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On Valentine’s Day, notorious bad boy and right-wing podcaster Adam Erb is found dead in the back of his limousine, his mouth stuffed full of erectile dysfunction pills disguised as candy hearts. Huck Carp, an adversary of Erb’s and a doctoral student in applied sociology, suggests to police that the perpetrator is a severe psychopath. Imagine his surprise when, in front of his would-be girlfriend, they arrest him for the crime.

Once in a lifetime, like rising cream, a literary work emerges from obscurity, penned by an author with the ability to take the listener's hand and lead him (or her, or uncommitted) on a journey of transformation that eternally changes one's perspective on life. A tome so powerful, it shakes the very foundation of contemporary thought, culture, and philosophy and challenges the value system of an entire generation. This is not that book. Still, I'm sure it will come in handy somehow.

This just in from The Onion, America's finest news source.