A lot of us live in a program, limiting the opportunities from appearing due to being confined to an imaginary boundary that is contingent on our made-up sense of self-worth. And when we sense a life-changing experience around the corner, we often tend to push the opportunity away by assuming that this is not something we are worthy of saying yes to. It is terrifying to let go of our conditioning and say yes to life. It is incredibly scary to be spontaneous. For many of us, the freedom paradoxically lies in the lack of it, in the illusion of having it, while secretly rejoicing in the reality of perpetual lack. But the moment one becomes aware of this, there comes around another chance to say yes to life, which will not be missed this time...

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Lately, time has been flowing so slowly, which got me thinking about time. How can I be so arrogant to assume that a simple human mind can be in control of everything? How can I assume that everything has something to do with me? Why don’t we look at our present and act on it, instead of measuring how much time was wasted in the past or will likely be wasted in the future? All of these thoughts are either assumptions or false conjectures. Everything is a learning experience, and it is a waste of time not to accept the lessons that have been given to us and continue to persevere, which in itself is a futile practice of human stubbornness.

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Website: https://lutinstas320.myportfolio.com

Gmail: lutinstas320@gmail.com

Inst (podcast): @bluehourpod

Inst(personal): @stas_liutin (https://www.instagram.com/stas_liutin/)

There is no bright future for you anymore. You are too old for this, too frail, too exhausted. You have seen too much in this world, so much that every time somebody tells you about their problems, you quickly disregard their argument, saying or at least thinking quietly to yourself that nobody has it worse than you. And therefore nobody will ever understand you. Because surely, you are the only person who has ever been fired. Surely, you are the only one who has been through a breakup. Who lost a loved one. Who was forced to move out by a landlord? Who had to leave their home country for reasons that have nothing to do with you. This world is so unfair and you are an impeccable example of a perfect victim.

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Website: https://lutinstas320.myportfolio.com

Gmail: lutinstas320@gmail.com

Inst (podcast): @bluehourpod

Inst (personal): @stas_liutin (https://www.instagram.com/stas_liutin/)

Once again I have found myself in this really confusing state, questioning everything. Where am I heading, what is my purpose, am I surrounding myself with right people? Why does it feel like I’m burnt out when I have only just started working after a long break? I decide to sit and think, about all things that could possibly improve my current way of life, but even thinking itself has become much of a nuisance. My attention span grows shorter, and every time I have the idea of creating something I am immediately faced with a variety of self-deprecating thoughts that would not let me progress past a certain point.

At moments like this I prefer to focus on the outside world, trying as much as I can to escape the negativity within by making sure the world outside is still there, following its own trajectory, totally unconcerned with my concerns. And to my surprise I see that nothing has changed – the sun is still shining, there are people outside noting the small things in life and rejoicing in their randomness, the city never ceases to surprise with its erratic nature. And I contemplate it for a moment and suddenly it feels like all the rumination was futile, what is the point of trying to keep control of the world so complex and multifaceted. How was I so foolish to think it could be possible to keep hold of everything, when I tiny gust of wind is enough to make me fall to pieces.

For cooperation:

Website: https://lutinstas320.myportfolio.com

Gmail: lutinstas320@gmail.com

Inst (podcast): @bluehourpod

Inst (personal): @stas_liutin (https://www.instagram.com/stas_liutin/)