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Many years ago in Japan, a student came to a master swordsman and said, “If I become your devoted student, how long will it take for me to master the sword?”

The master replied, “Perhaps ten years.”

“That’s a long time,” said the student.

“If I try really hard, how long would it take me?”

The master replied, “Oh, maybe twenty years.”

The student was shocked. “First you said ten, now you say twenty years. What if I try as hard as I can?”

When we say to someone, “Don’t think of a monkey,” the image that comes to mind is a monkey. That’s because the word “monkey” refers to something we can perceive, but the word “don’t” is purely conceptual. On the golf course, when we say to ourselves, “Don’t hit it into the lake,” the image that appears in our mind is our golf ball flying toward and splashing into the lake. Golfers tend to have a negative attitude about themselves after hitting the ball in the place they hoped to avoid.

Less than one percent of all golfers have completed a round of golf on par or better. That makes it a rather unrealistic target score for all but the most skilled among us. Measuring yourself against the par on the scorecard is a setup for failure for the average golfer. Another problem with par is that it is printed on scorecards and signs. When it was first used, the number set as “par for the course” varied according to the difficulty of the course conditions under which a competition was played.

In golf, if we keep thinking about a mistake we made on a previous hole, or project how our score will turn out at the end of the round, it’s as if we’re daydreaming. We spend much of the time “asleep” to the present moment, preoccupied with thoughts about the past and future. Lacking awareness of the task at hand leads to poor decision making before the shot and distraction while we’re swinging.

In the martial arts and similar mind­-body traditions of the East, the body’s “center of gravity” is the source from which all movement and energy flow. It is located a few inches below the navel, in the center of the torso. Awareness of this center of gravity is extremely helpful in golf.

The mental skills necessary to play your best golf need to be learned and groomed, just as good swing techniques do. The tendency to “focus on the negative” needs to be replaced with the habit of accentuating the positive. A conversation with a touring professional provides a good illustration of this point. After the first round of a tournament, I asked Andy how the day went.

Once a Zen master was listening to a student complain about his uncontrollable temper. The student said, “I’m a very angry person. Please help me to change.”

“Sounds like a big problem. Let’s see this terrible anger of yours,” the master demanded of the student.

There are reactions to good and bad shots that are common to most golfers. If we hit a drive down the middle of the fairway, we might bend down and pick up our tee before the shot has even landed. If we hit a poor shot, we follow it to the finish and get upset. Here’s a post-shot routine that reverses those responses. When you hit a shot that comes out just the way you pictured it, get some emotion going.

Let’s start with an exercise. Take your golf stance and close your eyes. For a few seconds, think of a situation that you’re afraid of or that causes you anxiety when you anticipate dealing with it. Now check on your breathing—is it deep and relaxed? Chances are it isn’t. Most people respond that they were barely breathing at all.

One of the most fundamental principles of the Buddhist and Shambhala traditions is that the true nature of human beings is basic goodness. Acknowledging our own basic goodness means taking the attitude that there is something fundamentally, essentially right with us. How we feel about ourselves as a person doesn’t need to depend on the quality of a particular golf shot or the outcome of a round.

Do you talk to yourself on the golf course? Out loud, silently, or a bit of both? Most of us engage in some form of self-talk. We don’t usually pay much attention to the quality of what we’re saying, but perhaps we should. The way people talk about something to themselves is a reflection of how they feel about it. If we say, “I don’t have much of a chance on this shot,” we’re not likely to do well. On the other hand, if we say, “I can see what I need to do and how to do it,” we are more likely to succeed.

I’d like to suggest a new definition for “making a putt.” To most golfers, whether or not they make a putt is defined by whether or not it goes in the hole. This emphasizes the result of the putt more than it does the process of putting, and that interferes with the stroke. When we can be totally involved in the process and not preoccupied with the result, body and mind are synchronized. Therefore, we should have a definition of making a putt that reflects the process of putting more than the result of the putt.

Brian had entered the Qualifying School for the PGA Tour for twelve years, but had fallen short every time. The Q-School is actually a series of tournaments, culminating in the finals, a grueling six-round tournament. It is the ultimate pressure cooker, as each golfer’s career for the next year is on the line. I met Brian two months before the Q-School finals. He told me about his career in golf, his hopes and fears, his strengths and weaknesses.

We’re so hard on ourselves. We tie our self-worth to the results of our actions, to how well we hit a golf shot or what score we make on a hole. When things go badly, we start to doubt our basic goodness as human beings. We start to say things like “What’s wrong with me?” We usually can’t accept making a mistake, despite the fact that we know everybody makes them.

To deal with last­-minute thoughts, those internal conversations about the shot right before you swing, I suggest an approach taken from body surfing. If you want to swim out where the wave starts so you can ride it in, you have to get past the breakers. Fighting through these breakers takes a lot of strength and energy, and more often than not the waves knock you back.

Once a man wanted to get to a particular island just outside the harbor. He went to the dock and found that two boats moored next to each other were both leaving for the island at the same time, but taking different routes. Not being sure which would be better, he stood with one foot in each boat trying to decide. He still hadn’t made up his mind as the boats pulled away from the dock, and still couldn’t decide when the boats started to go their separate ways.

My teacher, Ösel Tendzin, had a favorite response when his meditation students would ask how to control their thoughts and emotions. He’d say, “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. One person will struggle with the waves and be battered about. Another person will learn to ride them. Same waves, very different experiences.” We experience waves of emotions through the course of a tournament, a round of golf, or even a single golf hole.

A young man had read all the books he could find about Zen. He heard about a great Zen master and requested an appointment with him to ask for teachings. When they were seated, the young man proceeded to tell the master everything he had understood from his reading, saying that Zen is about this and Zen is about that, on and on. After some time, the master suggested that they have tea.

The key to getting the distance right on long putts is getting a good feel for the speed of the green. Here’s a putting drill that will quickly give you a feel for the pace of the green. On a level area of the practice green, line up several balls about 20 feet away from the fringe. Set up to the first ball and focus on the distance from the ball to the fringe. Then make your regular stroke, putting toward the fringe.

Here’s a pre-round putting warm-up routine I have given tour players and amateurs alike. Step 1: Putt to nowhere. In an open area of the practice green, stroke a few putts with no target at all. Vary the distances you roll the putts. Do this until you feel your stroke is smooth and consistent.