You know what you struggle with in bed, and you're probably pretty hard on yourself about it. But if I ask what you're good at, do you go blank? Focusing on our deficits is just what brains do, but it costs us more than we think.

You're not broken, and you are not starting from zero.

I spend a lot of time on this show talking about what gets in the way. Shame, performance, the stories you absorbed about your body. That work matters. But there's a flip side that gets overlooked: you almost certainly have sensual and sexual strengths right now that you have never once given yourself credit for. The things that come easily to us just feel like the water we swim in, so we assume everyone has them and we don't count them as anything.

And that costs you, because when all you can see is the gap between where you are and where you want to be, you start using that gap as proof you'll never get there.

In this episode:

• Why fixating on what's missing quietly undermines your ability to get there
• The tale of two Lauras: the softball season I quit before it ended, and the Olympic weightlifting I'm still doing and loving
• How measuring backwards from where you started keeps motivation alive
• Sixteen categories of sensual and sexual superpowers, from knowing your erogenous zones to flirting, receiving, consent, imagination, and taking your time
• Why nobody has all of them, and why you don't have to work on everything
• An exercise to find your own, and what to do once you have the list

Getting out of performance isn't only about putting down the act. It's also about finding out what's underneath it and owning that. You can't stop performing if you don't believe you have anything real to offer without the performance. You do.

Topics: sexual confidence, sexual self-esteem, body confidence, embodiment, pleasure, sexual shame

Send Laura Fan Mail

Get my free guide: Get Out of Your Head: A Starter Guide to Releasing the Pressure, Shame, and "Shoulds" Around Intimacy at https://laurajurgens.com/guide

More links:
Substack at https://laurajurgens.substack.com/

Wheel of Erotic emotions, go to: https://laurajurgens.com/wheel

Copyright notice: All content in this podcast is copyrighted and copying, scraping, data mining, or using the content to train AI is prohibited.