In this deeply personal episode, Josh and Sarah Claire explore the fourth spiritual movement: the journey from resentment to gratitude. Against the backdrop of Josh’s own unfolding experience with relational pain, they discuss the role of anger, forgiveness, and the very real barriers to healing that queer Christians often face. They unpack the meaning of resentment, how it forms in response to injustice, and how true gratitude is not a bypassing of pain but an act of grace-infused transformation.

CHAPTERS

00:00 | Introduction

07:02 | Defining Resentment and Gratitude

11:45 | The Unique Resentments Faced by Queer People

18:15 | The Danger of Self-Righteousness

19:42 | Jonah, Nineveh, and God's Unwanted Mercy

24:50 | The Connection Between Shame and Resentment

27:45 | Belonging, Security, and Significance: The Roots of Perceived Enemies

31:20 | Releasing Control and Becoming Receivers

36:48 | Forgiveness as a Practice, Not a Moment

39:53 | Josh's Journey with Forgiveness and Resentment

43:47 | Forgiveness Rooted in God’s Justice and Our Own Forgiveness

49:13 | Three Practices to Move from Resentment to Gratitude

56:35 | Final Reflections for Pastors and Directors

60:05 | Credits

FOOTNOTES

Guest Contributors:

• Sarah Patterson, Track Leader of Tyndale Seminary's DMin in Spiritual Formation | 58:05

Referenced Works:

• Eve Tushnet, Tenderness (Chicago: Wiseblood Books, 2020) | 18:20, 38:36, 44:15, and 50:13 on forgiveness, resentment, and God's compassion.

• Alan Downs, The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World (Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press, 2005) | 17:20 and 43:26 on gay male anger and the power of forgiveness.

• Dan Kida, sermon at Providencia WPB | Quoted at 28:05: “An enemy is anyone who threatens my belonging, security, or significance.”

• The Chosen, Season 4 | 41:06

• C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle (New York: HarperCollins, 2001) Note: First published in 1956 | 53:40

Scripture

• The Book of Jonah | discussed at 19:42–23:35

• Exodus 32:6 | 22:07

• The parable of the Pharisee and tax collector (Luke 18:9–14) | 18:20

Music Featured:

• Bitter Mint by Emily Blaylock | 03:22

• Change by Emily Blaylock | 56:10

Read the full Research Document here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Go_PRhhwvmNDm7QKJbT99Bi7kG5qbXff/view?usp=sharing

In this episode of Becoming Whole, we explore the third spiritual movement: the journey from sorrow to joy. Recognizing that sorrow is an unavoidable part of life, particularly for LGBT+ and same-sex attracted individuals, Josh and Sarah Claire discuss how deep pains—both personal and collective—impact our spiritual lives. S Through reflections on clean and dirty pain, grief practices, and the transformative power of mourning, they chart a path toward resilient joy.

CHAPTERS

00:00 | Introduction

01:20 | Lesli on the Unique Sorrows of Queer Christians

07:31 | Defining Sorrow: Loss, Pain and the Brokenness of the World

09:24 | Specific Griefs and Coping Mechanisms of Queer People

17:15 | Clean Pain vs. Dirty Pain: Moving Toward Healing

22:53 | Redefining Joy: Life After Pain, Not Absent of It

27:35 | How Mourning Leads to Joy

32:04 | Spiritual Practices for Joy

43:20 | Closing Conversations with Henry and Lesli

49:50 | Credits

FOOTNOTES

Guest Contributors:

• Lesli Hudson-Reynolds, Spiritual Director, Whispers in the Wind (whispersinthewind.org) | 01:26 and 44:57

• Henry Abuto, Co-host of the Life on Side B Podcast | 43:20

Referenced Works:

• Case Study 2, Interviewed by Josh Proctor, October 2023 | 00:33

• Resmaa Menakem, My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized trauma and the pathway to mending our hearts and bodies. (Central Recovery Press, 2017) | 17:50

• Julia Sadusky, interviewed on the Life on Side B Podcast, “S2E4 | Dr. Julia Sadusky on Mental Health and Loneliness” | 02:37

• Peter A. Levine, In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness (North Atlantic Books, 2010) | 35:23

Music Featured:

• Why Does Everybody Leave by Ben Parks | 00:00

• The Doxology by Clayton Waller | 50:00

Read the full Research Document here.

This episode explores the second spiritual movement: Murkiness to Transparency, focused on how we see God and the world. We discuss the misconceptions and false teachings that have shaped the spiritual experiences of queer people, emphasizing the importance of recognizing God's incomprehensibility and the need for spiritual practices that foster surrender and connection.

Footnotes

Chapter 1 | Introduction (00:00)

• 00:00 | Sergii Pavkin, “A Long Way,” Pixabay, 2023.

• 00:20 | Rachel Dowda, reading of Mary Oliver’s “The Journey”, 2024, Audio.

• 01:37 | Case Study 1, interview by Josh Proctor, October 2023.

• 02:18 | Lin Melone, interview by Josh Proctor, July 29, 2024.

Chapter 2 | Defining Murkiness (03:33)

• 06:13 | Eve Tushnet, Tenderness: A Gay Christian’s Guide to Unlearning Rejection and Experiencing God's Extravagant Love (Notre Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 2021).

Chapter 3 | False Ideas LGBT Christians Received (08:22)

• 09:08 | Zakhar Valaha, “Perfect Beauty,” Pixabay.

• 09:18 | The audio clip comes from the following podcast episode: “Heavy Burdens: Interview with Bridget Eileen Rivera (Part 1).” A Pastor and a Philosopher Walk into a Bar. Hosted by Randy Knie and Kyle Whitaker. February 24, 2022. Podcast, 51:07. https://open.spotify.com/episode/54DfBoYeDgoX2p5n5caXD9. A national study analyzing data from the 2016–2019 National Survey on Drug Use and Health found that while religious attendance is associated with lower suicide risk among heterosexual individuals, it correlates with higher suicide risk among gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals.

• 09:55 | Bridget Eileen Rivera. Heavy Burdens: Seven Ways LGBTQ Christians Experience Harm in the Church. Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2021.​

• 11:13 | Lin Melone, interview by Josh Proctor, July 29, 2024.

Chapter 4 | The Fear of God’s Will (12:40)

• 14:52 | Bekah Mason. "Non-Traditional Families Are Biblical Families." Workshop presented at Revoice18 Conference, St. Louis, MO, July 26-28, 2018.

Chapter 5 | Our Image of God Impacts Our Formation (16:55)

• 17:16 | A.W. Tozer. The Knowledge of the Holy. New York: HarperCollins, 1978.​

• 19:08 | Isaiah 6

• 22:17 | Jenkins, Dallas, creator. The Chosen. VidAngel Studios, 2019–present. Streaming video. https://watch.angelstudios.com/thechosen.

Chapter 6 | Embracing Mystery (23:11)

• 24:30 | Lin Melone, interview by Josh Proctor, July 29, 2024.

• 27:41 | M. Robert Mulholland Jr., Invitation to a Journey: A Road Map for Spiritual Formation (Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books, 1993).

Chapter 7 | Defining Transparency (28:32)

• 29:46 | 1 Corinthians 3:18

Chapter 8 | Spiritual Practices for Transparency (31:56)

• 33:41 | James Empereur, Spiritual Direction and the Gay Person (London: Bloomsbury Academic, 1998).​

• 39: 56 | C.S. Lewis. The Last Battle. New York: HarperCollins, 2001. (Note: First published in 1956.)

Chapter 9 | The Gift of Things Falling Apart (41:25)

• 44:40 | Paradise Hymns, “Arrow,” written by Daniel Brunjes, 2020, Spotify.

• 45:18 | Rachel Dowda, reader. Against a Closed Sky. By Walter Brueggemann. Audio recording. November 8, 2024.

Chapter 10 | Credits (47:04)

Read the full Research Document here.

Special thanks to Zac Wagner for sound engineering support.