What happens when you've spent a lifetime being silent—and suddenly, you can't do it anymore?

In this powerful conversation, Connection Codes coach Laurel Simpson shares the moment that changed everything: a walk with her husband John where she realized she had to rebel against the silence that was suffocating her marriage and her mental health.

After years of caretaking her mom through Alzheimer's, living in chronic dysregulation, and navigating her husband's anger while drowning in her own fear, Laurel reached a breaking point. The phrase that haunted her since childhood—"shut up, shut down, shut off"—was no longer sustainable.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• The moment Laurel decided to rebel against emotional silence and what gave her the courage to finally speak up
• Why anger was shutting her down and how she learned to navigate it in her marriage
• The phrase that changed everything: "I have fear in sharing this, but..." and how it transformed her relationship with John
• How to do "one brave thing every day" and why it's more powerful than you think
• Why Connection Codes training isn't just for coaches—it's for anyone who wants to become a better human
• The difference between eliminating fear and processing through fear to take brave action
• How to recognize when you're living in chronic dysregulation and what to do about it
• Why we're not designed to suffer in silence—and how to get back to your authentic voice

For couples navigating crisis, individuals feeling voiceless in their relationships, or anyone who's been told to "shut up" their entire life—this episode is for you.

Laurel demonstrates the Core Emotion Wheel and shares her current experience with grief, transition, and the ongoing work of staying connected to herself and others.

Keywords: emotional health, mental health podcast, marriage communication, breaking emotional silence, chronic dysregulation, processing emotions, finding your voice, relationship healing, emotional safety, nervous system regulation, marriage after trauma, caregiver burnout, emotional processing, healthy relationships, leadership through vulnerability

Resources mentioned:

• Connection Codes Foundations Course
• School of Connection (8-week program starting September 30th)
• Connection Codes Coaching Cohort

Ready to get started?

• Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
• Book a Connection Codes coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
• Find Laurel Simpson on the Connection Codes website under "All Coaches" (https://connectioncodes.co/all-coaches)

What happens when a simple email about work scripts triggers a complete relationship nosedive? In this raw, unfiltered episode, we witness Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill work through an actual conflict from the day before—and discover how identity loss was at the root of their disconnect.

This isn't theory. This is real marriage work happening in real-time.

You'll discover:

• Why the first 60 seconds of conflict can determine your entire day
• How "being the workhorse" or "the fixer" can destroy emotional connection
• The difference between acknowledging pain vs. trying to fix it (and why one creates intimacy while the other creates distance)
• Why logistics never matter (and what actually does)
• How to identify when you've tuned out fear to maintain your identity
• The surprising reason why saying "you don't have to do it all" can strip someone of their identity
• Real tools for repair when you've already spiraled into disconnection

Key Timestamps:

• 3:12 - The conflict begins: How a missed acknowledgment triggered everything
• 18:05 - Identifying the first unprocessed emotion (the make-or-break moment)
• 26:10 - The workhorse identity: Why "getting things done" becomes self-destructive
• 39:02 - The validation breakthrough: What acknowledgment actually does
• 47:08 - Walking through the Core Emotion Wheel together

This episode is essential for:

• Couples who keep having the "same fight" in different packaging
• Leaders carrying identity roles that no longer serve them
• Anyone who's been called "the strong one" and wonders why they feel so exhausted
• Parents navigating empty nest transitions or career changes
• Anyone who feels unseen in their closest relationships

Resources Mentioned:

Download the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast

Work with a certified Connection Codes coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches

Explore the School of Connection for deep-dive marriage transformation

Topics: marriage conflict resolution, emotional health in relationships, identity crisis in marriage, emotional processing, leadership and emotional intelligence, relationship repair, overcoming disconnection, mental health in marriage, core emotions, validation in relationships

Episode 188: Identity Over Truth - Why We're All Desperate to Be Seen

In this powerful episode, Tera Wages and Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill explore why humans prioritize identity over truth—and how this fundamental need shapes everything from our marriages to the polarizing world we see online.

What You'll Learn:

• Why identity is your #1 human need (backed by the Still Face Experiment)
• The 5 critical questions your brain is constantly asking
• How identity loss makes us do things we'd never recommend to others
• Why "calling someone back to truth" never works in relationships
• The real reason people stay in lower-paying jobs (it's not about money)
• How to recognize when someone is losing identity—and what to do instead
• Why the "us vs them" narrative is more dangerous than you think
• Practical tools to give identity instead of stripping it away

Key Topics Covered:

• Emotional health and regulation
• Marriage communication and conflict resolution
• Leadership development and team culture
• Mental health and depression
• Identity formation and validation
• Connection vs disconnection
• Emotional intelligence in relationships
• Workplace culture and employee retention

Resources:

• Get the FREE Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
• Book a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
• Learn about Connection Codes training for businesses and leaders: https://connectioncodes.co/at-work

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Follow Connection Codes:Instagram: @connectioncodesFacebook: Connection CodesWebsite: www.connectioncodes.co

In this deeply vulnerable episode, Dr. Glen and Phyllis continue their real-time conflict from last week, diving into the messy reality of what it looks like when one partner is thriving while the other is just beginning to recover from burnout. Recorded just moments after a morning conflict, this episode captures the raw, unscripted reality of navigating relationship pain when one person has no reserves left and the other is wondering when things will feel "normal" again. Glen and Phyllis, along with host Tera Wages, explore the invisible weight of mental and emotional labor in relationships, how partners experience the same events differently and arrive at different emotional places, the fear and uncertainty of not knowing how long a partner's pain will last, identity crisis and what it means to feel completely empty of reserves, the importance of getting curious instead of trying to fix, why processing pain 10,000 times is actually healthy (not a problem), how to support a partner who is in a season of deep transition, and the power of doing the Core Emotion Wheel regularly, especially during hard seasons. You'll learn why one partner can feel like they "sprinted" across the finish line while the other "crawled," how to recognize when mental/emotional labor is just as taxing as physical labor, the difference between desire and capacity in your body, why it's crucial to turn toward your partner and share your emotions in the moment, how to invite your partner back into connection when they miss with you, why identity pain is the greatest pain and requires the most patience, and the importance of slowing down and asking "Ooh, tell me more" instead of problem-solving. Whether you're the partner crawling across the finish line or the one wondering when your spouse will "bounce back," this episode offers permission to feel all of it, process it together, and remember that you're not broken—you're just human.

Chapters:

00:00:00 - Disclaimer

00:02:30 - "I Don't Know If This Is a 5 Year or 25 Year Plan"

00:05:50 - Phyllis's Perspective: "I'm Still Discovering Me"

00:10:40 - The Identity Crisis: Selling the Company and Losing a Lane

00:13:00 - Learning to Feel Emotions for the First Time: "Oh, That's What Burnout Feels Like"

00:21:05 - "I Have No Reserves": A New Experience

00:22:10 - Desire vs. Capacity: Learning to Listen to Your Body

00:24:10 - Different Experiences at the Finish Line: "I Crawled, You Sprinted"

00:40:00 - Identity Pain Is the Greatest Pain

00:42:00 - "I Just Want You to Turn to Me"

00:47:20 - The Lifeline: Using the Core Emotion Wheel in Hard Seasons

Links and Resources:

Connection Codes Website

Take the Connection Codes Assessment

Connection Codes Coaching

Watch previous episodes on navigating conflict

Connect with us on Instagram: @connectioncodes

Tera, Dr. Glenn, and Phyllis dive into the powerful interplay between vulnerability and safety in relationships. Drawing from personal stories, cultural examples, and decades of work with Connection Codes, they unpack how many of us were raised to silence emotions—and how this creates barriers to intimacy. The hosts explore why vulnerability is not weakness but the very act that creates safety, and how micro-moments of authentic sharing lay the foundation for trust. With practical insights, like using the Core Emotion Wheel and reframing fear, this conversation equips you to transform your relationships into safe spaces where real connection can thrive

Chapters:

- 00:00:00 - TV shows and vulnerability

- 00:01:20 - Introducing core concepts

- 00:04:51 - Childhood lessons on suppression

- 00:07:51 - The vulnerability paradox

- 00:11:12 - Unfamiliar territory

- 00:15:30 - Foundation-building moments

- 00:19:24 - Recognizing safe people

- 00:23:30 - Fear vs. safety

- 00:28:39 - Everyday vulnerability

- 00:35:26 - The cab story

- 00:41:42 - Authenticity without guarantees

- 00:47:35 - Losing and finding relationships

- 00:53:01 - The Core Emotion Wheel

- 00:58:04 - Starting your journey

Links and Resources:

- https://connectioncodes.co/

- https://connectioncodes.co/get-the-cew

- https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Codes-Blueprint-Creating-Relationships-ebook/dp/B093TLDT71

In this episode Tera, Dr. Glenn, and Phyllis take on one of the most misunderstood and weaponized words in relationships: forgiveness. They unpack why simply saying “I forgive you” rarely brings peace, and how unprocessed pain lingers in the body long after conflict. Through personal stories, faith reflections, and the practical tools of the Connection Codes, they reveal why true healing comes through release—acknowledging, voicing, and processing hurt in safe spaces. Listeners will learn how to move beyond judgment, create authentic emotional connection, and experience freedom without erasing their pain or enabling harmful dynamicsChapters:

• 00:00:00 - Setting the Stage for Authentic Healing
• 00:02:09 - Rethinking Forgiveness: Moving Beyond Traditional Approaches
• 00:04:26 - How Forgiveness Gets Weaponized in Relationships
• 00:11:04 - The Compassionate Truth About Forgiveness in Faith
• 00:15:47 - Creating Safety to Process Pain Together
• 00:29:34 - Why Simply Saying "I Forgive You" Doesn't Heal the Hurt
• 00:36:53 - Embracing Emotions as Pathways to Deeper Connection
• 00:47:42 - Real-Life Example: Using the Emotion Wheel in Relationships
• 00:54:55 - Practical Next Steps for Your Relationship Journey

Links and Resources:

- Connection Codes Emotion Wheel - https://connectioncodes.co/wheel-download

- Connection Codes Book - https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Codes-Blueprint-Creating-Relationships/dp/B093QCHZ76

- Become a Connection Codes Coach - https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching#certifiedcoachingtopofhome

In this vulnerable and empowering conversation, host Tera Wages sits down with Ally Bullock — licensed marriage and family therapist, Head of Relationships at Paired, and creator of Relationships with Ally. Together, they unpack the realities of sex and intimacy after parenting. From mismatched desire and the weight of invisible labor, to the science behind stress and sexual satisfaction, Ally shares practical strategies couples can use to reconnect. Listeners will hear real-life stories, expert insights, and powerful tools — like co-regulation rituals, responsive desire reframes, and scheduling intimacy — that can transform the way partners approach connection in the busiest seasons of life.

Chapters:

• 00:00:00 - Welcome to Connection Codes Podcast
• 00:00:27 - Meet Aly Bullock
• 00:01:50 - 45% of parents report less intimacy
• 00:03:58 - Aly's Background: A marriage and family therapist with the Paired app
• 00:05:48 - Aly's Personal Story: Marriage, three kids, and "chaotic" life
• 00:07:28 - How does sex change after kids?
• 00:08:13 - Why Intimacy Decreases
• 00:09:00 - Feeling "touched out" after 10 years of pregnancy/nursing
• 00:10:17 - Desire Types: Spontaneous vs. responsive desire explained
• 00:12:55 - Use a shared note to "brain dump" the mental load
• 00:15:47 - Reframing Expectations: Embrace a new normal post-kids
• 00:17:45 - Why to Schedule Sex
• 00:19:06 - Study: A mother's stress predicts lower sexual satisfaction for both partners
• 00:20:00 - A New Approach: Schedule "intimacy time," not just sex
• 00:24:08 - A Moment of Empathy: Tera's husband experiences overstimulation
• 00:25:37 - Tip for Overstimulation: Co-regulation with back-to-back breathing
• 00:28:03 - Use AirPods with relaxing music during sex
• 00:28:53 - Study: Small, daily intimate acts boost satisfaction
• 00:30:18 - Identity Matters
• 00:31:21 - Tip on Identity: Separate your "parent" and "partner" roles
• 00:32:21 - Intimacy can get better with time
• 00:41:41 - Recap: A summary of the episode's key tips
• 00:42:13 - Resource: The Paired app's "Recharge Your Sex Life" course
• 00:42:57 - How to Connect with Aly

Links and Resources:

• Relationship with Aly Website:

• • Aly on Instagram
  • Aly on ⁠LinkedIn⁠:⁠ Aly Bullock
  • Get Paired at 25% off: http://www.paired.com/alypodcast
  • Download the Core Emotion Wheel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://youtube.com/@connectioncodes?si=phORYBsGMOOrj9mA⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
  • Find out how to become a Certified Coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
  • Find a coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/coaches#find-a-coach-menu⁠

  
  

In this powerful conversation, Dr. Glenn and Phyllis talk with Paul and Hannah McClure—musicians, parents, and certified Connection Codes coaches—about the journey of learning to process emotions instead of drowning in them. The McClures share openly about walking through miscarriage, facing parenting challenges, and breaking free from long seasons of disconnection. They describe how simple tools like the Core Emotion Wheel gave them language for their feelings, transformed their marriage, and reshaped the way they connect as a family. This episode is an invitation to slow down, honor what you feel, and discover how vulnerability can lead to lasting healing and deeper relationships.Chapters:

• 00:00:00 – Welcome to the Connection Codes Podcast

• 00:00:57 – Meet Paul & Hannah

• 00:01:34 – Story of meeting as teens and family background

• 00:02:41 – Discovery of the program in 2020 through webinars

• 00:03:15 – How the tools helped process miscarriage

• 00:04:44 – Reflection on “choose joy” culture and parenting impact

• 00:05:31 – Childhood experience of suppressing emotions

• 00:07:23 – Demonstration of the Core Emotion Wheel

• 00:09:27 – Feelings of anger, guilt, and loneliness in friendships

• 00:11:16 – Fear about an album release and hurt from a trip

• 00:13:00 – Key victories and struggles with the tools

• 00:14:23 – Resolving conflict in Hawaii by naming hurt

• 00:17:30 – How minutes of processing prevent days of disconnect

• 00:19:51 – Example of using the wheel during a cancer diagnosis

• 00:25:00 – Motivation for becoming coaches

• 00:27:18 – Coaching removed the pressure of having all the answers

• 00:30:04 – How unprocessed joy can lead to poor choices

• 00:32:04 – The wheel as a manual for navigating trauma

• 00:37:29 – Fear of drowning in emotions

• 00:40:10 – Seeing past anger to identify underlying hurt

Links and Resources:

• Download the Core Emotion Wheel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://youtube.com/@connectioncodes?si=phORYBsGMOOrj9mA⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Find out how to become a Certified Coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
• Find a coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/coaches#find-a-coach-menu⁠