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How examining our inherited rules helps us choose balance over burnout.

In this episode, Dr. Cathy White unpacks the heavy guilt so many teachers feel when they choose their own needs over their work. Using a simple story about canceling a non‑required student meeting to walk her dog on a beautiful spring day, she explores how “shoulds,” internalized rules, and inherited ideas of what a good teacher does can quietly drive us toward burnout and self‑erasure.

Dr. White explains the difference between healthy reflection and guilt‑driven rumination, introduces the idea of social “defaults” borrowed from Adam Grant’s Originals, and shows how unexamined norms in education keep teachers stuck in cycles of overwork and sacrifice. She offers a practical set of reflective questions to help you separate your values from other people’s expectations, recalibrate your standards, and reclaim your power to define what being a good teacher means for you at this stage of your life.

Three Questions to Ask When You Feel Guilt or Shame

1. What rule (spoken or unspoken) did I just break?
2. Where did I learn that rule?
3. Do I still believe that rule?

Reflection Prompts

When you last felt guilt or shame about a work decision:

• What rule did you feel you had broken?
• Where did that rule come from?
• Do you still believe it?

What are three “shoulds” you carry about being a good teacher?

• Which of these genuinely align with your values?
• Which might just be inherited defaults?

Considering your current capacity, role, and life circumstances:

• What needs to stay the same in your standards for yourself?
• What might need to loosen or change—at least for this season?
• Where might you be reinforcing harmful norms—by judging yourself or others for setting boundaries or saying no?

What’s Coming Next: When Administrators’ Judgments Hit Your Identity

Resources

Free Values Map: tools.drcathywhite.com/values

Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World

Ground Before Growth Substack

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Between Teacher and Self is hosted by educator and author Dr. Cathy White.

🌐 Learn more: drcathywhite.com

The work shapes who we become, and who we become shapes how we do the work.