Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: Help for a youth dealing with being bullied because they are in foster care?

Resources:

• 5 Steps to Effectively Advocate for a Child Who is Being Bullied
• Are Transracial Adoptees More Likely to Be Bullied?
• Helping Our Kids Cope with Bullies at School
• StopBullying.gov

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Do you feel like raising a child with a history of trauma has stirred up your own traumatic past? If you wonder how to parent from a position of healing, listen to this conversation with Dr. Robyn Koslowitz. She is a psychologist, trauma expert, and author of the new book, Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle, Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.

In this episode, we discuss:

• You open your book by saying, ‘It’s not you, it’s your trauma.’ That feels like both a relief and a challenge. Can you unpack that for parents and caregivers who blame themselves for every misstep in their parenting?
• When you use the term post-traumatic parent, what do you mean? How does that differ from saying ‘parent with trauma’ or ‘healed parent’?
• Many caregivers feel haunted by an internal guilt that says, “How can I give what I never received?” How can parents or caregivers move from guilt to agency—without glossing over the pain?
• What are the 5 post-traumatic parenting defaults you identify in your book? What do they look like in real-life moments of parenting?
• How does a parent choose not to opt into those old trauma-driven defaults (e.g., yelling, withdrawal, overcontrol) in the moment?
• The metaphor of trauma as an app
• What is the concept of cycle-breaking versus cycle-making, and how is it valuable for breaking those unhealthy parenting patterns?
• What are some practical applications of this post-traumatic parenting reframe?
• How can a parent create and maintain trauma-responsive routines or rituals that will increase a child’s sense of felt safety, without being rigid or feeling like a bunch of rules they must follow?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: I have been fostering our grandchild since March. It is now almost September. Both biological parents had drug addiction. Bio mom was on a trial home visit, but used this as the reason our grandchild is with us. After the trial home visit ended, bio mom was still getting supervised visits 2x a week. After every visit, the little one was dysregulated and started biting and hitting the daycare kiddos and the provider, and would also act out towards us. She is only 15 months old.

Both parents terminated their rights in May, and that is when I put a stop to the visits. We know bio mom was still using while having her supervised visits. I give weekly updates and photos to bio mom. But she keeps pushing for (in-person) visits, and I can't do visits, as I don't know if bio mom is clean or still using. She has had 13 years of using and has found loopholes in the system to keep seeing her other kids, when she doesn't have custody of them.

Since we stopped visiting, my grandchild has become more stable and regulated and has stopped biting and hitting. Our caseworker has filed the adoption papers, and we will soon finalize the adoption. Bio mom is still using, and she tells me she is an alienated parent, and that I am keeping her from her child. Am I doing the right thing by not letting her see the child?

Resources:

• How Do You Manage Relationships with Birth Parents with Substance Use Disorders?
• Open Adoption With Addicted Birth Parents
• 5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth Parents
• Practical Help for Shared Parenting in Kinship Caregiving

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Join us for a fun and inspiring conversation with Emily Cole, co-founder and co-owner of Banana Ball, the new sports phenomenon sweeping the country. We're talking with her about Bananas Foster, their non-profit that celebrates foster families all around the nation.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Please tell us the story of how Bananas Foster got started.
• What was happening in your life that made you say, “We need to do something for foster families”?
• What was the biggest challenge in getting things off the ground?
• For listeners who might not know you yet, what’s the mission of Bananas Foster?
• What are some of the biggest everyday needs you hear about from foster, kinship, or adoptive families?
• How do you see Bananas Foster stepping into those areas of need?
• What’s your big dream for Bananas Foster — say, five or ten years from now?
• You talk about celebrating and supporting foster families — can you share what that looks like at a typical Banana Ball game day?
• What kinds of local partnerships do you have in the cities you visit — with churches, agencies, schools, or other groups?
• Looking ahead, do you have a plan or goal for building on those partnerships or expanding the care you offer with them?
• The celebrations you host are such a bright spot! What do families tell you after those events — how do they feel when they leave?
• Is there a particular story, celebration, or family that has really stuck with you?
• How do you hope those celebrations will grow or change over the next few years?
• What’s one thing you’ve learned from the families you serve that’s changed you personally?
• For our listeners, how can people get involved or support what Bananas Foster is doing?

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: Do you have trainings for children transitioning from foster care to adoption?

Resources:

• Transitioning a Child to Your Home
• Welcoming an Older Child to Your Family
• Helping Your Child Transition Smoothly from Foster Care to Adoption
• Using Lifebooks to Explain Complex Issues in Adoption to Kids
• Books about being adopted from foster care

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Do you sometimes feel that self-care is an impossible goal when you are parenting kids who have experienced trauma? There isn’t enough time in the day to do it all, much less take care of yourself. Or is there? Join us to talk about how to find time to take care of yourself. We will talk with Angelica Jones, MSW, Program Director of Intercountry Services and the Intensive Service Foster Care Recruiter and Trainer at Vista Del Mar Child and Family Services.

In this episode, we discuss:

• “Selfcare” or “take care of yourself” are overused but still vitally important terms for foster, adoptive, and kinship parents.
• Why do all parents but especially parents of kids who’ve experienced trauma need to practice self-care?
• What is secondary trauma?
• Why are kids who’ve experience neglect, abuse and other childhood traumas harder to parent?
  • Challenging Behaviors
  • Learning disabilities
• The busyness of foster and adoptive parenting.
  • So many appointments (therapy, OT, tutoring, doctors, IEP meetings, social workers, birth family visits, etc.)
  • Helping with education-homework struggles.
  • Dealing with the emotional fallout from early life trauma.
• What are some of the barriers to taking care of ourselves as adoptive, foster or kinship parents?
• The importance of respite care and the barriers to parents using it.
• Practical ideas for providing self-care.
• Think small when thinking self-care.
• Ask for help and accept it when offered. If someone offers to help, say “yes” and suggest something specific.
• Parent Support groups

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Question: We adopted our son at birth, and he is about to turn one already. I deeply care about his birth parents and have tried very hard to maintain a relationship with them. Even during many months of no contact, I think about them every day. Our only post-placement visit with them was at 2 1/2 months. They have no-showed for all the other visits they asked for, and have gone several months at a time without responding to contact. They missed a visit 2 weeks ago and have finally reached back out asking to plan another. Visits require 6 hours of driving and coordinating time off from work. They do not drive and would not have any means of travelling to us. Our plan was to do visits 2-4 times a year. We offered to plan another visit the week of his birthday. I also offered to send weekly text updates. I work in healthcare and need to be very present in my job and prefer not to be on my phone when I am home with my family, so I do not text anyone much during the week. I am now being asked to provide daily updates and to do visits monthly. I don't even respond to my best friend more than once or twice a week because it is hard for me to keep up with messages. I am also not convinced that increasing the frequency of visits will help them follow through on attending them due to the pattern that has occurred so far. I am feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to move forward in a way that is loving and respectful, but also sustainable for our family and best for our son.

Resources:

• 5 Tips for Navigating Sticky Situations with Birth Parents
• Creating Relationship with Birth Parents in Adoption (Even When It's Hard!)
• Mama on Earth: A Guest Article on Co-Parenting
• Open Adoption Can Be Messy
• Our #1 Secret Tip for Navigating Open Adoption

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building

Click here to send us a topic idea or question for Weekend Wisdom.

Why do our kids melt down, act out, or regress during the holiday season? Listen to our conversation with Dr. David Adams to learn what is going on and what you can do about it to make this holiday season more enjoyable for you all. He is an adoptive and foster dad, a licensed psychologist, and a licensed professional counselor. He is the Founding Director and President of New Life Psychology Group in Laguna Hills, California, and an expert trainer of Foster and Kinship Care Education (FKCE) at Saddleback College. He has also recently written and released the book, Trauma-Informed Foster and Adoptive Parenting: Methods for Managing Meltdowns, Mishaps, and Maladaptive Behaviors.

In this episode, we discuss:

• What are some of the reasons that holidays are hard for children who are adopted or are in foster care?
• What kind of behaviors do parents and caregivers commonly see that are likely related to those challenges around holidays?
  • Sleep challenges
  • Feeding challenges
  • Increased anxiety, fear, insecurity
  • Impulsivity
  • Dysregulation (louder than usual, bigger emotional response than normal for this child)
• How do these behaviors relate to the reasons holidays are hard for our kids? What’s the connection between that outward behavior and the internal need or hurt?
• Can you provide us with a few practical strategies for addressing these behaviors? Let’s break them down by age:
  • Toddler and preschoolers
  • School-aged children
  • Tweens and Teens (into young adults)
• What trauma-sensitive preparations or preventative actions can we take to minimize the challenging behaviors and help our kids feel safe, supported, and able to find healing?
• What is compassion fatigue? What signs should we look for to help us identify our risk during this holiday season?
• Strategies to help parents and caregivers plan now for a less-stressful holiday season.

Additional Resources:

• Set Your Family Up for Success This Holiday Season
• Tips for Managing Your Picky Eater
• Strategies to Manage Holiday Stress

Support the show

Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.

Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

• Weekly podcasts
• Weekly articles/blog posts
• Resource pages on all aspects of family building