『65. The Grief of Parenting: Learning to Love the Kids You Have, Not the Ones You Expected』のカバーアート

65. The Grief of Parenting: Learning to Love the Kids You Have, Not the Ones You Expected

65. The Grief of Parenting: Learning to Love the Kids You Have, Not the Ones You Expected

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 Ever wondered why your teenager meticulously plans their gaming strategy for hours but melts down when asked to pack their backpack the night before school?What if I told you the disconnect isn’t about defiance or laziness—but about a fundamental mismatch between your expectations and their actual neurological wiring, and there’s a powerful framework for bridging this gap without sacrificing your values?I recently spoke with Abigail Wald, a parenting mentor to thousands of families including therapists, pediatricians, and celebrities. With two teenage boys of her own and over 1.5 million podcast downloads, Abigail specializes in helping parents navigate what she calls “the schism”—that painful space between what we think parenting should look like and what it actually is.If you’ve ever found yourself raging at the gap between your Pinterest-worthy parenting aspirations and your actual Tuesday morning chaos, or wondered why one child feels like ease while another feels like sandpaper against your soul, this conversation offers a radical reframe grounded in acceptance without giving up on growth.Abigail’s approach centers on three interconnected principles: recognizing where your expectations actually come from (your past, your in-laws, or Instagram?), determining which expectations align with your genuine family values versus imposed “shoulds,” and understanding that children don’t act their age—they act their abilities.In this transformative conversation, Abigail shares specific strategies you can implement starting today.You’ll discover:* How to distinguish between consequences that teach and punishments that simply discharge your frustration, including why your ADHD child might need to metaphorically (or literally) skin their knee to understand why you’ve been warning them about going too fast around corners* The “magazine versus your people” principle and why choosing the magazine over your actual family creates a schism that moves you further from happiness—plus how loving your people accurately for who they are paradoxically brings you closer to the life you actually want* Why some parent-child combinations feel like fire meeting gasoline while others flow like water, and how the child who challenges you most might be your greatest teacher in expanding your capacity for genuine love (hint: pearls form from irritating grains of sand)* The critical difference between helicopter-enabling and supportive scaffolding, including when to let your child forget their lunch and experience hunger as their teacher rather than you constantly being their reminder system* How strong-willed, gifted, and highly sensitive children especially need experiential learning to develop internal boundaries—and why controlling them too tightly produces teenagers who’ve mastered flouting external rules but have zero internal compassAbigail vulnerably shares her own moments of “this isn’t what I signed up for” rage, comparing parenting to an arranged marriage where you pledge your life to someone you’ve never met, with no idea of their temperament, needs, or challenges.She reveals how grief and feelings of betrayal are normal responses to this vulnerability, but shows how to transform that grief into what she calls “capital L Love”—choosing leadership over behavior-chasing.Most importantly, she challenges us to examine whether we’re approaching self-improvement (and child-improvement) from a place of “I’m broken and need fixing” versus “I’m whole and excited to grow.” The distinction changes everything about how we approach those morning battles and evening meltdowns.Ready to stop fighting upstream against your family’s actual temperament and start leading from a place of genuine acceptance and strategic growth?This conversation will give you permission to love the people in your house instead of the ones in the magazine—and show you why that’s where the real magic happens.To learn more about Abigail Wald:https://abigailwald.com/Connect with Dajana YoakleyDelight in ParentingStep #1 — Get the 3 Steps to Reset Your Nervous System FREE Guide or book a FREE 20 minute consult.https://www.delightinparenting.comhttps://www.delightinparenting.com/book-onlineStep #2 — Learn More about my signature online course: “Raising a Resilient Child”. https://www.delightinparenting.com/courseStep #3 — Connect With The Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/delightinparentingfreeStep #4- Follow me on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/delightinparenting/https://www.facebook.com/delightinparentingcoaching/https://www.youtube.com/@DelightinParentinghttps://www.linkedin.com/in/delightinparenting/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit delightinparenting.substack.com/subscribe
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