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Following his two New York Times best sellers, Brain Droppings and Napalm & Silly Putty, comes George Carlin's third audiobook, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a riotous journey through the mind of one of America's premiere comic observers.

After Hank Morgan of Hartford, Connecticut, takes a blow to the head, he inexplicably awakens in sixth-century Camelot. At first lost and confused, the time traveler soon realizes that he can use modern knowledge and his ability to foretell the future to his advantage. Consequently, he is granted a place in the king’s court as Arthur’s right-hand man. When the Catholic Church grows fearful of his power, the Connecticut Yankee aims higher and concocts a grandiose plan to bring American ideals to sixth-century England to change the future.

For decades Hazie Coogan has tended to the outsized needs of Katherine “Miss Kathie” Kenton, veteran of multiple marriages, career comebacks, and cosmetic surgeries. But danger arrives with gentleman caller Webster Carlton Westward III, who worms his way into Miss Kathie’s heart - and boudoir. Soon, Hazie discovers that this bounder has already written a celebrity memoir foretelling Miss Kathie’s death in an upcoming musical extravaganza. As the body count mounts, Hazie must execute a plan to save Katherine Kenton for her fans and for posterity.

After a botched Halloween ritual, Madison Spencer, the snarkiest dead girl in the universe, finds herself trapped in Purgatory, otherwise known as Earth. The upside: She is no longer subject to physical limitations (she can pass through doors and walls). The downside: Well, she’s still dead.

“Begins here first account of operative me, agent number 67 on arrival Midwestern American airport greater _____ area. Flight _____. Date _____. Priority mission top success to complete. Code name: Operation Havoc.” Thus speaks Pygmy, one of a handful of young adults from a totalitarian state sent to the United States, disguised as exchange students, to live with typical American families and blend in, all the while planning an unspecified act of massive terrorism.

The daughter of a narcissistic film star and a billionaire, Madison is abandoned at her Swiss boarding school over Christmas, while her parents are off touting their new projects and adopting more orphans. She dies over the holiday of a mari­juana overdose - and the next thing she knows, she’s in Hell.

Palahniuk’s fashion-model protagonist has it all - boyfriend, career, loyal best friend - until an accident destroys her face, her ability to speak, and her self-esteem. Enter Brandy Alexander, Queen Supreme, one operation away from becoming a bona fide woman.

You know those subtle tricks your coworkers are all guilty of? The constant nodding, pretend concentration, useless rhetorical questions? These tricks make them seem like they know what they're doing when in fact they have no clue. This behavior is so ingrained, so subtle, and so often mistaken for true intelligence that identifying it, calling it out, or compiling it into an exhaustive digest has never been attempted. Until now.

Vainqueur Knightsbane is your average dragon: A giant, fire-breathing lizard who loves to take naps on his golden hoard, kidnap princesses for fun, and make the life of adventurers miserable. Vainqueur's only pleasure in life is to watch his treasure get bigger, one coin at a time. So when a would-be thief turned unwilling minion tells him about "classes", "levels", and "quests", Vainqueur wonders if maybe, just maybe, he should consider a career change. After all, why bother hunting monsters for free when you can get paid for it?

Adolf Hitler: Mit Charme, Scheitel und Youtube. Er ist wieder da: Adolf Hitler höchstpersönlich. Der Führer ist im globalisierten Deutschland des 21. Jahrhunderts auferstanden und versucht 2011 erneut, die Weltherrschaft an sich zu reißen. Aber wie erobert ein seit 70 Jahren verstorbener Diktator aus Berlin die Welt zurück? Klar, als Medienstar. Der Führer, der vergeblich seinen Bunker, seine Armee und eine Erklärung sucht, startet eine beachtliche Karriere als Adolf-Hitler-Imitator.

Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.

He didn’t respond. So they wrote scripture. In a galaxy obsessed with meaning, Null—an unassuming logistics AI—accidentally becomes the most revered figure in the known universe. Not because it spoke. Not because it acted. But precisely because it didn’t. When Null fails to acknowledge a routine signal, entire planets interpret it as divine silence. When it reroutes a package without explanation, fan theories erupt. When it quietly tries to disappear, congregations begin offering burnt toast in its name.

Ample sighed. “The last few weeks have been incredible. What with the holidays, Clarence and Elswyth’s wedding, and the… engagement of our daughter to the—oaf. That reminds me, Public, whether in the spirit of Christmas or a Christian one, I am pleading with you to give a present to Houston and his bride, Stephanie. Do you realize she has already given birth to their baby? I even got to hold him after he was born. It made me wish things had been different where we would have had more children.” “So, it is a baby boy?” “Yes, and he looks just like Houston.

Fun experiences that seem absurd. Adventures at work and at play. Making more of everyday.

A satirical adventure novel, The Flying Inn is set in a quirky, dystopian England in which a new puritanical government has outlawed alcohol and other traditional English customs. Enter Humphrey Pump and his spirited friend Captain Patrick Dalroy, who take it upon themselves to supply what the government refuses.

In einer Welt der Untergangsszenarien stellt Sieber klar: Die Hoffnung stirbt zuletzt. Am Ende siegt der Humor. Aufgeben ist keine Option. Die Welt ist voller Katastrophenmeldungen und da ist es richtig und wichtig, dass einer gegen den Irrsinn anspielt.

Everyone - even Augustus the cat - has cause to be obliged to Jeeves when he manages to retrieve the infamous Book - the book which lays bare the private lives of three-quarters of the upper classes. And which could prove to be political dynamite at the Market Snodsbury by-election.

Marcel Slouch continues his adventures in finding and keeping a job. His interpersonal relationships are enriched.

Casimir is a maverick in a city undergoing considerable reconstruction. Living conditions are increasingly benign. And now there is a proposal to build a large dome enclosing the city. Casimir doesn’t like this idea, so off he goes to the Procrustes Institute to have a reset of his thoughts. Decades later, this benevolent dome has been built. It’s worked out beautifully. Everyone is prosperous and happy. Days consist of endless leisure. And then a slab from the roof of the dome dislodges …

In the backwoods town of Possum Trot, trouble’s brewin’—and only one man has the duct tape, moonshine, and guts to fix it. Meet Hill-Jack Bob: mechanic by day, redneck vigilante by night. When a shady corporation threatens to take over his town with mind-control soda and political corruption, Bob and his oddball sidekick, Possum Boy, rise up in camouflage, homemade gadgets, and a superhero vehicle built from junkyard scraps.