November 2023 — Month Four. The month I asked myself: Where do I fit?

The house was falling apart, and so was my marriage. Repairs piled up, but instead of my husband showing up, it was his brother stepping in. Symbolic? Absolutely. Everything was crumbling — the home we built, the family we created, the life I thought I knew.

This month brought the first fights about money, watching him spend on someone else while I carried the weight of bills, sports, and the kids. I felt anger, betrayal, and disappointment — but I also found a strange clarity. I began to detach. I wasn’t fully free yet, but I was starting to take steps toward protecting myself.

Through it all, my boys gave me strength. Ryan’s last basketball season, Derek’s battles on the wrestling mat, Carson finding escape in time with friends — they reminded me why I couldn’t give up. And then November 17th came, the one-year mark of losing my dad. I reached out to my husband, hoping for comfort, but got only three words: “Yes, I know. Sorry.” Another layer of grief on top of the rest.

But even in the middle of all this, I survived. I kept moving. And that survival became something I could be proud of.

If you’re in your own “month four” right now, I want you to know — you’ll be okay too. The light breaking through the darkness? It only grows brighter.