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3am Thoughts

3am Thoughts

著者： Annique Tate
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 From Toilet Panic to 3AM Peace: One Woman's Journey Through IBD, Fertility, and Finding Hope in the Dark


Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down... but it's not the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

It's the raw, unfiltered truth about trying to become a mother at 40+ while battling IBD, premature ovarian failure, and a medical system that wasn't designed for women like me.

This is where I share what really happens when your bowels, your fertility, and your dreams collide.

From panic attacks in public toilets to navigating donor eggs, from being dismissed as "too old" to holding my miracle baby at 3am - this is my story, filter-free.

What you'll hear:

  • Honest conversations about IBD and fertility (including the farting - because fart loud, fart proud!)
  • What fertility clinics don't tell you about reproductive health
  • The emotional reality of premature ovarian failure and donor eggs
  • Medical advocacy and learning to trust yourself over "experts"
  • Hope, tears, and finding peace when everything feels hopeless
  • Guest stories from others on similar journeys


This podcast is for:

  • Women struggling with fertility who feel alone despite being surrounded by support.
  • Anyone navigating chronic illness while trying to conceive.
  • People facing age-related prejudice in their fertility journey.
  • Anyone who needs permission to be messy, angry, hopeful, and real about becoming a parent.


What makes this different:

No filters. No polish. No Instagram-perfect motherhood. Just real stories from the messy middle, the parts nobody talks about but everyone experiences.

This isn't medical advice. I'm not a doctor. I'm just someone who's been through it and wants you to know you're not alone in the dark.

New episodes: Weekly

Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

All rights reserved.
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  • Big Fun, Decisions and a Slap from Reality | Chapter 2

    Big Fun, Decisions and a Slap from Reality | Chapter 2
    2025/10/30
    2017 was supposed to be the fun year. Marco and I were in full honeymoon mode - long weekends away, gigs, restaurants, living it up. My "mild" proctitis diagnosis was firmly in the rearview mirror.Then Marco said something that scared the crap out of me: "I want kids."Just like that. No sugarcoating. No gentle lead-in. And he said it TWICE in our first few months together.Suddenly, I had to make a decision that would change everything - not just whether I wanted children, but whether I was even capable of having them.In this episode: 💣 The moment Marco dropped the baby bombshell 🤔 Confronting the fact that my biological clock had been silent for 38 years 😰 Discovering terms like "geriatric pregnancy" and "advanced maternal age" 🌿 How acupuncture transformed my anxiety (and my shaky hands) 🇮🇹 Meeting Marco's family in Sicily and THE grandchildren question 🎉 Celebrating my 40th at a drum and bass festival in a Roman fort 🧘‍♀️ Getting my body baby-ready with clean living... right before everything went wrongThe twist? Just as we started trying for a baby, my IBD came roaring back - and this time, it brought my menstrual cycle down with it.This chapter covers:Making life-changing decisions you never saw comingWhat nobody tells you about fertility at 38The power of acupuncture for anxiety and healthRomantic Italian declarations gone hilariously wrong ("Sono innamorato di te")When "mild" proctitis decides it's done being mildThe cruel irony of getting healthy just as your body betrays you📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/10/30/chapter-2-big-fun-decisions-and-a-slap-from-reality/ ⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Panic in the Toilet https://3amthoughts.me/2025/08/26/chapter-1-panic-in-the-toilet/⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: In Case of Emergency, the Toilets Are Here, Here and Here - Coming soon 🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction 3amthoughts.me🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace - through IBD, fertility struggles, and ultimately, motherhood.💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:Have you ever had someone drop a life-changing expectation on you early in a relationship?Did you know about age-related fertility challenges before it affected you?What alternative therapies have helped you with chronic illness or anxiety?Have you experienced the irony of getting healthy right before a major health setback?This is a safe, judgment-free space - share your stories in the comments.⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses fertility anxiety, age-related prejudice, relationship pressure, and the return of IBD symptoms. Real talk about the decisions nobody prepares you for.WHAT'S COMING NEXT:Chapter 3: When running became a game of "find the nearest toilet"The moment I threw my knickers in a public bin at 7:30amWhy fertility clinics aren't actually reproductive health expertsThe day my menstrual cycle went into "cardiac arrest"KEY MOMENTS FROM THIS CHAPTER: 💔 "I want kids" - the statement that changed everything 🤯 At 38, I'd never thought about my fertility 💪 Acupuncture proved to be a powerful ally ❤️ My romantic Italian confession... with corrected grammar 👵 Meeting Marco's mum and the inevitable grandchildren question 🎊 Turning 40 with drum and bass in Croatia, not a midlife crisis 🌱 Embracing clean living: no caffeine, minimal alcohol, no processed foods ⚡ The cruel timing: getting baby-ready just as IBD returned with a vengeanceQUOTABLE MOMENTS: 💬 "My biological clock? Silent " 💬 "It was so romantic, like something from the movies... until he corrected my grammar." 💬 "Just as we began trying for our family, my IBD returned with a vengeance." 💬 "What started as an 'irritating pimple' was about to become the main event."#Chapter2 #FertilityDecisions #IBDJourney #MotherhoodAt40 #GeriatricPregnancy #BiologicalClock #FertilityStruggles #RelationshipDecisions #AcupunctureHealing #ChronicIllness #RealTalk #FilterFree #WomensHealth #FertilityOver40 #LifeChangingDecisions #IBDFlareABOUT THIS SERIES: From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No perfect Instagram moments. No AI polish. Just the messy, beautiful, heartbreaking, hopeful truth.Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com📱 CONNECT: https://www.instagram.com/my_3_amthoughts/ COMMUNITY GUIDELINES: This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. Everyone's journey is valid.DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health and fertility journey and is not medical advice. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health and fertility concerns. I have deep respect for the NHS and medical professionals - this is about sharing my lived experience.
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    6 分
  • Chapter 1 - Panic in the Toilet

    Chapter 1 - Panic in the Toilet
    2025/10/30
    Panic in the Toilet | Chapter 1: How It All Started


    January 2017. I was living my best life - fresh out of a marriage, doing a Master's degree, producing theatre shows, and getting my first tattoo (which upset my Dad more than the divorce). Then two things happened that would change everything: I met Marco, and I had an "uh oh" moment in the bathroom.

    This is where my IBD and fertility journey began - though I had no idea what was coming.

    In this episode:

    🚽 The moment I knew something was wrong (and why I called my doctor immediately)

    💕 Meeting Marco on a dating app and our disastrous first attempt at Italian romance

    😳 My biggest fear: accidentally farting in front of my new boyfriend

    🏥 What really happens during a colonoscopy (spoiler: it's not fun)

    🎯 Getting diagnosed with "mild" proctitis... that wouldn't stay mild for long

    The best part? Discovering that Marco finds my farting hilarious. Who knew that would become important later?

    This chapter covers:

    • Why I didn't wait to see blood in the toilet twice before calling my doctor
    • The awkwardness of hiding medical procedures from your new relationship
    • The farting sweet spot (like Goldilocks - not too little, not too much, just right)
    • Why I trusted doctors completely back then (spoiler: that changes)
    • The first diagnosis that seemed like no big deal... but was


    📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: [Blog link] 🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: [Podcast link]

    ⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Big Fun, Decisions and a Slap from Reality

    🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters chronicling my journey through IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and donor eggs to holding my miracle baby at 3AM.

    💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

    • Have you ever dismissed early symptoms because they seemed "mild"?
    • What's your most embarrassing medical procedure story?
    • Did you trust doctors implicitly before your own health journey?


    Share your stories in the comments - this is a judgment-free, supportive space.

    ⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses bowel issues, medical procedures, and bodily functions with humor and honesty. If that's not your thing, this might not be the channel for you - but if you're here for real talk, welcome!

    WHAT'S COMING UP:

    • Chapter 2: The moment Marco dropped the baby bombshell
    • Chapter 3: When "mild" proctitis became anything but mild
    • Chapter 4: The day my period just... stopped


    KEY TAKEAWAYS:

    ✨ Trust your gut (literally) - if something feels wrong, call your doctor

    ✨ Farting is healthy - don't hold it in

    ✨ "Mild" medical diagnoses can be deceptive

    ✨ Having bowel cancer in your family means you don't wait around

    ✨ The right partner will laugh at your farts, not judge them

    Signature phrase watch: First appearance of "Fart loud, fart proud!" 🎉

    #PanicInTheToilet #Chapter1 #IBDJourney #FertilityStruggles #RealTalk #Proctitis #InflammatoryBowelDisease #MedicalJourney #FilterFree #FartLoudFartProud #ChronicIllness #BowelHealth #ColonoscopyStories #WomensHealth #HealthJourney

    ABOUT THIS SERIES:

    This is my unfiltered journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace - chronicling five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and ultimately becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth that nobody tells you.

    Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

    📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com

    📱 CONNECT: https://www.instagram.com/my_3_amthoughts/DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health journey and is not medical advice. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals about your own health concerns. I respect the NHS and medical professionals - this is about sharing my experience, not providing guidance.
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    7 分
  • Introduction

    Introduction
    2025/10/30
    Welcome to My Story: From Toilet Panic to 3AM Peace


    This is the raw, unfiltered truth about my journey to motherhood at 40+ with IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and ultimately, donor eggs.

    What you'll find here:

    ✨ Honest stories about the reality of IBD and fertility (yes, including farting)

    🏥 What doctors don't tell you about fertility clinics vs. reproductive health

    💔 The emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive when your body says no

    🌟 Hope, tears, and finding peace in the darkness

    👶 How I ended up holding my miracle baby at 3am

    This channel is for you if:

    • You're struggling with fertility and feel alone
    • You have IBD or chronic illness affecting your reproductive health
    • You're over 40 and facing "geriatric pregnancy" prejudice
    • You want filter-free, AI-free, real talk about the messy middle of becoming a parent
    • You need hope when everything feels hopeless


    What this ISN'T:

    ❌ Medical advice or a "how-to" manual

    ❌ Perfect, polished Instagram motherhood

    ❌ Another sanitised fertility story

    What this IS:

    ✅ My personal journey, exactly as I lived it

    ✅ A space for support and shared experiences

    ✅ Permission to fart loud and fart proud (you'll understand soon)

    ✅ Comfort for anyone standing alone in the dark
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    5 分
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