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Keeping a mental list of your spouse’s mistakes feels like self-protection, but it quietly turns your home into a courtroom. When every argument pulls out old receipts, intimacy dies, progress feels impossible, and “I forgive you” starts sounding like a trap. We get honest about what list keeping really is: mentally recording mistakes, replaying past failures, storing hurt for future fights, and measuring your spouse by who they used to be instead of who they are becoming.

We also dig into the deeper reason the list won’t go away: the original wound never healed. That’s why some couples describe a betrayal from five or ten years ago like it happened last week. We connect the dots between unforgiveness, negativity, and confirmation bias, and we challenge the habit of fault finding that makes you look for proof rather than pursue peace. Along the way, we ground the conversation in 1 Corinthians 13 and the idea that love keeps no record of wrongs, while still acknowledging a crucial truth: love and trust are not the same thing, and wise boundaries can coexist with real forgiveness.

You’ll walk away with practical steps to drop the list for good: forgive fully, stop rehearsing the offense, replace accusation with communication, separate patterns from moments, give credit for change, and ask God to heal the first hurt that started the scorekeeping. If you want a healthier marriage, a stronger emotional connection, and a future that isn’t chained to the past, press play and do this with us. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more couples can find the help.

GET THE BETTER MARRIAGE BOOTCAMP HERE:

Better Marriage Bootcamp (kenandtabatha.com)

Better Marriage 90-Day Devotional:
90 Day Better Marriage Devotional - Ken and Tabatha (square.site)

DOWNLOAD THE FAMILY MEETING OUTLINE HERE ⬇️
https://www.kenandtabatha.com/pl/2148103888

📍 Join us in Florida at Alive Church — with campuses in Orlando, Tampa & Gainesville.

🎟 And don’t miss Alive Conference coming soon — 3 days that can change the next 30 years of your life!

https://redeemedevents.com/event-details/1875

Support Our Ministry:
https://myalivechurch.org/give


Connect with us:

- Website:

https://www.kenclaytor.com
https://www.tabathaclaytor.com
https://www.myalivechurch.org

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https://www.instagram.com/tabathaclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/myalivechurch/

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@Ken_Claytor
@Tabathaclaytor
@myalivechurch

Facebook-

https://www.facebook.com/PastorKenClaytor
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https://www.facebook.com/myalivechurch

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A bad marriage can feel like you’re trapped in the same house with a stranger, stuck between “I don’t want to leave” and “I can’t do this anymore.” We go straight at that tension with humility and authority, because we’ve lived it. After 26 years of marriage and a rough start that nearly ended in divorce, we’ve learned that a struggling marriage is often less about “the wrong person” and more about missing tools, missing clarity, and missing spiritual covering.

We talk through what “bad marriage” really means, from emotional distance and constant tension to loneliness, lack of intimacy, and repeated arguments. We also name the situations that require immediate outside help, including adultery, abuse, and abandonment, and why counseling and wise leadership matter. Then we challenge one of the biggest traps couples fall into: focusing all their energy on changing their spouse. You can’t manipulate transformation, but you can take responsibility for your part, rebuild emotional safety, and choose respect when it would be easier to react.

We also unpack faith as action, not wishful thinking. That includes building a war room prayer life, refusing the spirit of accusation in your home, and learning to speak life over your spouse and your future. Finally, we lay out seven biblical steps to help turn a bad season around: stop pretending, get clear on what’s broken, own your part, stop fighting alone, rebuild safety, reintroduce God, and choose growth over escape.

If you’re looking for Christian marriage advice, biblical steps to save your marriage, and practical help for a struggling marriage, press play, share this with a friend, and leave a review so more couples can find it.

GET THE BETTER MARRIAGE BOOTCAMP HERE:

Better Marriage Bootcamp (kenandtabatha.com)

Better Marriage 90-Day Devotional:
90 Day Better Marriage Devotional - Ken and Tabatha (square.site)

DOWNLOAD THE FAMILY MEETING OUTLINE HERE ⬇️
https://www.kenandtabatha.com/pl/2148103888

📍 Join us in Florida at Alive Church — with campuses in Orlando, Tampa & Gainesville.

🎟 And don’t miss Alive Conference coming soon — 3 days that can change the next 30 years of your life!

https://redeemedevents.com/event-details/1875

Support Our Ministry:
https://myalivechurch.org/give


Connect with us:

- Website:

https://www.kenclaytor.com
https://www.tabathaclaytor.com
https://www.myalivechurch.org

- Socials:

Instagram -

https://www.instagram.com/kenclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/tabathaclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/myalivechurch/

TikTok-

@Ken_Claytor
@Tabathaclaytor
@myalivechurch

Facebook-

https://www.facebook.com/PastorKenClaytor
https://www.facebook.com/pastortabathaclaytor
https://www.facebook.com/myalivechurch

- Ask us questions:

i...

Send us Fan Mail

Hurt has a way of sneaking into every relationship, and if we don’t deal with it, it doesn’t just fade. It hardens. Ken and Tabitha Claytor get honest about how emotional wounds, unmet expectations, betrayal, and disappointment can quietly turn into bitterness that reshapes your personality, drains your joy, and poisons your marriage, friendships, and faith.

We talk through what hurt really is, why “church hurt” is often just people hurt, and how maturity means learning to stay grounded instead of running from every painful moment. Along the way, we share real stories, name the difference between reacting and responding, and explain how replaying pain without healing creates resentment, cynicism, suspicion, and withdrawal. If you’ve felt guarded, negative, or constantly bracing for the worst, we help you spot the signs of a bitter root before it spreads.

Then we get practical and spiritual. We walk through eight clear steps for healing, including prayer, forgiveness without an apology, choosing safe people to process with, refusing a victim mindset, and using gratitude to starve bitterness. We close with a powerful prayer and daily declarations you can speak to break the cycle and move forward free.

Subscribe, share this with someone who’s carrying heavy hurt, and leave a review if it helps. What’s one wound you’re ready to stop replaying and finally heal?

GET THE BETTER MARRIAGE BOOTCAMP HERE:

Better Marriage Bootcamp (kenandtabatha.com)

Better Marriage 90-Day Devotional:
90 Day Better Marriage Devotional - Ken and Tabatha (square.site)

DOWNLOAD THE FAMILY MEETING OUTLINE HERE ⬇️
https://www.kenandtabatha.com/pl/2148103888

📍 Join us in Florida at Alive Church — with campuses in Orlando, Tampa & Gainesville.

🎟 And don’t miss Alive Conference coming soon — 3 days that can change the next 30 years of your life!

https://redeemedevents.com/event-details/1875

Support Our Ministry:
https://myalivechurch.org/give


Connect with us:

- Website:

https://www.kenclaytor.com
https://www.tabathaclaytor.com
https://www.myalivechurch.org

- Socials:

Instagram -

https://www.instagram.com/kenclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/tabathaclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/myalivechurch/

TikTok-

@Ken_Claytor
@Tabathaclaytor
@myalivechurch

Facebook-

https://www.facebook.com/PastorKenClaytor
https://www.facebook.com/pastortabathaclaytor
https://www.facebook.com/myalivechurch

- Ask us questions:

i...