Men say family comes first. Then I ask to see their week, and it's all work.

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What This Episode Covers

Recorded live in front of a room of men at the Men of Greatness Ohio retreat. Ryan used to pull 14 and 16 hour days and tell himself it was for his family. If he had asked his wife whether she wanted another promotion or half the hours and a pay cut, he knows her answer. As men we distort provision. We think it's money. Provision is primarily presence. An empty house is a worthless house.

Ryan walks through three questions to find your core values:

• What are the top three to five things you value most?
• Which of those values actually drives your decisions?
• How do those values show up in your daily life?

Key Takeaways

• Pull up last week's calendar. Which of your top values got the fewest hours?
• Most of us don't have the wrong values. We have them in the wrong order, and order can change.
• Values grow. Retaking StrengthsFinder years later showed Ryan he had grown, not gamed the test.
• A small-group check-in: how did one of your values show up last week, and where didn't it?

If you're ready to stop doing this alone, the Men of Greatness brotherhood is where faith-driven men sharpen each other. It's free to join: https://www.skool.com/men-of-greatness

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My wife rated me a nine out of ten as a husband, and I couldn't take it. That night there wasn't one man on earth I would have told.

Find out where your widest gap is in under 10 minutes with the free Gap Check: https://mogbrotherhood.com/the-gap-check

What This Episode Covers

Everybody likes you. Nobody knows you. You've got the golf buddies, the guys from church, the clients who'd take your call any day of the week. You might be the guy everybody else leans on. And there isn't one man you'd call at eleven at night and tell the truth to.

Here's the hard part. You built it that way, one reasonable decision at a time. Being liked means people see the highlight reel. Being known means they see the rest.

Ryan walks through three things:

• Why you built it. Two questions that show where your worth actually lives: where do you go the night after you lose, and how do you finish the sentence "I'm okay as long as..."
• What it's costing you. March 2006, five grand lost gambling in a week, and the thousand-dollar number he told his wife. The money wasn't the damage. The hiding was.
• How it comes down. A men's retreat at Lake Arrowhead in 2008, one word yelled in a room full of men, and the vow renewal sentence in 2011 that did more than every promise before it.

Key Takeaways

• The approval comes before the performance, not because of it. Most men have that order reversed.
• Being honest in your head doesn't count. Your wife can't respond to a conversation she's never heard.
• Some things only come out when brothers are close enough to hear them.
• This week: one man, one true sentence you've never said out loud. Then stop talking and let him respond.

Scripture in this episode (ESV): Matthew 3:17, Romans 5:8, Proverbs 18:1, Proverbs 27:17.

The Aligned Man: twelve men, twelve weeks, starting Thursday, November 5. Nobody performs in there, because nobody can. Apply here and Ryan reads every application himself: https://form.jotform.com/262166305407049

If you're ready to stop doing this alone, the Men of Greatness brotherhood is where faith-driven men sharpen each other and close the gap together. It's free to join: https://www.skool.com/men-of-greatness

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You have more friends than most men will ever have, and not one of them is the call you would make at two in the morning.

Take the free GAP Check before you do anything else. It will give you a straight answer on which area of your life is most out of alignment and exactly what has been driving it: https://mogbrotherhood.com/the-gap-check

April 2019. Ryan is on the floor of his office in a full anxiety attack, in the middle of serving the biggest client he had ever landed. Thirteen years a Christian. Helped plant a church. Served as a pastor. In a men's group, a mastermind, and surrounded by good men. Not one of them was the call he made.

That is the episode. Not isolation. Exposure.

Most men do not have a friend problem. They have a rooms problem. The rooms are good, the men in them love Jesus, and every one of those rooms was built for you to report rather than to be seen. A report is a summary of something you already edited. Being seen is a man watching you long enough to notice what you left out.

Ryan walks through the three reasons the room you are already in cannot do this job.

• You control the agenda. You decide what walks in before you walk in, so the room only ever meets the version of you that has finished processing. They hear your conclusions. They never hear your middle, and the middle is where the drift lives.
• They see a snapshot, not a slope. Nobody can call a slope from a single dot. You did not get here in one decision, you got here one distraction and one compromise at a time, and every individual Wednesday morning you looked fine.
• There is no cost to you staying quiet. Nobody follows up. Nobody is there next month to notice you used the exact same words. Until silence costs you something, you will stay silent.

Then the assignment. Pick one man and say one true sentence, something you have never said out loud to another man. Not a testimony. Not the cleaned up version with the lesson already attached. The middle.

Key Takeaways

• The armor was not always armor. It started as discipline and wisdom about what a leader can say. Then it hardened. You cannot be known and be armored up at the same time.
• Two rooms did the work in Ryan's life. One up on the mountain in 2008, where he stood up in front of 150 men and yelled out unforgiveness. One down in the day to day, where a few older men refused to let him stop at a feeling and kept pressing until he wrote his father a letter. That letter turned his dad into one of his closest friends. Most men have neither room.
• If you scroll your contacts and reach the end without finding one man you would say it to, that is not a failure. That is a diagnosis.

And check out the links below to learn more about how we can help you achieve greatness.

Brotherhood is not optional for men doing this kind of work. The community is free to join and it is full of men who are serious about becoming who God created them to be: https://www.skool.com/men-of-greatness

Subscribe for more episodes on brotherhood, the drift, and honest conversation between men.

Don't forget to leave a comment - what can you add to this topic?

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