About the Guest

Nanci Kincaid is a celebrated novelist known for her emotionally resonant storytelling and authentic voice. She gained notable acclaim for her book Balls, published in 1998, which offers insights into the life of coaches' wives. Nanci was married to the late legendary coach Dick Tomey, whose coaching career spanned several successful programs, including Hawaii, Arizona, and San Jose State. Nanci has been an influential voice among spouses of sports professionals, providing a unique perspective from the sidelines of major college football. Her insights into life with a prominent coach and her own career as an author make her a compelling storyteller and personality.

Episode Summary

In this episode of Becoming UnDone, host Toby Brooks engages with Nanci Kincaid, the widow of iconic football coach Dick Tomey, to explore the legacy and lessons left by her late husband. Known for transforming underdog teams into contenders, Coach Tomey's leadership style was both demanding and compassionate, a hallmark of his illustrious career. His driving belief that "great coaches go into impossible places and make them possible" embodies his approach to coaching and life. Nanci shares memories and insights from their life together, painting an intimate portrait of a man who, despite the demands of a high-stakes profession, maintained deep personal connections and a commitment to character-building.

The episode delves into the challenges of the 2000s season, a pivotal point in Coach Tomey’s career, capturing the emotional weight of leading through difficult times. Nanci recounts how Tomey's belief in forgiveness, optimism, and continual growth helped both him and his teams succeed against odds. From discussions on leadership principles to personal anecdotes about life beyond the field, this episode offers a profound exploration of the values that Dick Tomey instilled not just in his players, but everyone around him. The conversation encapsulates the essence of maintaining cultural integrity, choosing happiness as a decision, and the significance of leaving a legacy defined by love and loyalty.

Key Takeaways

• Legacy of Leadership: Coach Dick Tomey's leadership style was marked by compassion, forgiveness, and a commitment to developing character in his players.
• Life Beyond Football: For Coach Tomey, football was not only about winning games but was a medium to teach important life lessons and foster personal growth.
• Resilience Through Challenges: The 2000 season was a testament to Tomey's resilience and ability to remain focused on team and individual values amidst professional turmoil.
• The Power of Forgiveness: One of Tomey’s greatest strengths was his ability to forgive, enabling others to grow and learn from their mistakes without fear of retribution.
• Cultural Impact: Coach Tomey's influence went beyond his formal coaching role, as he developed lasting relationships and left a timeless legacy in multiple communities.

Notable Quotes

1. "Great coaches go into impossible places and make them possible." – Nanci Kincaid
2. "I'm a learner. And that was the most romantic feeling thing I had ever hea

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Support the show

Becoming Undone is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyJBrooks. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

About the Host

Toby Brooks is an introspective speaker, coach, and author with experience in helping high-performance athletes and high achievers from diverse industries such as the arts, military, and entrepreneurship to navigate significant transitions in their lives. Through his personal journey from being an athlete to becoming a mentor and coach, Toby developed a keen insight into the identity shifts that accompany career and life changes. He has developed the UN.D.O.N.E. (tm) coaching model, aimed at helping individuals rebuild their lives and careers from the inside out.

Episode Summary

In this podcast episode, Toby Brooks explores the deep emotional journey many face as they transition from roles that once defined them. As someone who once sat in a locker room dealing with the loss of his identity as an athlete, Toby draws parallels between his experience and the struggles others face when their professional or personal identities change. He delves into what he terms "purpose storms," moments when individuals must confront the daunting question of who they are now that their previous roles have ended.

The episode further unpacks the journey of self-discovery and identity evolution. Toby highlights that losing an identity, whether it's as an athlete, a military leader, or a corporate executive, does not mean an end but rather a shift towards becoming something new. Using the story of Olympian Michael Phelps, he illustrates the profound impact identity loss can have and the need to grieve one's past identity to embrace new opportunities. This thoughtful discourse also introduces Toby's own UN.D.O.N.E. Method (tm), a framework for personal growth and transformation designed to guide people through significant life shifts with intention and courage.

Key Takeaways:

• Identity transitions are a common and challenging experience that many people face, irrespective of their profession or achievement level.
• Experiencing the end of a significant role or identity can lead to a deep period of introspection referred to as "purpose storms."
• Grieving past identities is essential to moving forward and embracing new opportunities and roles in life.
• The "Undone Method," Toby Brooks' coaching model, offers a structured approach to navigating personal and professional transitions.
• Identity does not disappear with the loss of a role; it evolves, and with support, the shift can lead to new, fulfilling paths.

Notable Quotes:

1. "Endings aren't just about what stops. They're about what shifts."
2. "Identity doesn't evaporate. It evolves."
3. "You might not be the athlete anymore, but maybe you're the mentor, the coach, the author, the entrepreneur."
4. "You have to grieve the old before you can greet the new."
5. "Even when it feels like it's over, it might just be the beginning."

Resources:

• Toby Brooks' Website: tobyjbrooks.com

Tune in to the full episode to engage with Toby Brooks' insightful journey and learn more about navigating life's transitions. Stay tuned for more compelling discussions on identity, purpose, and transformation in upcoming episodes.

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming Undone is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyJBrooks. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

About the Guest

Ken Niumatalolo is a renowned American football coach recognized for his tenure as head coach at the Naval Academy, where he became the winningest coach in program history. With a career emphasizing leadership, discipline, and teamwork, Niumatalolo has cultivated a legacy of developing successful athletes and resilient teams. Currently serving as the head coach for San Jose State Spartans, Niumatalolo embodies the principles of humility, service, and culture that he learned from influential mentors, including the legendary Coach Dick Tomey.

Episode Summary

In this enlightening episode of Becoming UnDone, host Toby Brooks engages in a heartfelt conversation with Ken Niumatalolo, head coach for San Jose State Spartans. The dialogue begins with a nostalgic recounting of Niumatalolo's roots, from his humble beginnings selling newspapers in Hawaii to becoming a celebrated football quarterback for the Rainbow Warriors, eventually transitioning into coaching. Through personal anecdotes, Niumatalolo shares the profound influence of Coach Dick Tomey on his personal and professional life, illustrating the timeless lessons imparted by Tomey on leadership, integrity, and cultural inclusivity.

Niumatalolo's portrayal of Coach Dick Tomey as a master strategist and compassionate leader underscores the enduring impact of Tomey's philosophies in modern coaching practices. The episode highlights Tomey's universal approach to building cohesive teams from diverse backgrounds, emphasizing the importance of heart, trust, and authenticity. As Niumatalolo expounds on Tomey's legacy, he reflects on the invaluable guidance and support that shaped his coaching journey, reaffirming the narrative that effective leadership transcends the playing field, impacting players' lives beyond their athletic careers.

Key Takeaways

• Impactful Leadership: Ken Niumatalolo emphasizes how Coach Dick Tomey's leadership style focused on inclusivity, heart, and genuine care for his players, driving them to succeed both on and off the field.
• Cultural Integration: Coach Tomey's ability to unify players from diverse backgrounds set a standard for building teams characterized by cohesion, respect, and a shared commitment to excellence.
• Enduring Legacy: The principles and legacy of Coach Tomey continue to resonate within the San Jose State Spartans football program, showcasing a lasting influence on players and staff.
• Personal Growth: In an era of transactional leadership, Niumatalolo advocates for a people-first approach that prioritizes individual development and authentic engagement with team members.
• Coaching Beyond Wins: Niumatalolo's insights reveal that the ultimate measure of a coach's success extends beyond game victories to the lasting impact on players' lives and personal growth.

Notable Quotes

1. "Coach Tomey was more of an orchestrator of a mentality. I mean, he was a master psychologist, you know. He was a great motivator." – Ken Niumatalolo
2. "He might be gone physically, but Coach isn't gone. His life lessons carry on with people that knew him." – Ken Niumatalolo
3. "The thing I learned from him is that's not what

Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!

Support the show

Becoming Undone is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyJBrooks. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.