This episode is sponsored by ParentAgent.

Founder Barbara Ballard spent twenty years in UX and still missed her own kid's early dismissal. So she built ParentAgent. It reads the school and activity email and hands you the list — school, camp, sports, both kids. It doesn't train on your family's data, doesn't sell it, and you can delete all of it. It’s free to start, at parentagent.io/L2.

I’m gonna say something that’s going to shock everyone listening.

I went to a three-day event. By myself. On an airplane. With a bunch of strangers.

And I really freaking enjoyed myself.

I’m painfully introverted. Usually three days of peopling leaves my social battery so drained that I’m never talking to another human again. This time I came home tired, but the good kind.

Here’s the thing. It was a room full of health tech founders who have been where you are and know the way out. Nobody bragged about their successes. We talked a whole lot about failures. No judgment.

Also, I was so hyperfocused on my to-do list in the hotel lobby that I almost walked face first into Kevin Durant. I didn’t recognize him. It was like seeing a fish on land.

Then on Ask L2: a listener runs a one-person business, hasn’t taken a week off in three years, and is starting to resent the thing they built to get free. Where do you even start?

Do as I say, not as I do. Turn your freaking phone off.

Chapters

00:00:00 Cold open

00:00:31 Welcome to You’re Not Too Much

00:00:45 Brace yourself

00:01:25 I really freaking enjoyed myself

00:02:00 Are we sure this is New Jersey?

00:02:54 Fancy food and one coconut cheesecake

00:03:47 Invigorating, not exhausting

00:04:17 People who have been where you are

00:05:01 Reentry whiplash

00:06:15 Nobody suspected I never wear shoes

00:06:40 Counting backward

00:07:45 Two hours of hyperfocus in the great room

00:09:17 Wait, strangers just start conversations?

00:10:02 A very tall man on the stairs

00:11:39 Like seeing a fish on land

00:11:57 "You saw Kevin Durant?"

00:12:42 The guests who wouldn’t check out

00:13:31 What else did I miss?

00:14:55 Ask L2: no week off in three years

00:15:54 Turn your freaking phone off

00:16:50 The false economy of never resting

00:17:43 All I want is to not be needed

00:17:58 Nothing will fall apart in one week

00:18:31 Love you, mean it

More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

I've been doing this podcast for 18 months, and I am still mortified that I have a podcast.

Newsflash: that has not changed.

What has changed is everything else. Last month our tiny show — me, in my office, running my mouth into a microphone — showed up on the US mental health chart one row above Sanjay Gupta's podcast. We passed 400,000 downloads. We became a network. A sponsored network.

And every single time, my brain said that's probably not gonna last. Or somebody made a mistake.

Here's the thing.

I have three exits. I run a consulting company. And at my core, I am still that 12-year-old girl who is very concerned that you're not gonna come to my birthday party.

We can be wildly successful and also that little kid. That's kinda gotta be okay.

Also in this one: You're Not In Charge of the Scale, the new show on our network from pediatrician Dr. Stephanie Walsh. Five more shows in production. Why sponsors won't change a single thing about my mouth.

And on Ask L2, a listener bought 14 project management apps and still runs the whole business off sticky notes. Is that a system?

Yes. Is it a good system? No. Does it have to be?

Chapters

00:00:00 Cold open

00:00:47 Welcome to You're Not Too Much

00:01:01 18 months in and still mortified

00:02:45 Why my brain won't let me enjoy a win

00:03:46 My producer told me not to look at the charts

00:05:33 One row above Sanjay Gupta

00:07:34 Before my brain undoes it

00:08:29 400,000 downloads

00:08:56 Wildly successful and still that 12-year-old girl

00:10:01 Big news: we're a network

00:10:36 Meet You're Not In Charge of the Scale

00:11:07 Five more shows in production

00:11:53 We're a sponsored network

00:12:43 A year ago, this was a pipe dream

00:14:16 Will sponsors change what I say?

00:16:02 Ask L2: 14 apps and a business run on sticky notes

00:19:06 Is it a system? Is it a good one?

00:20:10 It's 12:12

More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com

Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

Content note: the second half of this episode talks about sexual assault.

Senior year. AP Government. A teacher who was also a lawyer, who made us call him Doctor, and who told us in literally every class to question authority.

So one day, we did.

The test he left made no sense. We talked it through as a class, decided not to take it until he could clarify, and left him a signed note explaining why.

He came back furious. Threatened to fail all of us. Gave us a presentation on groupthink. Then assigned us two five-page essays.

It took me years to understand what that was.

They assign essays when they're embarrassed that you did what they taught you to do.

Which is why I can't stop thinking about Cornell, where a lawsuit filed this month says a woman was sexually assaulted by seven fraternity members in 2024, and that some of them were allowed to write an essay to keep their place at school. Cornell says essays weren't anybody's only consequence. I'd love to see the rest of the list.

The two stories are miles apart. The intent behind the punishment is the same.

This is cultural. It's not an accident. And an essay is not a punishment.

Since I recorded this, the Tompkins County District Attorney has reopened the criminal investigation and says the case is going to a grand jury.

00:00:00 Cold open

00:00:19 Welcome to You're Not Too Much

00:00:33 The teacher who made us call him Doctor

00:04:05 The test nobody could take

00:06:38 He came back the next day

00:08:48 About that doctorate

00:11:47 The point: Cornell and the essay

00:14:37 This is cultural, not an accident

00:15:24 Miles apart. Same intent.

00:17:52 Cornell should be ashamed

If this brings anything up for you, RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline is free, confidential and open 24/7. Call 800-656-4673, text HOPE to 64673, or chat at rainn.org.

More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Leave me a voicemail at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

This episode is sponsored by Aging Together. Founded by occupational therapist Dr. Pooja A. Patel, Aging Together helps families navigate aging and caregiving before it becomes a crisis. Start your journey today at aging-together.com/nottoomuch where you can use discount code NOTTOOMUCH10 for $10 off the already-discounted elder care planning bundles.

I don't want to brag, but I am very advanced for my age.

Not in the good way. My short-term memory is gone, my word recall has the range of somebody thirty years older than me, and my entire skill set is words. That's it. That's the whole job.

I lost the word for grass. In a yard. Looking at grass.

So this one is me trying to work out what's actually going on in there — perimenopause, dehydration, the crushing existential dread of this timeline, or the sheer number of people who need something from me at any given time. Spoiler: it's all of it.

We get into what it actually costs to be the person everyone offloads to, why delegating something and then having to chase it isn't delegating at all, and why my calendar is now the only place reality is stored.

And Janna asks whether hyperfocus is an asset in a small business or just expensive, which I did not enjoy being asked.

If you're finding yourself unable to find your words, they're fine. They're in a field somewhere having a lovely time without you.

Come stand in the corner with me. We can cry together.

Chapters

00:00:00 Cold open

00:00:45 Welcome to You're Not Too Much

00:00:59 I am very advanced for my age

00:01:38 The word was grass

00:02:26 My entire skill set is words

00:03:08 You want some anxiety? I've got extra

00:03:31 Shiny object, and the link I never click

00:05:29 What it's actually like in here

00:06:21 I could tell you where I got everything in my closet

00:06:58 I don't remember where I got these kids

00:07:12 Why this timeline is making it worse

00:09:11 The personal load on top of the cosmic one

00:10:38 Delegating isn't offloading

00:12:53 Break

00:12:57 The anxiety that never switches off

00:13:38 Two thoughts, all the time

00:14:51 Every time the phone pings

00:15:50 Healthcare. That's the thing that we do.

00:16:46 Come stand in the corner with me

00:17:25 Ask L2: is hyperfocus an asset or just expensive?

00:21:47 Love you, mean it

More at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com · Got a question for Ask L2? Leave it at yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

It was like a switch flipped.

I had a job. Jobs are good. We like jobs. It paid my bills, it sucked, it was awful, and it was crushing my soul — and I had decided that's just what being an adult is. My whole life was operating in shades of gray. Not the interesting kind. Nothing was exciting, and it didn't even occur to me that things were supposed to be.

Then one insidious thought got into my brain: if the alternative to this sucks and this already sucks, why not try the new suck?

Thirty seconds later I was done. My CEO sent me a Slack at 8:30 one morning — not the worst thing he'd ever said, honestly pretty benign — but the glass was already broken, and you can't put glass back together. Resignation letter, thirty minutes later. Zero plan. Zero idea what was next.

I don't regret it. The whole life I have now came out of that one decision.

But I wish I'd done it differently, and that's the actual episode.

Then an Ask L2 from Tanya: do you tell a new client you're neurodivergent before you start, or are you just handing them a reason to be weird about you for six months?

And if you want the version of this with actual people in the room, we've just launched Leave Your Sh*tty Job over at What The Fractional. It's pay what you can, the minimum is a dollar, and the point of it is that you end up leaving or staying because it's the choice you made, not the one you got forced into: https://whatthefractional.com

🎧Every episode: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.com

📞Leave me a voicemail: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

💬 Come find the rest of us: https://alwaysquirky.com

I miss my dad. You know that.

What you might not know is that he was a forensic psychiatrist for 55 years, I ran his practice for 10 of them, and on a case like Lindsay Clancy's, he's exactly who would've been called to testify. So for the last couple of weeks I've had his voice in my ear. Screaming.

Not about postpartum illness. That conversation is correct — women get sick after babies, they're scared to say so, they deserve better help. All of it, yes.

He'd be screaming because that's not what happened here.

Lindsay Clancy was diagnosed bipolar. That came out at trial. She was complaining of racing thoughts, worsening intrusive thoughts and no sleep, and somebody's answer was to increase her antidepressant — a thing that is documented to make bipolar patients worse. Her illness didn't make her psychotic. Her medication did. And if we don't separate "postpartum illness" from "shit-ass medical care," every woman who's already scared to disclose gets more scared.

I'm not a clinician. I say that about six times in this episode. This is his rant, from beyond the grave, delivered by the person who sat in the depositions.

Heads up: this one talks about postpartum mental illness, bipolar disorder, the Lindsay Clancy case (including the deaths of her children) and, briefly, suicide. Look after yourself.

If you're postpartum and struggling: Postpartum Support International, 1-800-944-4773.

If you're in crisis: call or text 988.

Idris Elba jumped off my nightstand at three o'clock in the morning.

Ten minutes before my alarm. Which was also set for three o'clock in the morning, because I had that much work to get to. There is nothing in that room that can fall, and I lay there in the dark going "what?"

So Kyle and I went looking for the piece, under nightstands that have about an eight-inch gap at the bottom.

⏱️ Chapters

00:00:00 I named my CPAP Idris Elba

00:00:11 3am: the thunk

00:00:45 The clip is broken

00:01:28 One plastic clip is my entire edge

00:01:58 Under the nightstand

00:02:27 I am leaving the dust bunnies

00:02:46 Kyle was not leaving the dust bunnies

00:03:15 Vacuuming at 11pm

Every time I talk publicly about being a woman at work, the first response is the same. It’s never "that sounds hard." It’s "well, I had a terrible boss once, and she was a woman."

Yeah. Okay. Women are allowed to suck, too. Plenty of men suck and we just accept that as fine.

So this episode is about the two women you’re allowed to be in a workplace that was not built for you. The one who shrinks to fit — who gets told she’s too big, too loud, too many ideas, and folds all of it up inside herself, hands her ideas to somebody else so they’ll get heard, stops saying the thing she knows is going to go wrong. And the one who strikes to kill — who was taught there’s only ever room for one of her, so she leaves no space for the next one coming up behind.

They’re the same woman. Same message, two ways out. You are not allowed here, you should feel lucky we let you in, and if you’re uncomfortable with how we do things then you should shut up or leave.

I’ve talked to thousands of women over the last five years who live inside that, and I lived inside it myself. I’m the person who had to hand her idea to the nearest male coworker because it would be taken seriously from him and ignored from me.

All of that is evidence of a problem with the workplace. It is not evidence of a problem with you.

You are not intimidating. They’re intimidated. Nobody is going to make them do the work to find out why you’re such a threat, so you’re going to stay a threat — but you do not have to make yourself smaller to fix something you didn’t break. You’ve been the same person the whole time.

You are not too much. They are not enough.

Plus: breaking news on the semicolon rant, in which four actual English professors turn up to tell me I was right. And an Ask L2 from Kieran, who wants an exemption from the don’t-fight-with-pigs rule for a pig who owes him $4,000.

CHAPTERS

00:00:00 "You are not allowed here"

00:00:23 Welcome to You’re Not Too Much

00:00:37 What always happens when I talk about women at work

00:01:08 Women are allowed to suck, too

00:01:46 I wish you the success of the mediocre white male

00:02:25 Persona one: the woman who shrinks to fit

00:04:13 Persona two: the woman who strikes to kill

00:05:09 Both of those are the same thing

00:06:37 Thousands of women, same paradigm

00:07:57 Give it to your nearest male coworker

00:08:19 A problem with the workplace, not a problem with you

00:08:28 You are not intimidating. They’re intimidated.

00:09:03 What you actually owe a job you need

00:09:44 You are not too much

00:10:04 They are not enough

00:10:57 Do enough to survive, then find a place that doesn’t suck

00:11:05 Ten thousand levers you don’t need to pull

00:11:20 You’ve been the same person the whole time

00:11:55 Your five to nine is better than your nine to five

00:12:03 A toxic waste dump and no hazmat suit

00:12:31 What professionalism actually means

00:12:57 Why the show is now called You’re Not Too Much

00:13:25 Breaking news: the semicolon rant, vindicated

00:15:26 Ask L2 — "This pig owes me $4,000"

00:16:37 You can have whatever tone you want

00:17:15 The strongly worded email

Every episode: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.com

Leave me a voicemail: https://yourenottoomuchpodcast.com/voicemail

Come find the rest of us: https://alwaysquirky.com