In this episode, John and Jason talk to Christopher, who found relief from crippling fear and anxiety in a can of Fosters he stole from his dad’s fridge when he was 14. Partying in High School and college kept going until he realized he should maybe stop about 10 years later. Then he kept going for another decade or so before he finally gave up. We talk about how hard it was for all of us to stand up at our first meeting and admit that we have a problem, and how great it felt when we finally did. Chris also shares about the powerful process of making amends and how doing service helps him. We also talk about the mysterious power of meetings and how this organization that “should never be organized” has thrived for over 90 years, even though it’s run democratically by recovering alcoholics.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

Early Life & Pervasive Fear: Chris discusses the origins of a "pervasive sense of fear" that defined his childhood, growing up in a home with constantly fracturing family dynamics, and feeling "psychotic and different" from everyone else.

The Illusion of Control: How achieving professional success (even as a functional alcoholic) fueled the denial and prolonged his active addiction for 13 years, creating a life where he was always trying to outrun his own brain.

The Ultimate Bottom: The series of events—including his fiancée having her bags packed, a health crisis with his father, and being fired from a bartending job—that finally broke through his self-protection.

The Miracle of the Group: The emotional flood of relief and surrender when he finally spoke in a packed meeting, describing the "thunderous" power he felt when the group greeted him.

Surrendering to Service: The non-negotiable importance of immediate action and service work (GSR, District Chair) to stay out of his own head, and the constant battle with his alcoholic brain to keep moving forward.

Facing the Past: The terrifying yet ultimately miraculous freedom of making amends, which included confronting a boss he had stolen from and a friend he had physically harmed.

Memorable Quotes:

“I just kept thinking the further away from my own brain that I got, the better of a person I could be.”

“I smashed up cars, I smashed up friends, I lost girlfriends, I did things, but I always found a way in my warp brain to blame somebody else.”

“If you lose a job as a bartender because you drink too much, you know, you're pretty much unemployable.”

“So we went to that meeting and I was so scared to walk in because I knew no matter what if I went in there, my life could change.”

“And when I stood up and said, my name's Chris, I'm an alcoholic. And a room full of 60 people said, ‘Chris!’ I felt something greater than myself hit me.”

“Boy, has life changed for the better in a way I never could have possibly imagined.”

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

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Missi joins Jason and John to share a story about a frightening childhood experience that reverberated through her life. Her desire to be someone other than herself and a need for validation led to a successful career as an actor and an entertainer. However, there was still a deep-rooted insecurity that drinking helped to quell temporarily. In recovery, she's discovered tools that help her stay sober and really connect with other people, not just her fellow addicts, in a deep and meaningful way that allows her to feel a daily sense of peace, purpose, and joy. We also talk about what the heck "A Higher Power of Your Own Understanding" means and how important that is to recovery. It sounds serious, but this episode is pretty hilarious, so give it a listen. You'll hear a lot of wisdom, and you'll find out how an on-set dildo accident still affects Missi to this day.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed

• Higher Power: How the hypocrisy and casual violence associated with her religious upbringing made belief in God difficult until she was able to create her own conception of the divine.
• Fellowship: The importance of walking the path of sobriety who share the same issue and can understand what you're going through. "In my phone right now I've got hundreds of numbers, and a lot of those numbers, I could call and just say hey, I just need to talk. And how amazing is that?”
• One Day at a Time: The simple trick of not worrying about what years of sobriety look like. Just focus on not drinking today. Can you do that? “That's all you got to do. Just do that today. Call me tomorrow. We'll talk again.”

Memorable Quotes

• "That was how I was raised. Like nothing was ever good enough. We were never good enough."
• "I just was a liar or a cheater. Like, I just, I was unfaithful in every relationship I was ever in. I just was uncomfortable. I didn't know how to be myself. I didn't know what myself was. I didn't have any confidence."
• So alcohol helped me with so many different things. And then before I knew it, I was drinking every night.”
• “I really was a functioning alcoholic. If you could think functioning, which is not really functioning.”
• “I remember him saying, like, ‘I just wish, I just wish that you could Love yourself.’ And I remember just being like, I love myself. Fuck you. I totally. Fuck you, man. I'm fine. You're the one who's got the problem. I didn't ever want to be wrong. I always wanted to be…in control.”
• “Creating a God of my understanding has been pretty awesome. Like what makes sense to me”
• “So it's like I'm just giving over to what I'm supposed to be here for and I have to do it every single day. And if I don't do it, a lot of the old stuff comes in."

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

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This episode was recorded the day after Brad celebrated 24 years of sobriety, and he packs a lot of experience, honesty, wisdom, and humor into his story. Brad tells us about his drug and alcohol abuse and the insanity of addiction. A native New Yorker, Brad attended one of his first 12-step meetings at the Jewish Y on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, which was, ironically, the same place where he had been a camper and camp counselor as a kid. He talks about how cocaine and alcohol initially seemed to help him overcome his social anxiety and insecurity before they started destroying his life. He also explains how, despite being a ‘really good dreamer’, recovery has actually given him a life beyond his wildest dreams.

Key Topics & Themes Discussed:

• The "Special" Addict: Brad’s initial—and ongoing—arrogance in recovery, believing he needed two meetings a week because he "picked up the material quickly."
• Dry vs. Sober: The distinct difference between being "dry" (refraining from substances but still a "nasty motherfucker") for two years versus true sobriety.
• Financial Rock Bottoms: The insane reality of owing the IRS $140,000 in back taxes due to active addiction, and the constant fear of eviction.
• The Brick Wall Metaphor: How active addiction felt like chipping away at his life, brick by brick, until there was only a gaping hole left.
• The Therapist's Blind Spot: The shocking moment his trusted psychologist admitted he never knew Brad had a substance problem, highlighting the depth of Brad's denial and ability to mask his addiction.
• The Journey from Unmanageable to Unbearable: Realizing that his life had been "unmanageable" since childhood, but that he only sought help when it became truly "unbearable."

Memorable Quotes:

• “When I drank my first beer, Brad had fucking arrived. I was a different guy. I could do anything, say anything, think anything.”
• “All I want is to be happy in Hollywood sign size letters.”
• “By the way, ’I got this’ is not a step."
• “We said partying the same way I used to call drinks cocktails, you know, to make it look and seem more elegant than it really was. But every time I went out there, I was abusing my body.”
• I know it's a matter of time before they [the police] break in, so I'm going to hide the cocaine… Five minutes later, I wanted to do cocaine. I forget where. I hid it. And I start ripping my apartment apart. Yeah, I'm a catch.”
• “A guy in a meeting one time says, ‘he was born a happy kid, and then the hospital made him go home with his parents.’”
• “I said after that hangover, which was demoralizing, I would never drink again, which I didn’t…for two weeks”
• "I didn't even think it was an issue, that's how much of an issue it was.”

For more details on recovery resources, please visit RTFB.com

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