Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent. Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

Coming home, after an annual visit to my birth family, USED to be an exercise in healing and rebuilding. My husband and a handful of friends (those in the know) would reach for the mop and bucket, along with the glue. Each year they would willingly mop up all of my tears and help me gather the broken pieces of my heart, patiently supporting me as I put myself back together.

But, the most recent homecoming, around one month ago, was different. Although it was the second time that I had visited the USA without seeing my birth family, this return became an epiphany moment for me. It’s as if - when those plane wheels touched down on the runway - my heart cracked wide open and I could see just how much gratitude I was holding inside.

Since then, I have been sitting in that gratitude. I no longer sit in a puddle of tears and a pile of broken pieces. Long may it last!

Let’s just say (or shout!), “I threw the mop away!”

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent. Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

One lesson I learned…very early on…was that Life doesn’t stop just because you have some figuring out to do. Being raised by narcissists can be compared to living with grief. Life doesn’t stop for that either.

Whether living with narcissists or living with grief, you never get over it, it’s not a competition with others experiencing it, there are no rewards for surviving it and no two experiences are the same.

But, what if you are sailing several ships through several shit storms at the same time? You can only sail one ship at a time, right? Well, that may be true on open waters! I can’t say the same for dealing with multiple narcissistic parents.

Fortunately, for younger generations, there is a global community, terminology, definitions and loads of information. No one needs to sail alone anymore…even those of us sailing several ships simultaneously…in shark infested waters.

That gives me such hope!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent. Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

As a child raised by narcissists, it is far too easy to remember the difficult stuff. There are good times. There are happy memories. But…connecting that happiness to those who inflicted so much pain can be very confusing for the mind and heart!

Why should I credit any of my narcissistic parents with my happiness? Gratitude feels wrong and uncomfortable. I mean…imagine praising your kidnapper. Wrong!

I can’t deny the happiness, but it can make the hurt sting even more. It isn’t surprising to say that love looks strange when offered by a narcissistic parent. The love is conditional…so any happiness is tarnished with any or all of those conditions.

There was happiness. I can’t erase that.

But, was it genuine? Was I really happy?

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent. Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

This topic may not apply to ALL children raised by narcissists, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was experienced by many. Speaking from personal experience, my narcissistic parents’ favourite hiding place was/is religion.

For them - all of them - religion becomes an instant crowd of approval, a dedicated rule book, a crutch, a “See! I told you so!” reference, a threat of hell or other repercussions and so on. Hiding behind religion isn’t an act of love or a kind of guidance. It’s basically a convenient hiding place for people who have a superiority or God complex (pun intended).

They may think they’re safe and won’t be found! Yeah right!

I see them! Oh, and God does too!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent. Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

As I have said in a previous episode, “Keep your receipts!” Receipts come in all shapes and sizes. Some look like damning letters or nasty texts, while others look like a harmless, thoughtful, sincere anniversary card. Looks are deceiving!

(as are those who sent it)

For those in the know, that Hallmark receipt is anything but harmless, thoughtful or sincere. It’s merely a security deposit for my narcissistic parents. They need to keep up appearances for all who ask. It’s important that they can answer, “We send anniversary cards every year. We do our best to stay in touch.”

Oh…the absolute irony!

In the past, picking up that envelope would have ruined my day, sent me down a rabbit hole and reduced me to tears.

Not anymore! Now, it serves a purpose. Now, I see it for what it really is…validation.

It reminds me that I’m not crazy…they are!

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent. Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

This love letter may sound different to any you have heard before and that’s okay. This is the only “Dear Daughter” letter I will ever receive, so I poured my whole heart into it.

I imagined myself having a raw, honest, heartfelt conversation with younger me…but…younger me will change, age and transform as the conversation continues.

Once you have listened to my love letter, I encourage you to do the same. Pick up a pen and paper. Don’t erase. Don’t cross out. Just let the thoughts pour out and be as honest as you can. You don’t have to share it with anyone. That’s your choice. Sometimes, seeing your story in black and white reminds you what you’ve been through and, more importantly, how far you’ve come.

Survival is exhausting. Trauma is debilitating. So, many of us don’t make time to have these heartfelt conversations with ourselves. I get it. This stuff is hard and ugly and painful. Do yourself a favour. Include all of the good stuff too…like your courage, your hope, your positivity, your good choices, your brave choices.

You did the work. You’re doing the work.

Be proud.

I see you. I see a daughter who dares.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent. Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

In this episode, I discuss one of the biggest struggles of children raised by narcissists…the struggle for self-love. Although the struggle is real, it does not mean it is impossible or that we are incapable of loving ourselves. Quite the opposite is true. Narcissists do their best to control or manipulate everything, including our self-worth and self-confidence, but they don’t get to define who we are or who we become.

Remember, just like lists of side effects or symptoms of medications or conditions, the lists I provide are just that…suggested lists. You may relate to one, some, none or all.

No matter the number, we can safely say and agree that the struggle for self-love is REAL. In spite of that and in spite of them, we can choose to become happy, hopeful people who love the incredible human beings we have become.

Join Erin and her guests, as they delve into what it means to be a child of a narcissistic parent. Each fortnightly episode is crammed full of honesty, humour and hope.

So…if I told you that the title of this episode is, “There’s No Place Like Home,” would you close your eyes, click your heels together three times and hope for the best like Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz”? I am quite fortunate. If I did that, I wouldn’t go anywhere. I am already home.

I can relate to Dorothy for many reasons. Here are some of them:

1. I survived a sh*t storm (or life tornado)

2. I ended up somewhere I never expected

3. I found and created a whole new family

4. I made it safely home

Actually, for the past 33 years, I could happily and proudly say, ‘I am home.’ Although I appreciate the four walls around me, home is much deeper than that. For me, home means…

I am safe.

I am loved.

I belong.

There truly is no place like home.