I'm recording this one from my bed, surrounded by the dog, the laundry and my daughter's panda, because (as usual) I'm navigating chaos: the floors are being replaced and there's nowhere quiet left in the house. Which, as usual, seems exactly right for exploring Joy First Decision #7: the decision to stop chasing freedom, put down roots... and have kids.

In the last episode I was gleefully drifting around Europe, taking selfies with my Frenchie in front of the Eiffel Tower and in Venice. This is the episode where I start making the opposite sort of choices: ones with roots, responsibilities and very sore nipples.

I'm getting into all of it: why being a kid mom (or a dog mom) never seems to add up on paper, and how the joy stacks up anyway. What it was like to be one of the only women in my world who chose kids (when my friends and peers mostly chose pets instead). The horror and the richness held together, including the birth trauma we're not supposed to mention and the fear I carried my whole life: that motherhood would become my entire personality.

In this episode:

• Why the "should I have kids" maths never adds up (and why that doesn't matter)

• How I guarded against motherhood swallowing me, and how it changed me anyway

• The surprising way motherhood deepened the way basic human decency has radicalized me

• The club I got an instant free pass to that I wasn't expecting

• The one thing that makes it all possible for me to cling to my sanity while navigating through survival mode

If this resonates, follow the show and leave a review (thank you so much 🙏). See you next time for Joy First Decision number eight.

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