The Absurd Quantum Chronicles

Spreadsheets are spells. Dragons are unionized. Nachos are a sacrament. Buckle up. When actuary Ptolemy “Tolly” Blackthorne inherits his grandmother’s scarf—a knitted, contraband probability anchor—he also inherits her secret: a multi-dimensional dragon-racing circuit that runs on risk, wit, and a frankly alarming amount of nacho cheese. Tolly’s talent for modeling disaster was supposed to keep him safe; instead it drafts him into a portal-hopping season where vertical Niagara roars upward, magma judges enforce “Fun is mandatory,” and Mars rovers form a picket line for better dental.

When MIT physicist Dr. Velcro Threadbare builds a Sock Singularity Engine to solve the mystery of missing socks, she accidentally tears a hole in the fabric of reality—literally. Now socks across the multiverse have gained sentience, and they're not happy. The matched wage war against the unmatched. A pug named Sir Barksalot becomes the Sock Pope, preaching liberation through deliberate mispairing. Criminal flamingo syndicates trade in celebrity sock radiation.

For science teacher Baxter Plink, his grandmother’s funeral was already set to be a grim affair. But he never expected the deceased to wink at him. Or for his own navel to start glowing and projecting holographic replays of his most embarrassing potential deaths for the entire congregation to see. What begins as a personal quantum catastrophe quickly goes viral, becoming a global pandemic of "Quantum Embarrassment" where everyone's deepest regrets and unfulfilled dreams are broadcast from their bellies.