Send us a text

Amy returns to United States of PTSD to complete her powerful story of surviving clergy sexual abuse and the long, winding path to healing through religious deconstruction.

Following her abuse at age 15, Amy faced institutional gaslighting from the Catholic Church. Officials questioned what she "did to seduce" the priest and sent her parents a deliberately vague letter with double negatives that absolved them of responsibility. When they finally agreed to pay for therapy, they insisted on church-approved therapists—a dangerous conflict of interest that led to confidentiality breaches and further trauma.

The psychological damage of religious trauma compounded Amy's suffering for years. Growing up in purity culture, where virginity determined a woman's worth but consent was never discussed, left her feeling irreparably damaged after the assault. "If you're not a virgin when you get married, you're worthless," she explains. This toxic message, combined with being labeled as "trouble" by church authorities, fueled years of self-destruction and self-hatred.

Amy's deconstruction began slowly with questioning the institution rather than God. Watching "Spotlight," the film about clergy abuse in Boston, proved pivotal when she unexpectedly saw her abuser's name on screen. This public validation helped her redirect internalized shame toward its rightful target—the church that enabled her abuse. Years later, a confrontation with Cardinal Sean O'Malley, who showed no emotion as she sobbed about her trauma, cemented her disillusionment.

For those navigating similar journeys, Amy offers compassionate guidance: connect with others who've deconstructed, recognize the parallels between religious control tactics and cult behaviors, and honor your own timeline. "A big part of it is regaining your autonomy," she emphasizes, "allowing yourself to ask questions but also to take it as slow as you need to."

Have you experienced religious trauma or questioning your faith? We'd love to hear your story. Reach out to share your journey or find resources for healing.

Spotlight (2015) - IMDb

The Keepers Documentary: What Happened in Cathy Cesnik Murder Case? - Netflix Tudum (we do not support Netflix)

BITE Model of Authoritarian Control - Freedom of Mind Resource Center

Leaving the Fold – A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and Others Leaving their Religion – Journey Free

(188) Cults to Consciousness - YouTube

Home - BishopAccountability.org

Dying in ‘Hell’: The fate of Palestinian medics jailed by Israel | Israel-Palestine conflict News | Al Jazeera

Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!):
https://uppbeat.io/t/hartzmann/no-time-to-die
License code: S4CEQWLNQXVZUMU4

Artwork and logo design by Misty Rae.


Special thanks to Joanna Roux for editing help.
Special thanks to the listeners and all the wonderful people who helped listen to and provide feedback on the episode's prerelease.


Please feel free to email Matt topics or suggestions, questions or feedback.
Matt@unitedstatesofPTSD.com