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How examining our inherited rules helps us choose balance over burnout.

In this episode, Dr. Cathy White unpacks the heavy guilt so many teachers feel when they choose their own needs over their work. Using a simple story about canceling a non‑required student meeting to walk her dog on a beautiful spring day, she explores how “shoulds,” internalized rules, and inherited ideas of what a good teacher does can quietly drive us toward burnout and self‑erasure.

Dr. White explains the difference between healthy reflection and guilt‑driven rumination, introduces the idea of social “defaults” borrowed from Adam Grant’s Originals, and shows how unexamined norms in education keep teachers stuck in cycles of overwork and sacrifice. She offers a practical set of reflective questions to help you separate your values from other people’s expectations, recalibrate your standards, and reclaim your power to define what being a good teacher means for you at this stage of your life.

Three Questions to Ask When You Feel Guilt or Shame

1. What rule (spoken or unspoken) did I just break?
2. Where did I learn that rule?
3. Do I still believe that rule?

Reflection Prompts

When you last felt guilt or shame about a work decision:

• What rule did you feel you had broken?
• Where did that rule come from?
• Do you still believe it?

What are three “shoulds” you carry about being a good teacher?

• Which of these genuinely align with your values?
• Which might just be inherited defaults?

Considering your current capacity, role, and life circumstances:

• What needs to stay the same in your standards for yourself?
• What might need to loosen or change—at least for this season?
• Where might you be reinforcing harmful norms—by judging yourself or others for setting boundaries or saying no?

What’s Coming Next: When Administrators’ Judgments Hit Your Identity

Resources

Free Values Map: tools.drcathywhite.com/values

Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World

Ground Before Growth Substack

If you’re enjoying Between Teacher and Self, follow the show so new episodes appear automatically in your podcast app.

You can also help more teachers find the show by rating or reviewing it and sharing an episode with someone who might recognize themselves in the conversation.

Between Teacher and Self is hosted by educator and author Dr. Cathy White.

🌐 Learn more: drcathywhite.com

The work shapes who we become, and who we become shapes how we do the work.

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What happens when being a good teacher stops being something you do and starts becoming part of who you are?

For years, I knew I was good at my job. I could teach, lead, present, solve problems, and handle difficult situations. Then I spent a year in an environment that slowly made me question all of it.

In this first episode of Between Teacher and Self, I explore how competence becomes part of teacher identity, and what can happen when the feedback loop that once reinforced that identity suddenly changes.

We’ll look at why one difficult school, a new administrator, a career transition, or even a new grade level can make an experienced teacher feel unexpectedly unsteady. We’ll also talk about the difference between skills, which can change depending on the environment, and values, which provide a much more stable foundation for who we are.

You can still care about being a good teacher. The goal is to make sure teaching isn’t the only place your identity has roots.

A question to think about after this episode:

If you woke up tomorrow and were suddenly no longer good at teaching, who would you still be?

If you want to explore that question more deeply, download the free Values Map to identify the values that belong to you and not just to your role as a teacher.

👉 Download the Values Map: tools.drcathywhite.com/values

If this episode resonated with you, follow Between Teacher and Self so you don’t miss the next episode, where we’ll ask: Who decided what a “good teacher” looks like, and how much of that definition actually belongs to you?

If you’re enjoying Between Teacher and Self, follow the show so new episodes appear automatically in your podcast app.

You can also help more teachers find the show by rating or reviewing it and sharing an episode with someone who might recognize themselves in the conversation.

Between Teacher and Self is hosted by educator and author Dr. Cathy White.

🌐 Learn more: drcathywhite.com

The work shapes who we become, and who we become shapes how we do the work.

Send us Fan Mail

If you’re enjoying Between Teacher and Self, follow the show so new episodes appear automatically in your podcast app.

You can also help more teachers find the show by rating or reviewing it and sharing an episode with someone who might recognize themselves in the conversation.

Between Teacher and Self is hosted by educator and author Dr. Cathy White.

🌐 Learn more: drcathywhite.com

The work shapes who we become, and who we become shapes how we do the work.