She broke my heart. But the hardest person to forgive wasn't her. It was myself.

Several years ago, someone I loved hurt me deeply. And even after discovering what had happened, I stayed in that relationship for two more years.

Why? Because I was afraid of what other people would think if I walked away.

When I finally left, I carried resentment toward her, but also toward myself. And that second burden was even harder to release.

During the writing of my book My Father Knew the Secret, I called my father, Bob Proctor, to ask him something I'd wondered about for years: How could he experience betrayal and disappointment without holding a grudge?

His answer changed the way I understood forgiveness.

Forgiveness is for you, not the person who hurt you.

In this deeply personal episode of Born to Win, I'm sharing a part of my life I haven't spoken about much, along with three powerful practices my father taught me that helped me find peace.

We'll explore:

• Why forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, excusing, or allowing someone back into your life.

• How to stop replaying painful memories and take back control of your thinking.

• The remarkable power of sending love to someone who has hurt you.

• Why forgiving yourself can be the most difficult, and most liberating, step of all.

Here's what I've learned: We can't change what happened, but we can change how we carry it.

And sometimes, the greatest gift you can give yourself is to simply let go.

I call it dropping the rope.

If you've ever struggled to forgive someone, or yourself, I hope this conversation helps you find a little more peace and freedom.

And I'd love to hear from you. If this message resonates, leave a comment: "I dropped the rope."

Because your past doesn't have to hold your future hostage.

Simplified Success in 15 Minutes or Less.

My Father Knew the Secret: Growing Up with Bob Proctor: https://www.MyFatherKnewtheSecret.com

12 Easy Steps To Change Your Life: Stop Waiting For That BIG Thing: https://www.12easysteps.com

Quit Screwing Around: This is Your Life — now at Amazon, Audible, Walmart, Barnes & Noble and other retailers: https://www.brianproctor.com/quitscrewingaround

More from Brian Proctor: https://www.brianproctor.com

People used to say my father looked at the world through rose-colored glasses.

They didn’t always mean it as a compliment.

They thought he was naive. That maybe he didn’t see how difficult life could really be.

But I watched my father up close.

I saw the setbacks. I saw the disappointments. I saw the days when things did not go according to plan.

And I can tell you this:

He saw all of it. He just made a decision about what he was going to focus on.

That decision shaped his entire life.

In EP48 of Born to Win, I want to share one of the most practical lessons I ever learned from my father, Bob Proctor: optimism is not pretending everything is fine. It is choosing what you will do with what happens.

I remember watching him face a disappointing turnout at an event years ago. I expected him to be devastated.

Instead, he looked at the people who had shown up and said:

“Those 20 people came out tonight to listen to what I have to say. That is a very good thing, and I am grateful for it.”

Then he told me something I never forgot:

“A pro is at their best regardless.”

At the time, I thought he was ignoring reality.

Years later, I understood.

He wasn’t refusing to see the problem.

He refused to let the problem become the only thing he could see.

Inside this episode, I explore:

• Why my father’s optimism was a discipline, not simply part of his personality.

• What “rose-colored glasses” really meant in the way he lived his life.

• Why optimism does not mean denying problems, pain, or disappointment.

• How what you focus on influences what you notice—and therefore what you do.

• Three simple practices I learned from my father for training yourself to look for the good.

• Why asking a better question can completely change the direction of your thinking.

• How gratitude can train your mind to notice more of what is already working.

• Why you should pay close attention to what you allow into your mind every day.

One of the things my father used to say when something went terribly wrong was:

“This is so bad, there has to be something good in it.”

That does not mean every difficult experience suddenly becomes pleasant.

It means you refuse to surrender your ability to look for possibility.

And I understand that lesson differently now than I did as a young man.

When I lost my father, I could have focused only on what I had lost.

And believe me, I felt that loss deeply.

But I could also look at what he had given me: decades of lessons, a way of seeing the world, millions of lives touched, and the opportunity I now have to sit here and pass some of those lessons along to you.

I chose to see both.

Here’s what I want you to remember:

My father didn’t wear rose-colored glasses because he couldn’t see the world clearly.

He wore them because he could.

He saw the difficult parts.

And he chose to look for the good anyway.

That is a choice available to every one of us.

So this week, think about one difficult situation you’re dealing with right now.

Don’t pretend it isn’t difficult.

Name it honestly.

Then ask yourself:

“What good is there in this?”

Find one answer.

And tomorrow morning, before you touch your phone, write down a few very specific things you’re grateful for.

Do that for seven days.

Then notice whether the world changed...

or whether the way you are seeing it did.

Simplified Success in 15 Minutes or Less.

Quit Screwing Around: This is Your Life — now at Amazon, Audible, Walmart, Barnes & Noble and other retailers: https://www.brianproctor.com/quitscrewingaround

My Father Knew the Secret: Growing Up with Bob Proctor: https://www.MyFatherKnewtheSecret.com

12 Easy Steps To Change Your Life: Stop Waiting For That BIG Thing: https://www.12easysteps.com

More from Brian Proctor: https://www.brianproctor.com

For years, I thought my father, Bob Proctor, had this one completely backward.

He would tell me, "Decide what you want. Don't worry about how you'll get it."

And I'd argue with him.

How could I possibly decide to do something if I didn't know how I was going to make it happen? Where would the money come from? Who would help me? What was the plan?

I thought I was being practical.

What I eventually discovered changed the way I make decisions, pursue goals, and approach opportunities in my life.

My father understood something that took me years to fully appreciate: The how doesn't come before the decision. It comes after.

Think about that.

Most people spend their lives waiting for the path to become clear before they're willing to commit to a destination. And in doing so, they never really get moving.

In EP47 of Born to Win, I share what it was like growing up with this teaching, why I resisted it for so long, and the moment I finally began to understand what my father was trying to tell me.

Inside this episode, we'll explore:

• Why waiting to know how can keep you from ever getting what you really want.

• The three reasons we resist making decisions, even when our desires are clear.

• What I learned watching my father build his seminar business without having every step figured out.

• How making a definite decision changes what you begin noticing in the world around you.

• Three practical steps you can take to turn a wish into a decision and begin moving toward it.

• Why you only need to see the next step, not the entire staircase.

I'll also give you a simple exercise you can use this week to identify something you've been putting off and finally begin moving toward it.

Here's what I want you to remember:

You don't need to know how to get what you want before you decide you want it.

You need to get clear. Make the decision. And take the first step.

The next step will reveal itself as you move forward.

My father spent years trying to help me understand this. And now that I do, I want to pass it along to you.

So let me ask you the same question he used to ask me:

Is that what you really want?

If the answer is yes, stop waiting for the entire plan.

Make the decision.

And get moving.

Simplified Success in 15 Minutes or Less.

Quit Screwing Around: This is Your Life — now at Amazon, Audible, Walmart, Barnes & Noble and other retailers: https://www.brianproctor.com/quitscrewingaround

My Father Knew the Secret: Growing Up with Bob Proctor: https://www.MyFatherKnewtheSecret.com

12 Easy Steps To Change Your Life: Stop Waiting For That BIG Thing: https://www.12easysteps.com

More from Brian Proctor: https://www.brianproctor.com