What happens when the people we count on to save us need saving themselves? In this raw and powerful conversation, former Marine and police officer Connor Wainscott reveals the hidden battles fought by many first responders – battles that don't end when the uniform comes off.

From experiencing childhood sexual abuse at age eight to confronting death regularly as a police officer, Connor's story is one of accumulating trauma that nearly cost him everything. After discovering a murder victim during field training and later being involved in a shooting that lasted just four seconds but changed his life forever, he found himself spiraling into increasingly risky behavior on duty while battling suicidal thoughts at home.

"I was in three or four felony stops a week," Connor reveals, describing his post-shooting mindset. "I didn't really have the ability to refrain from going after it. It was like I've already been here, I've proven myself, and I don't want someone else to have to go through what I'm dealing with."

The conversation explores the unique challenges first responders face: the stigma around mental health treatment, the difficulty separating identity from the badge, and the instinct to protect loved ones from their darkest experiences – sometimes at the cost of true connection. Connor speaks honestly about marriage during crisis, parenting while struggling, and how his faith ultimately became his foundation for healing.

Most powerfully, we witness how trauma can transform into purpose. Now volunteering at the same retreat that helped save his life, Connor walks alongside other first responders battling similar demons. "I've been able to share the gospel more at these retreats than I ever got the opportunity on a call for service," he shares. "That's where it sucks to have had to go through what I did to get to that point, but I wouldn't give it up for anything."

If you or someone you know works in emergency services, this conversation might just save a life. Because as Connor's journey proves, even our darkest experiences can become the light that guides others home.

If you or someone you know is in crisis and at risk of self-harm, please call or text 988, the suicide and crisis lifeline.

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