But Why Do We Get So Defensive? | Shame, Identity & The Psychology Behind the Pushback
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But Why Do We Get So Defensive? | Shame, Identity & The Psychology Behind the Pushback
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From “not all men” to “I was just joking,” defensiveness is everywhere. But what’s really going on underneath?
In this episode, Kristin and Laura unpack the psychology of defensiveness - how it protects us, how it shows up in everyday interactions, and how it connects to deeper systems of power. With stories about awkward meetings, parenting, and fragile masculinity, they explore:
• Why our brains go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn
• The difference between guilt and shame (and why it matters)
• How whiteness, masculinity, and identity get tangled in pushback
• Why vulnerability is framed as weakness, and who benefits
• What defensiveness looks like in relationships, work, and culture
This is a compassionate but clear-eyed conversation about why being wrong feels so threatening — and what’s possible when we pause, get curious, and choose accountability instead.
Socials: https://linktr.ee/butwhy.pod