Equalizer 2000 is a low-budget post-apocalyptic action outing that leans hard into its Mad Max-adjacent aspirations while never quite mustering the resources or narrative discipline to match them. Set in a desert wasteland where a militarized regime clashes with rebels over a powerful weapon created by Slade (the late genre film star Richard Norton), the film mostly strings together dusty chases, stock dystopian imagery, and stiff dialogue that feels engineered for functionality rather than persuasion. Its central gimmick, the titular MAN GUN, does most of the heavy lifting, often compensating for thin characterization and a plot that exists more as connective tissue between shootouts than a coherent arc.

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Mortal Kombat was the first video game movie that many people from our generation saw, which felt at least mostly faithful to the source material. Dark sorcerers, monsters, a tournament of fighters, and combat that may or may not be mortal. We've been dancing around this one for a long time, and we were planning on waiting for the upcoming 4K release, but when the idea of a month dedicated to people we lost last year came up, we decided it was time to pull the trigger and chat about Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa in his most iconic role as Shang Tsung. Liu Kang, Johnny Cage, and Sonya Blade travel to a mystical island with the help of Lord Raiden (played amazingly by Christopher Lambert) to defend Earth Realm against a coming incursion from the dark forces of Outworld. Directed by garbage king Paul WS Anderson, this one marks the start of a career featuring spotty CGI and weak scripts, and is definitely one of his best films.

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This is another new release we will be tackling this month. The Mandalorian and Grogu is a continuation of the series, which we just wrapped up, and will follow Din Djarin and Grogu as they are enlisted by the New Republic to protect Rotta the Hutt in exchange for information on another New Republic target. Let's fucking go!

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Tom Cruise plays a soldier who stumbles into an ancient tomb and accidentally “unwraps” a problem better left sealed, a vengeful princess with plans that are perhaps a bit too forward-thinking for the living. What follows is a globetrotting scramble involving secret societies, supernatural chaos, and Cruise doing his usual sprinting like cardio might fix a curse. The film aims for dark mythmaking; it was supposed to kick off Universal's now-defunct Dark Universe, but occasionally feels caught between tones, as if it can’t quite decide whether it's a horror or action film, so it tries to be both and ends up a little… entombed in its own ambition.

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Everybody's favorite bifurcated Sith returns in a brand new Disney+ series, but now instead of hunting Jedi, he's... well, kind of hunting a Jedi. Maul Shadow Lord follows Maul as he tries to find a new place in the galaxy after losing his criminal empire while also trying to recruit Padawan-on-the-run Devon away from her Jedi Master. The series mixes street level crime and car chases with Imperial tensions and some of the best lightsaber battles we've seen to date. Oh, and there's a BIG surprise at the end! Join Jack and Derrick and we dive into the entire ten episode series of Maul Shadow Lord!

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In this installment of The Mummy franchise, the O’Connells head to China, swap out Evie (now played by Maria Bello), and wake up a terracotta emperor (Jet Li) who can shapeshift and knows martial arts. Brendan Fraser is still doing his best “punch first, figure it out later” routine, but the formula is starting to feel a bit played out. At least they left the Nintendo 64-level CG scorpion man out this time around!

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MumMay continues with more adventures of Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz, but this time their joined by... ahh man... a little baby shitkid. Rick and Evie are now married with a kid, which would be stressful enough without resurrecting both the Imhotep and an angry cartoon character, The Scorpion King (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson). The sequel doubles down on everything: more action, more lore, more sub-Saturday morning cartoon CG, and more instances of Rick solving problems by running directly at them. It’s louder, faster, and occasionally ridiculous.

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