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How do you know when someone's emotional baggage is too heavy to carry? In this raw and honest fishbowl episode, I tackle a listener question about dating a detective who's seen the darkest sides of humanity and struggles with severe self-esteem issues. After reading her story about a man who isolates himself, has been repeatedly cheated on, and whose mother is already calling her to "cheer him up," I break down why this relationship dynamic is fundamentally unbalanced.

The most revealing moment comes when I discuss what I call the "Bob the Builder Syndrome" - that dangerous tendency to believe we can fix damaged partners through patience and love. I explain why relationships should start from a position of mutual emotional stability rather than one person constantly working to elevate the other. "Why do you want to start at the bottom of the ladder and slowly be patient and work your way up?" becomes the central question that every listener should consider in their own dating lives.

What makes this discussion particularly valuable is the clear-eyed assessment of where to invest your emotional energy. While there's compassion for the detective's trauma, I emphasize that professionals exist to help with those issues - not potential romantic partners. Whether you're currently in a relationship with someone who needs "fixing" or you're afraid you might be repeating patterns of choosing damaged partners, this episode provides the tough love reminder that you deserve to start on equal footing with someone who brings their whole, healthy self to the table.

Have you ever found yourself trying to "fix" someone you're dating? Take a moment to reflect on where that impulse comes from and whether it's serving your happiness in the long run. Share your thoughts or experiences, and remember to subscribe for more unfiltered dating advice that cuts through the nonsense.

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