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They call him the Anaconda, and I'm pretty sure it isn't because he likes snakes. Nick Jenson is my neighbor. My hot, oh-so-sexy, very-well-equipped neighbor that I'd spend hours watching from the safety of my bedroom window. I saw lots of things I probably shouldn't have. Sometimes I'd touch myself, imagining it were his hands roaming over my body instead of my own. I had just one mission - to find out if the rumors were true.

Fifteen years after losing most of his family to a devastating, pudding-related tragedy, Simon Debovar has settled into a life of self-imposed exile from the stinking, selfish morass of humanity. Content that his daily highlights will include hazelnut coffee, a long bath, and the occasional jar of olives, his life is completely upturned by the discovery that his ornate living room carpet is the deciding factor in a bet between God and Satan.

Saki has always followed the Blossom girls' house rules: Thou shalt prank the Dudes, thy beautiful fraternity neighbors, all day, every day; thou shalt not lose thy heart to them: no fraternizing with the arch-frat-enemy. Easy enough, right? Minor complication one: Saki gets warm all over whenever she sees Picasso, the dark-haired, hyper-sensual painting student with bright grey eyes, over there in the Dude den. Minor complications two through five: Picasso is head-over-heels for Saki, has an obsessive personality, and craves working her up. He brushes up against her.

Daniel O'Dwyer, ex-hospital pharmacist, accidental detective is back. Content to be unemployed and spend his days in the sun and sand of his Oak Island paradise, Daniel is once again drawn back to the local hospital and the mysteries that surround it. Construction on the hospital grounds unearths human remains, which are quickly dismissed as being part of a Native American burial ground. A young, clumsy medical resident who runs into Daniel, thinks otherwise. Meanwhile, Daniel's socially imbalanced sidekick, Willie, has a problem of his own.

After the death of his fiancee due to medical errors, hospital pharmacist Daniel O'Dwyer escapes to Oak Island, North Carolina. The only things on his mind are fresh sea air, fresh seafood, Fat Tire Amber Ale, and the avoidance of any type of healthcare institution. But fate and jellyfish draw him back, and reluctantly, he agrees to go undercover to combat narcotic drug diversion at nearby Boiling Grove Community Hospital.

They call me Big Pickle. It's not what you think. (Although that's true, too.) I happen to be the oldest Pickle in the family deli business. And we have the best salami. Take that one however you like. But when my father announces the franchise will go to the most profitable of the three brothers, I learn that even though I'm the eldest Pickle, I'm dead last. I hightail it to Texas to see what's happened to my restaurant, only to find a sassy little spitfire named Nova Strong in charge. She's amazing. She's sexy. She runs our deli like she owns it.

A lost literary gem of Hollywood in the 1930s, I Lost My Girlish Laughter is a thinly veiled send-up of the actors, producers, writers, and directors of the Golden Age of the studio system.

A sexy rockstar walking into your hotel room sounds like a dream come true. When you're in the middle of some serious self-pleasure like I was, it's a freaking nightmare. It gets worse. What I thought was my room...was actually his. I'd just given last year's hottest new talent a performance worthy of my own Grammy. Now everyone is talking about the girl who got her rocks off in Brix Wilson's hotel room. Nobody knows I'm that girl and it's going to stay that way. It's not like I'm going to run into him again, right? Wrong.

Ninni lives for pranking the crap out of K-Pop. She'd do it with him 24/7 - sorry: Do it to him. As in prank him. Yep, their thing has everything to do with pranks. Nothing to do with an insanity-in-a-bucket attraction. It's not like he's drop-dead gorgeous and has infinite charisma or anything. His brain isn't Donald Duck, Einstein, and Shakespeare in one mischievous swirl either.

Comic book artist Mike Mason arrives at San Diego Comic-Con seeking sanctuary with other fans and creators - and maybe to reunite with his ex - but when his rival is found murdered, he becomes the prime suspect. To clear his name, Mike will have to navigate every corner of the con, from zombie obstacle courses and cosplay flash mobs to intrusive fans and obsessive collectors, in the process unraveling a dark secret behind one of the industry's most legendary creators.

Jim and Kram are back in their second hilarious romp around their secluded Southeast Alaskan island. With a serial killer at large (a cereal serial killer, to be more accurate), an unlucky entrepreneur with an out-of-control facial tic, and the nephew of a notorious crime boss setting up shop on the island, Lieutenant Jim Wekle will have his work cut out for him.

Vodka should come with a warning: mixing with karaoke will make you do stupid shit, like sing that song you wrote when you were 14 about the boy who broke your heart. At least he didn't see it. Oh wait. He did. I should've just stayed home. The only reason I came was to stop Lily from doing something stupid, like crash her ex-boyfriend's wedding. When I open my hotel room door to find Adam standing there, that sexy smirk tells me he's hasn't changed. He's still the same arrogant asshole who made my childhood hell.

Walking into Jake's bachelor party to see my professor motorboating a stripper was awkward. It wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't completely hot for the guy. I had been since I first walked into that feline anatomy class and saw him performing chest compressions on a Persian cat named Andrew. So, as I sat in that strip club and knocked back my third tequila, I started thinking...I should make a move on him. When our eyes locked over the busty, blonde stripper who was gyrating against me and he smiled, it was all the encouragement I needed. I have no idea what happened next.

Nine months ago, Zeus' murder catapulted the Greek gods back into public life. Now, the whole pantheon revels in new temples, casinos, and media empires - except Apollo. An overachiever with a bursting portfolio of godly duties, the amount of email alone he receives from rapacious mortals turns each day into a living hell. Yet there may be hope, if only he can return Zeus to life! With the aid of Thalia, the muse of comedy and science fiction, Apollo will risk his very godhood to help TV producer Tracy Wallace and a gamer geek named Leif, who hold the key to Zeus' resurrection.

Bianca: Pretty things distract me. But in my line of work, a distraction will get you caught - or in my case, blackmailed. But Connor Hayes isn't just furious with me. He's charming. And itching for payback. He doesn't just want my money, though. My hate. My beauty. My body. He requires it all as repayment. Right down to my empty soul. Hayes: Two wrongs don't make a right. Except when they are five-foot-seven and hotter than my exhaust pipe. So, I blackmailed her. It was either that or turn her in. I figured if anyone was going to put her in handcuffs, it was going to be me.

The first time I saw Major Cade Jameson, his pants were around his ankles...Every line of hard-earned muscle beckoned me to "squeeze here." But I'm getting ahead myself. To tell this story right, I'll have to start with the present, not the past. I owe Cade a debt. A life for a life. My name is Brecklyn Brannon, and I'm not who I claim to be.

A great foreword is more than just a few pages of self-indulgent frippery that comes before a book. A great foreword adds zest. It sets the stage for the page-turner you're about to open and perhaps even puts you in the locked room where a mystery happens or in the high-button shoes of a year gone by. A great foreword - sometimes - is even better than the book it precedes. So why not skip the boring actual-book part? Moving Foreword is a collection of introductions to imaginary books, written by real celebrities, comedians, musicians, and other writers with something to say.

Life was going well for 25-year-old repo agent Andrea Sloan. She hadn't stumbled across any more naked dead guys at work, and her love life was pretty much wonderful. When she picked up a part-time job working at the mall for some extra cash as an elf, she never imagined she'd witness Santa gunned down in the parking lot. Just like that, Andi became tangled with friends and foes from her past in a race to find Santa's stolen bag of cash before Christmas.

Twenty-five-year-old rookie Repo Agent, Andrea Sloan, doesn't like accepting help from anyone - especially not arrogant musicians who are too charming for their own good. Even though she swore off men years ago, Andi finds herself drawn to handsome rockstar, Cooper Barnett, as he continually pops up in her life when she least expects it. Their budding relationship becomes even more complicated when Cooper talks Andi into letting him ride-along on one of her repos, and they come across a very naked, very dead body.

The title behind the new ABC TV Show Suburgatory excoriates - through satirical local news "stories" - the mostly upper-middle-class American pieties and parenting obsessions that surround raising the perfect child amid the anxiety of an America in decline.