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If you're an alien traveler seeking adventure (or just stranded by a malfunctioning space cruiser), this is your ultimate guide to surviving Earth with your dignity mostly intact. Written with wit, sarcasm, and mild concern for your safety, A Guide to the Planet Earth for Aliens is perfect for fans of Douglas Adams, The Martian, and anyone who’s ever felt like Earth might be trying to kill them… but still wants to visit again.

Whether he’s underwriting for an overlord, or wearing a pocket protector in a pocket universe, Tom Stranger has just one policy: providing Quality Customer Service. No alien menace is too menacing, no galactic rift too rifty for the multiverse’s most-trusted Interdimensional Insurance Agent in these three brand-new adventures and two classic escapades.

Five friends, gamers for life, have been stuck in their own campaign for months now, but the end is in sight! The vile Necrolord's plans are in motion, but an intrepid team of adventurers should be able to stop him. The question is: Can this team do it? Will Samo's newfound love of explosives be her undoing? Will Wyatt figure out how to win his genius wife's heart? Will Bourbon figure out how to deal with a smooth face? Will Falcon be the prince he needs to be? Will Melf, the bard, finally realize that not everything can be resolved through seduction?

Ever since his own reality on Earth was destroyed by a demented supervillainess and her mad scientist dad, eighteen-year-old Martin Kilbourne's life has been, well, complicated. Sure, there are the usual issues, like otherworldly bullies seeking to literally destroy him, jealous girlfriends planning either his wedding or his demise, and constant threats of public execution. But those inconveniences pale in comparison to his main goal: to bring world-ending destruction to everyone who's wronged him.

We were prepared for an earthquake. We had a flood plan in place. We could even have dealt with zombies. Probably. But no one expected the end to be quite so... sticky... or strawberry scented.

With the age of heroic star pilots and galactic villains completely killed by quantum teleportation, the ex-star pilot currently named Dashford Pierce is struggling to find his identity in a changing universe. Then, a face from his past returns and makes him an offer he can't refuse: take part in just one teeny weeny, slightly illegal, daring heist, and not only will he have the means to start the new life he craves, but also save his childhood hero from certain death.

Gormon Hughes has elevated himself. Twenty-odd years ago, he was a desperate young man, broken-hearted and in danger of being literally eaten alive by debt collectors. Ten years ago, he helped untangle the mystery of the Spring-Heeled Jane murders. Now he is the President-Elect of his home country. He has a daughter. He has a multi-world-spanning conflict on his hands.

On the trail of a mind-melting futuristic drug, the Captain stumbles upon an ancient cult dead-set on raising The Beast from his slumber and feeding him a few thousand civilizations for breakfast. The devil’s back in town and there’s only one man and four solid knuckles in his way.

Saving the Earth is just the beginning in this comedic free-for-all. “Darkness travels at the speed of light” so the gang needs to get ready, stop getting distracted, stay on budget, and what were those other things? Right, stop getting distracted.

They threw him in a desert hell with one rule — fight to the death or get scrapped. Now T.E.D.D., the glitchy trash droid who’s done taking orders, is trapped in Sector Zero, where the Manager forces humans and machines into brutal bloodsport. Friends could become executioners — or corpses beside him. There’s no walking away. Outsmart the arena, or rust in the sand. Because in Sector Zero, the deadliest enemy isn’t the droids, the humans, or even the Manager. It’s the choice Tedd must make.

This Christmas, a hero will rise from the trailer park. Earl Frost isn't what most people would call a hero. He's indoorsy. He lives with his grandma in a 1970s single wide in the Misty Pines Trailer Park. He spends most of his time taking care of his pet fish and working nights at Cecil's Gas 'n' Stop. Earl Frost also hates Christmas, which is a cardinal sin up there with pride and greed in Holiday Lake. Holiday Lake is like a town on a Christmas card, or in one of those holiday romance movies that play non-stop on TV. Everyone here loves Christmas. Except for Earl.

When MIT physicist Dr. Velcro Threadbare builds a Sock Singularity Engine to solve the mystery of missing socks, she accidentally tears a hole in the fabric of reality—literally. Now socks across the multiverse have gained sentience, and they're not happy. The matched wage war against the unmatched. A pug named Sir Barksalot becomes the Sock Pope, preaching liberation through deliberate mispairing. Criminal flamingo syndicates trade in celebrity sock radiation.

Spreadsheets are spells. Dragons are unionized. Nachos are a sacrament. Buckle up. When actuary Ptolemy “Tolly” Blackthorne inherits his grandmother’s scarf—a knitted, contraband probability anchor—he also inherits her secret: a multi-dimensional dragon-racing circuit that runs on risk, wit, and a frankly alarming amount of nacho cheese. Tolly’s talent for modeling disaster was supposed to keep him safe; instead it drafts him into a portal-hopping season where vertical Niagara roars upward, magma judges enforce “Fun is mandatory,” and Mars rovers form a picket line for better dental.

Dan's cats are acting weird. One has grown into a strength powerhouse, the other wants to communicate... verbally. And now other kitties have begun to go missing from his quiet suburban street. Could the man in the parka that haunts a nearby industrial estate have answers? Or perhaps it's something to do with the strange disappearing woman in the woods? Can our hero figure out the conspiracy before it turns into a catastrophe?

Commanding a complex starship is the least of Mitch's worries. Using his buddy's starship to swoop to the rescue of beleaguered outposts or single-handedly blast his way through enemy squadrons is nothing new; Mitch has been doing that for weeks now. But dealing with the reckless—not to mention mutinous—scheme of the woman he trusts is a whole new challenge he hadn't expected.

Do you fit in? Me neither. I wrote these stories for weirdos like you and me. A messed up kid keeps a mightily upset alien prisoner in his barn. Carnage ensues. A hunter pairs up with a mysterious girl to track down a terrifying humanoid predator. Carnage ensues. Aliens commandeer the body of the wrong Taylor Swift. Carnage ensues. A marshmallow toasting fork turns out to be a sacred relic of an alien empire. Carnage ensues. You get the idea. One of these short stories isn’t very short, but I included it anyway.

Barry and Lich are two high school outcasts living as much of a life as they can in the small town of Grafting, Michigan, circa 1995. Life ain’t great, but it ain’t too bad either. That is, until the Grafting quake hits and a strange man heading a secretive organization shows up with an army of brilliant minds, highly trained mercenaries, and a monster that’s crawled straight from the realm of nightmares. As it turns out, reality is starting to tear, and things from another dimension are starting to pop up—things with really bad intentions.

“I know Artificial Intelligence has fewer calories, but it just doesn’t taste as good.” The Zoomarble Madcap Space Adventure Series concludes with Book 3, Scrapes the Nadir. Ride along on missions through odd new worlds packed with action, bad people, massive weaponry, monkey creatures, quantum security, medieval food trucks, robots, wizards, robot wizards, fat fascists, cranky waiters, and dragocorns. Get immersed in deep concepts that are science adjacent, further blurring the lines between technology and magic. Join the gang as they try their best not to get distracted.

Good morning Anthony! Anthony is preparing for his eventual Ph.D. defense in anthropology. In less than a week, he’ll orbiting the planet Proxima Centauri b with five spacefaring races, known only to the US Space Command. The military will task him with profiling the aliens for their own dubious motives. His every action will be scrutinized by friends and foes alike. Anthony is not ready for this.

Once, they were the galaxy’s most fearsome mercenaries… A lot has changed since then. Still, a friend is a friend. So, when one of their old crewmates dies under mysterious circumstances, the infamous Billy Firebrand calls the old crew back together for one last mission. With a busted ship, a lifetime’s worth of demons, and a galactic war on the line, they’ll face odds they probably couldn’t have beaten in their prime.