Be sure to also check out the blog post: https://www.authenticpursuit.net/post/the-invisible-rules-running-your-life

Have you ever caught yourself saying:

“I should be doing more.”

“I shouldn’t disappoint people.”

“A good mom would handle this better.”

“I should be able to fix this.”

“I shouldn’t need help.”

But have you ever stopped and asked:

Who told me that was the rule?

In this episode of Authentic Pursuit, we’re talking about the invisible rules that quietly shape how we show up in motherhood, marriage, work, faith, relationships, and even the expectations we place on ourselves.

Some of these rules may have started as ways to stay connected, feel successful, avoid conflict, or keep life feeling safe. But eventually, a rule that once helped us can become something that leaves us exhausted, anxious, resentful, or disconnected from ourselves.

I also share how this shows up in my own life as someone who naturally wants to organize, solve, help, accomplish, and keep things moving. There is nothing wrong with being capable. The problem comes when being capable turns into believing everything is mine to carry.

• Why “should” can be a clue that an invisible rule is running in the background
• The difference between living from your values and living from fear or expectation
• Why capable women can easily become over-responsible
• How people-pleasing and over-functioning can look like kindness
• Why someone else’s disappointment does not automatically mean you did something wrong
• The difference between helping someone and trying to manage their outcome
• Why guilt sometimes shows up when we begin doing something healthier
• How old survival patterns can continue influencing our decisions long after we need them

When you notice an invisible rule, walk yourself through these four steps:

R — Recognize the rule

What am I telling myself I “should” do?

U — Uncover where it came from

Where did I learn this? Is it from my family, culture, faith experiences, relationships, past pain, or expectations I absorbed along the way?

L — Look at the cost

What is this rule costing me emotionally, mentally, relationally, or physically?

E — Exchange it

What is a healthier and more truthful belief I can practice instead?

For example:

Old rule:

I have to keep everyone happy.

New rule:

I can be kind without being responsible for managing everyone’s feelings.

Think about one area of your life that feels heavy right now and ask:

What am I telling myself I should be doing?

Then ask:

Would I give this same rule to my daughter, my best friend, or someone I deeply love?

If the answer is no, it may be worth asking why you are requiring it from yourself.

Feeling guilty does not always mean you are doing something wrong.

Sometimes guilt simply means you are doing something differently.

You are allowed to question expectations you never consciously chose.

You are allowed to grow beyond patterns that once protected you.

And you are allowed to decide:

That rule does not belong in my life anymore.

Explore more resources, conversations, and tools designed to help you better understand your emotions, relationships, patterns, and sense of self at Authentic Pursuit.

And if this episode made you think of someone who is constantly carrying everything for everyone else, share it with her.

Sometimes becoming more authentic is not about adding something new.

Sometimes it is finally putting down something you were never meant to carry.

Be sure to also check out the blog post: https://www.authenticpursuit.net/post/the-invisible-rules-running-your-life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Can Fix It. It’s Fine. I’m Fine.

Have you ever thought, “If I could just find the right words, keep everyone happy, or try a little harder, things would finally be okay?"

In this episode of Authentic Pursuit, we’re talking about the pressure to fix everything and what’s underneath it. From a loved one’s addiction to betrayal, parenting, and keeping the peace, fear can convince us that controlling the outcome will protect us from getting hurt.

We explore:

• Why we confuse control with safety.
• How shame turns someone else’s choices into a statement about our worth.
• The difference between caring for someone and taking responsibility for their decisions.
• What trusting God can look like while still setting boundaries and making hard choices.

A question to sit with: When someone I love struggles or disappoints me, I tell myself it means I am ______.

Someone else’s choices do not determine your worth. You can care deeply without carrying everything.

Explore your own patterns of rescuing, people-pleasing, and putting yourself last with the free Authentic Pursuit Self-Reflection Assessment.

If this episode sounds like someone you love, share it with them.

For More

Email: support@authenticpursuit.net

Website: www.authenticpursuit.net

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theauthenticpursuit

Youtube: https://youtu.be/H8rrCj8dprU

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theauthenticpursuit

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theauthenticpursuit/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Free Resource from the Podcast:

https://www.authenticpursuit.net/challenge-page/6407634d-7992-41a7-9cea-b4d7578f2bd5?programId=6407634d-7992-41a7-9cea-b4d7578f2bd5

Have you ever felt like you’re carrying an invisible list?

Be a good wife. Be a good mom. Be a good friend. Remember everything. Keep everyone happy. Don’t let anyone down.

In this episode of Authentic Pursuit, I’m talking about the expectations we put on ourselves and how easily they can get tied to our worth.

We talk about perfectionism, agape love, the Greek word teleios, and the difference between trying to be flawless and learning to become whole.

I also explore the difference between sacrifice and self erasure, and ask some hard questions:

• Can I love you and still exist?
• Can I care without fixing?
• Can someone be disappointed in me and I still be okay?
• Am I helping because they need it, or because I need them to be okay?

...And maybe the biggest one:

• Who am I when I’m not being useful to someone else?

I also created a free Self Reflection Assessment to help you notice patterns of overfunctioning, people pleasing, rescuing, and putting everyone else’s needs before your own.

The goal is not another score to judge yourself by.

It’s awareness.

Because maybe the goal isn’t becoming perfect enough to be loved.

Maybe it’s becoming whole enough to receive the love that’s already being offered.

Find the free resource and more at:

www.authenticpursuit.net

Authentically,

Kristina

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.