No one plans for having a transgender kid. Camp Wild Heart is your guide for raising a transgender or non-binary child and nurturing an affirming family. We help you ease your fear and navigate your confusion. Mackenzie Dunham, clinical social worker and co-founder of Wild Heart Society, talks with parents, experts, and transgender adults about the ins and outs of coping with internalized transphobia, fostering shame resilience, exploring medical transition for youth, understanding identity development, knowing what language to use when, and more. Camp Wild Heart is full of people just like you who are lost and searching, brave and afraid, and trying best to do right by their children. You’ll cry--but never alone… and you’ll also laugh, really hard. Welcome.

Welcome to Camp Wild Heart!

All of us at Camp Wild Heart are so excited you’re here. Showing up here means you’re looking for a way to show your love to your trans child in a way they understand and receive it. I don’t think there is anything closer to real magic than love. We know from the research that it is the most important protective factor kids have against trauma and stress. How cool is that?!

Consider this first episode your New Camper Orientation.

Just like any camp, we’ve got some rules. Rules help us learn what’s in bounds and what’s out of bounds, what behavior is encouraged and what is off-limits.

The rules help to keep people from getting hurt. While we can’t prevent every bump or scrape, our goal is to keep anyone from drowning.

As you listen, I have some things I want you to keep in mind. These are our Camp Rules if you will:

Camp Wild Heart Rules:

Each week at Camp Wild Heart, you’ll hear from parents who are bravely sharing their stories. Many times the parents I talk to will be sharing times they sat in the dark, made mistakes, or just felt confused & alone. But often these stories will have moments of joy and celebration and community, too.

Thanks for showing up today and welcome again to Camp Wild Heart.

Links:

• Brené Brown: TED Talk - The Power of Vulnerability
• Brené Brown Website
• Britt Hawthorne Website

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Most kids don’t necessarily walk up to you and say, “Mom/Dad, I’m trans,” when they come out.

Most of the time, however, they show early signs that they are exploring their gender and that they don’t feel right in their body.

Some parents welcome the exploration.

Others actively try to shut it down.

Some parents shut it down without even knowing it—and when they do, they often unintentionally shut down a child’s willingness to be vulnerable and open with them about gender and other difficult subjects—often for years to come.

So, how do you avoid closing the door on the coming-out conversation before it even happens? How do you encourage your child to be their most authentic self? And how do you find the courage to rumble with the discomfort of knowing they will face a world that will continuously tell them they aren’t good enough and judges them—and you—every step of the way?

In the first part of this episode, we’re going to hear from Tina Mulqueen. Tina’s daughter was assigned male at birth, but she knew rather quickly that her kiddo was not a boy. We talk about what this experience has been like for her and what she has done to support her kiddo as much as she possibly can.

Tina is the founder of Kindred PR and Executive Director of Cause Influence, a non-profit dedicated to amplifying marginalized voices. She's also a sought after speaker in sustainable entrepreneurship with a focus on such issues as minority representation in media and technology.

So, I have a Question:

This interview with Tina will probably bring up a lot of questions for you.

In the second part of this episode, Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD., will lend us her expertise and answer some common questions she and I receive from parents as we do this work.

Dr. Hawkins is the Director of the Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities Training Program at Widener University & Director of the Gender & Sexuality Development Program at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She has more than 20 years of experience as a clinician.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• The early signs of gender expansiveness Tina saw in her child
• The playbook Tina and her family created to support her daughter
• How Tina’s family has navigated life so far, what keeps her up at night, and what inspires her about her daughter
• Dr. Linda breaks down the difference between sex and gender
• How parents can show their child that they love them in regard to gender identity

Find out more about Tina Mulqueen:

• Kindred PR

Find out more about Dr. Linda Hawkins PhD.:

• Dr. Linda Hawkins at Widener

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Additional resources:

• Scientific American - January 2016
• Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities

There is no singular storyline that fits what it’s like when your child comes out.

Every kid is different. Every family is different.

Sometimes trans kids come out when they’re little—and sometimes they don’t.

Sometimes parents are on board from the get-go—and sometimes they aren’t.

Whether parents are on board or not, it’s crucial to get support.

No one prepares for the day their kid comes out as transgender. By calling in for backup, it makes rising to the meet the moment just a little bit easier.

And when we can get help, we’re much more likely to thrive—and so are our kids.

During our campfire talk today, we’ll hear from brave mom, Laura. Laura realized that asking for help, being vulnerable, and showing up in community with other parents was more important than being judged. Through PFLAG and a therapeutic group for parents of trans kids, Laura saw how other parents modeled compassion for their kids and for themselves.

Laura will also share about how her son, Lucas, came out and how she cultivated the courage to make her way down the path of affirming and supporting him through love and how she found connection with other parents going through something similar.

So, I have a Question:

Laura’s story might have brought up some questions for you so in the second part of this episode, Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD. will lend us her expertise and answer some common questions she and I receive from parents as we do this work.

Dr. Hawkins is the Director of the Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities Training Program at Widener University & Director of the Gender & Sexuality Development Program at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She has more than 20 years of experience as a clinician.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• The first signs Laura noticed that her son was transgender
• How PFLAG offered a place for Laura to connect with other parents of transgender kids
• Why it takes time for some parents to get on board—and why that’s OK
• How to find the right support and why affirming your child is hard—but so worth it
• Ways to love your child for who they are

Find out more about Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD:

• Dr. Linda Hawins at Widener

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Additional resources:

• Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities
• PFLAG

Most cis-gender people have a hard time imagining what it's like to be transgender but I don't know anyone who hasn't had some experience of not being seen for who they truly are.

Maybe you know what it's like to have someone look straight through you. Maybe your voice or ideas are regularly left out of meetings. Maybe you've been on the receiving end of some absolutely terrible customer service that leaves you wondering whether the person sees you as another human being.

Ultimately, not being seen sucks.

And yet transgender people regularly go unseen and even worse—they regularly have the experience of dealing with people and institutions that refuse to see them. They are regularly met with messages from strangers, family members, and friends that who they are is wrong, that it isn’t real, or that they’re just confused.

To constantly have your life and identity in question hurts—and it often triggers a deep sense of scarcity and shame. Unfortunately, shame can make us feel totally alone and like we'll never be good enough.

During our campfire talk today, we’ll hear from fierce and kind mom, Jennifer. Jennifer will share about her experience with her kid, Aaron, coming out and having to swim through the sea of shame with him to a place of resilience and healing.

Please note that this story is a bit more intense than ones we’ve shared previously but it highlights an incredibly important and very real threat to transgender children.

So, I Have A Question:

Jennifer’s story might have brought up some questions for you so in the second part of this episode, Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD. will lend us her expertise and answer some common questions she and I receive from parents as we do this work.

Dr. Hawkins is the Director of the Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities Training Program at Widener University & Director of the Gender & Sexuality Development Program at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She has more than 20 years of experience as a clinician.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Jennifer shares her son’s coming out story and her first response to it and, if she could go back, what she would say now
• Why Jennifer reached out for professional help right away after her son came out as transgender—and how she found the right therapist for their family
• How Jennifer and her husband worked together to support each other and their son
• Dr. Hawkins discusses the very real threat of suicide for transgender people, the role parents play in keeping their child alive, and different ways that parents can show love and affirmation to their transgender children

Find out more about Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD:

• Dr. Linda Hawkins at Widener

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Additional resources:

• PFLAG
• Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities

Today at Camp Wild Heart, we’re going to talk about everyone’s favorite topic: suicide.

Naturally, this is not a conversation that is super common which is why we feel it’s even more essential to talk about, especially as it relates to—and impacts—trans people.

The reality is that no one is protected from it—people of all walks of life and of all genders experience suicidal thoughts. However, trans people seem to be more vulnerable to it—not because of their transgender identity but because of being marginalized and oppressed in society. They are rejected by people who are supposed to love them unconditionally. That kind of emotional experience leads one to feeling like life isn’t worth living.

Since transness isn't the root of suicidal ideation, but rather it's more about the way that trans people are treated in our society, this episode is going to focus more on what it means and looks like to be suicidal as opposed to being a trans person who's suicidal.

Instead of talking to a parent as we typically do, in this episode, I’m having an extended conversation with Jess. Jess always wanted to be a boy scout and comes prepared as a guest camp counselor here to journey through all of the adventures and self discovery at Camp Wild Heart.

Though afraid of the dark, Jess is not afraid to go to dark places with young people and their families to find some hope and reason for staying alive. When not at Camp Wild Heart, they utilized their training in social work and nerdy gender studies degree to help gender diverse youth and adults navigate and explore their identities and identify ways to feel affirmed.

Jess also brings their fierce and tender heart into parenting their two year old and loving on the various members of their relationship constellation. They come to Camp Wild Heart with almost 10 years of experience working with youth and families.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Jess’ experience with depression and chronic suicidal thoughts—and how that influences their work
• How Jess can intuitively know if someone is more at risk of suicidal ideation
• What parents can be on the lookout for in their kids and how to parse out if something is due to teenage angst or something deeper
• Why getting curious is key to supporting and affirming trans kids

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Additional resources:

• Trans Lifeline 877-565-8860
• The Trevor Project 866-488-7386
• Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities
• PFLAG
• The Atlantic: Suicide Memes Might Actually Be Therapeutic

If you’re listening to this podcast, I’m guessing that you love someone who is transgender - probably your child.

And many of you might not have known during the last election, that you were parenting a transgender kid. Or maybe in the last election, the stakes didn’t seem so high.

This year, in case you didn’t have a reason to get to show up and vote, I want to make sure you know that your child needs you to vote - for them. Their rights literally depend on it.

Every year, in every state there are pieces of legislation that are aimed specifically at limiting, or reducing the rights of transgender people. So I want you to think about the world your child needs you to help create so that they can live the healthy, content life you’ve always wanted for them.

That world requires them to be able to go to the bathroom in schools and have a learning environment safe for them so that their brain will allow them to learn.

That world requires them to be able to love openly, unashamed, and free.

That world requires them to be able to marry.

That world requires them to be able to walk down the street without being harassed.

That world requires that they can’t be fired based on their gender or sexuality.

That world requires them to have the same rights and protections as cisgender people.

And yes - I think that this year, that matters more than taxes, and pretty much anything else that could affect your child’s wellbeing in the future.

Your kid can’t vote yet and they need you to use your vote to create a community where they can thrive.

I hope it would be abundantly clear who on your ballot is going to work to do that. If it isn’t, I’m sure every candidate has an office full of people ready and willing to talk to you about how they plan to support gender equality and LGBTQ+ rights.

The date to vote is November 3rd.

As parents, we like to believe that we know our child better than anyone. Maybe better even than they know themselves. But do we really?

For some parents, that’s one of the hardest things about making sense of a child coming out as transgender. They didn’t see it coming. How could they have missed something so huge?

Most parents suspect something is going on—but they just don’t know what it is.

When we recognize that something is off with someone we love, we might ask questions like: are you okay? Is there anything going on that you want to talk about?

Sometimes our loved one will tell us: yes, there is something. But most of the time, they usually say everything’s fine and then we go about our day worrying the way only parents and people with anxiety disorders can.

Sometimes we miss it altogether. Sometimes we see it and we're too afraid to ask.

So how do we get our kids to tell us what's really going on?

Today, we’re opening Camp Wild Heart with Brave Mom, Rachel. Rachel is the mother of 15-year-old Archie. Rachel and Archie have been on this gender journey together now for a few years—and they’ve experienced high moments and low moments along the way.

There’s no one way to parent any child. As Rachel shares, there are some ways that she and Archie have written the playbook for their family. And, in some ways, she’s had to grow as a mom in the process.

This interview with Rachel will probably bring up a lot of questions for you.

In the second part of this episode, Dr. Linda Hawkins, PHD., will lend us her expertise and answer some common questions she and I receive from parents as we do this work.

Dr. Hawkins is the Director of the Affirmative Therapy for Transgender Communities Training Program at Widener University & Director of the Gender & Sexuality Development Program at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She has more than 20 years of experience as a clinician.

• How it’s not only okay but important to ask hard, scary questions
• Why you and your child need to work together to determine what the playbook for support looks like
• How your support playbook is specific to your family—and it might look really different from other families—and that’s OK!

• Dr. Linda Hawkins at Widener

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

• childrensnational.org