhere near a broadcast. So why does every documentary do it now? Is it "authenticity" or just filler to pad out the runtime?

Dan and Jon get into it on this week's episode of Du' Know What Annoys Me?

Seen this on your telly recently? Tell us which show did it worst. 👇

Petrol stations have become an obstacle course. Pay at pump only when you wanted to go inside, staff too busy on their phones to notice you exist, a toilet sign on the wall for a toilet that's apparently been "out of order since 1999," and a coffee that costs more than the fuel used to. We pull into the forecourt for a full rant on the modern service station experience.

You spend thousands on a holiday so you can relax... then spend the whole week watching the clock.

Check in too late.

Check out too early.

Miss breakfast and you're living on a packet of crisps until lunch.

In this episode of Du' Know What Annoys Me?, we continue our rant about the modern obsession with time slots and ask why hotels seem determined to make holidays feel less like an escape and more like a timed obstacle course.

If you've ever carried three suitcases, a passport, and your dignity through a hotel lobby before breakfast, this one's for you.

From ridiculous check-in times and painfully early check-outs to the pressure of setting an alarm on holiday just to get your money's worth from the breakfast buffet, nothing escapes the moan zone.

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When did life become one big booking system? This week's rant is all about the death of just turning up!

Pop down to the shops to pick up a couple of bits for the week... Simple, right? Not at all. Find out why Jon is frequently annoyed by supermarkets!