We Grow Accustomed to the Dark
My Sister, Her Addiction, and an American Crisis
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We Grow Accustomed to the Dark
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Kate O'Neill
So O’Neill was relieved when Maddie was arrested in 2018. In the months before, she’d often been unhoused and using cocaine and fentanyl. If her sister was in jail, O’Neill believed, at least she was safe. A week later, Maddie was dead.
Grieving not just Maddie’s death but everything she’d endured while she was alive, O’Neill wrote an obituary that addressed Maddie’s addiction. It went viral as people recognized themselves in Maddie’s story, or saw their children, siblings, parents, partners, neighbors. Soon after, O’Neill quit her corporate job and began reporting on addiction, trying to answer the questions that haunted her and her family: Why couldn’t Maddie recover, despite how hard she’d tried? Why did she die? What might have saved her?
We Grow Accustomed to the Dark is O’Neill’s moving, gorgeously written memoir of her quest to answer those questions. She draws on family memories, Maddie’s records, investigative reporting, and conversations with people who shared similar experiences to reconstruct her sister’s life and examine the systems that led to her death.
Blending intimate family narrative with a history of the forces that shape the lives of people who use drugs, O’Neill challenges how we understand addiction and define recovery. She finds hope in approaches that are already saving lives and shares hard-won wisdom about how to help each other survive systems meant to punish instead of protect.
Intimate and unsparing, We Grow Accustomed to the Dark is the story of one family, an account of a national crisis, and a call to replace stigma and punishment with compassion and care.
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