"God, please don't leave me like this." She prayed it standing in an office at work, with tears running and no idea what to do with the gap between the woman everybody saw and the woman she actually was.

In this episode of Barefoot Conversations, I sit down with Desire, a teacher, a mother, a wife, and a woman who spent years being everybody else because the real her had been rejected before. We talk about what it costs to perform a life. The posts that say family first while your own house is falling apart. The version of yourself you build out of what other people clapped for. The rejection that got planted so early she can trace it back to a game of school with her cousins.

Desire is honest in a way that is rare. She talks about the mentor who told her, you are not coming off as nice as you think you are, and what it was like to actually hear it. She talks about the picture God gave her of a person who looked fine on the outside while something else was living on the inside. She talks about the boundary she finally set with her own father, and what he did with it that she never expected.

And then there is the other side of it. Five years of surrender. A clean room. A dream about a stadium and a row of seats she had to empty. A movie role she did not go looking for. A mission trip to South Africa. And a word for the woman still hiding: there is no other you.

If you have ever put on a face to be accepted, or worn so many of them you cannot remember which one is yours, pull up a chair. This one is for you.

IN THIS EPISODE

- Why the mask goes on in the first place, and how early it starts

- The difference between people pleasing and God pleasing

- Setting a boundary with the person you most want to make proud

- What it sounds like when God shows you yourself and you do not look away

- Spiritual bypassing, and why God can handle your anger

- The season of separating, and the people who cannot come where you are going

- The art of obedience, and what obedience opened up for her

ABOUT DESIRE

Desire is a teacher, wife, and mother who spent seven years as a family teacher at Boys Town before God started rebuilding how she shows up at home, at work, and in the room. She is stepping into a film role, heading to South Africa on mission, and telling the truth about all of it. Find her at [add Desire's Instagram or website].

CONNECT

Rachel: www.racheldfox.com | rachel@racheldfox.com

If this episode met you somewhere, share it with one person who needs it today, and follow Barefoot Conversations so you never miss a story.

Rachel D. Fox, DSL

"I'm built for this." That is what Kiya says now, and by the end of this conversation you will understand what it cost her to be able to mean it.

In this episode of Barefoot Conversations, I sit down with my friend Kiya, a photographer, a dancer, and one of the most tender and self aware young women I know. For most of her life she was the strong friend, the one everybody leaned on, the happy face in the room who was quietly carrying far more than anyone knew.

We talk about where that armor came from, the wounds that taught her she could never break, and the generational trauma she decided to stop passing down. She is honest about her mental health journey, about the seasons that pulled her into the dark, and the night in a closet when she asked God to take her and woke up certain she had been kept here on purpose.

This one is tender in places, and it is full of hope. Kiya talks about choosing herself, laying down what was never hers to carry, doing the scary thing while she was still scared, and the words that carry her now: I'm built for this.

If you have ever been the strong one, the person who holds it together for everyone else, pull up a chair. Kiya has a word for you.

A gentle note before you listen: this conversation includes honest talk about depression, self harm, and suicide. Please take good care of your heart. If you are struggling, you are not alone and you do not have to carry it by yourself. In the US you can call or text 988 any time to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

IN THIS EPISODE

- Why the strong friend so often carries what nobody sees

- The wound that taught her never to break, and how she started to heal it

- Choosing to stop passing down generational trauma

- Healing the little girl still standing in the mirror

- The night in the closet, and waking up sure she was kept here on purpose

- Doing it scared: how fear and faith live in the same room

- The words that carry her now, I'm built for this

ABOUT KAYA

Kiya is a photographer and dancer who speaks openly about mental health, healing, and faith so that other people know they are not alone. Find her at [add Kiya's Instagram or website].

CONNECT

Kiya: @nhimagesphotography

Rachel: www.racheldfox.com | rachel@racheldfox.com

If this episode met you somewhere, share it with one person who needs it today, and follow Barefoot Conversations so you never miss a story.

Some stories make you wonder how one person carried all of it and still kept her faith. This is one of those.

In this episode of Barefoot Conversations, I sit down with my friend Kat, a breast cancer survivor, author, and trauma coach. Eighteen years ago she heard the three words nobody wants to hear: you have cancer. What she learned in that fight became the very thing that carried her through a season she calls harder than cancer itself.

We get into the kind of betrayal that rearranges a person, what happens in the body and the brain when the hard things keep stacking up, forgiveness that has to be spoken more than once, and the question that changed everything for her: am I being punished, or have I been chosen?

Kat does not tie it up with a bow. She is still walking it out, scars and all. But by the end she has a word for anyone sitting in a hard place: there is help, there is healing, and you are not nearly as alone as you have been told.

If you have ever wondered where God was in your hardest season, pull up a chair. This one is for you.

A gentle heads up: this conversation touches on illness, loss, and seasons of deep struggle. Take good care of your heart as you listen.

IN THIS EPISODE

- Why the lessons of cancer became the tools that carried her through what came next

- Forgiveness as a daily practice, not a one time decision

- How trauma that nobody names still shows up in the body

- Where faith and the science of the brain finally meet

- The Job and Joseph question: punished, or chosen?

- A message of hope for anyone suffering in silence

ABOUT KAT

Kat is a breast cancer survivor, author, and trauma coach who walks with people through grief, betrayal, and the hard work of healing. Her devotional, Breast Cancer Radiant, was born out of her own treatment. Learn more at coachwithpurepeace.com.

CONNECT

Kat: coachwithpurepeace.com

Rachel: www.racheldfox.com | rachel@racheldfox.com

If this episode met you somewhere, share it with one person who needs it today, and follow Barefoot Conversations so you never miss a story.

Rachel D. Fox, DSL

CHAPTERS (optional, supported by Apple Podcasts and Spotify)

00:00 The three words no one wants to hear

01:17 A typical suburban mom, then a diagnosis

03:18 Three weeks after radiation

05:43 The trauma no one named

08:32 The hard work of forgiveness

10:45 Why she speaks forgiveness out loud

12:40 When radiation became radiant

15:54 The book that came from the table

16:20 Keeping life normal for the kids

19:23 A neurobiological break in trust

20:13 Betrayal again, and nowhere to go

25:03 When the body keeps the score

29:32 Can you lose trust that God is good?

32:16 When the church is not equipped for real pain

34:08 Where faith meets the science of the brain

38:59 Punished, or chosen?

41:36 A masterpiece in the making

46:04 Why she is telling this story now

48:02 Her message to you: there is hope

51:52 Where to find Kat