In the 1880s Old American West, after befriending a little girl in a town built for him to rob, a legendary outlaw trains to take on a band of miscreants who don’t buy into his mystique, save the little girl, and for the first time in his life, become a real hero. Ever wonder what Blazing Saddles would look like if Mel Brooks wrote it in 2023? Here you have it.

With Once upon a Time in a Spaghetti Western, Desperado Cowboy Shoot-’Em-Up Moving Picture Cinematic Feature Film: The Novel, you'll be shown humor, romance, action, satire, comedy, hilarity, violence, and, well, this is starting to get a bit repetitive. You get the idea.

In the Old West, to last as an outlaw is an accomplishment, and becoming a legend is rare. Enter one “Hammerin’” Hank “Haywood” Posey. Yes, he has two nicknames. This is a story of Hank’s final burning light as the Old Wild West’s most revered, feared, and respected outlaws ever to live. This is also a story of friendship, love, overcoming odds, and how you write the story to your destiny, your way.

Furthermore, it’s a story about how young girls can have dreams of professions that aren’t designated for them, how those same little girls can be just as dangerous as grown-ass men, how horses can talk, how actions have consequences, what happens to your liver if all you drink is whiskey, and about how prostitutes have souls too. That last one is a real trendsetter for 1885, mind you.

But moreover, it’s a story about how nothing in this life, whether it be today or the late 1800s, can be done alone, despite how talented and strong you may perceive yourself to be. Asking for help is not a weakness. There’s a particular, resounding strength in realizing the power of numbers and support from the people you love and who love you.

And please allow me to be the first to welcome you to the quaint, quiet, dusty little town of Rocky Glenn.