When did you start making your own choices? And how many of those choices are actually yours, rather than decisions you've made to satisfy somebody else's expectations about who you're supposed to be?

I started thinking about this because of something as simple as music. I'm a Black man who grew up listening to Marvin Gaye and the Temptations, learned to play classical flute, and discovered Kiss and Black Sabbath along the way. Apparently, even what music we're supposed to enjoy can come with somebody else's rules.

But this goes a hell of a lot deeper than music.

Growing up, I was surrounded by expectations about who I should date, who I should marry, and what love was supposed to look like. My parents told me they loved me while doing things that left me questioning what love actually meant and what I was worth.

And those definitions don't necessarily disappear when we become adults.

So when you say you want a loving relationship, whose definition of love are you using? Have you actually decided what love means to you, or are you still carrying around somebody else's version?

I'm not telling you to reject everything you've been taught or go digging through your childhood. I'm asking whether the choices you're making today reflect who you genuinely want to be.

Because the way you see yourself, the conversations you have with yourself, and the definitions you've accepted about love all lend themselves to the relationships you're living.