On Episode 40 of Mindful Warrior Radio, we welcome Dr. Lisa Firestone — Clinical Psychologist, Director of Research and Education at the Glendon Association, and Senior Editor at PsychAlive.org. Dr. Firestone is the coauthor of numerous articles and book chapters and has written several books with her father, Robert Firestone, including The Self Under Siege, Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, Creating a Life of Meaning and Compassion, and Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships.

Her extensive clinical training and research in the areas of suicide and violence have led to the development of several assessments, including the Firestone Assessment of Self-Destructive Thoughts (FAST), the Firestone Assessment of Suicide Intent (FASI), and the Firestone Assessment of Violent Thoughts (FAVT), which are used with both adults and adolescents.

In this insightful conversation, Dr. Firestone explores the impact of attachment styles on leadership and working relationships. She outlines the characteristics of each attachment style and offers tools for managing and understanding our own patterns. She also emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, mindfulness, and compassion in the process of personal and professional growth.

Dr. Firestone explains, “We didn’t develop [our attachment style] as a choice. What we did was make the best adaptation we could to what was there, and that happened as our nervous system was still forming. So it is in our brain, it’s in our bones—it’s part of us. But we need to be kind to ourselves about it. We came by it honestly. We might even disapprove of a behavior, like being too harsh on people, but beating ourselves up doesn’t help. It really helps to have what a dear friend and colleague of mine calls a ‘COAL’ attitude—Curious, Open, Accepting, and Loving. That’s what people might call self-compassion.”

Dr. Firestone adds, “We all get triggered at times. It doesn’t matter what type of attachment we have—even if it’s secure. Something can bring up a feeling that dysregulates us. But the healthier our attachment is, the more we can say, ‘Oh, okay—I got dysregulated,’ and then do something to regulate ourselves and repair.”

On healing and transformation, she shares, “Everything in life will go better if you start to resolve some of that unresolved trauma. People want a quick fix or a way around it, but we really have to walk through it. And I think that’s true for all of us. Again—with a kind attitude. This didn’t happen for no reason. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It means you had a rough beginning.”

You can learn more about Dr. Lisa Firestone’s work at www.drlisafirestone.com, www.psychalive.org, and www.glendon.org.

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