Somewhere around 12 or 13, most kids make a quiet decision about themselves: that they're likable, or too much, that they belong, or that they're better off not needing anyone. It usually happens over something small, like a friend who stopped texting back.

Psychologist Dr. Marisa Franco, author of Worth (and Platonic), sits down with Dr. Sheryl to talk about what's actually happening in that decision and what it takes to undo it. Dr. Franco breaks down the real difference between self-esteem and self-worth: one kind of high self-esteem pushes shame away and gets defensive the moment it surfaces, the other lets it in. Only one of them, her research suggests, actually predicts good relationships.

They get into why telling a kid "you're so great" can backfire (it can feel like being armored up for a harder fall), why unprocessed memories don't just record the past, they predict the future, and what to do instead: slow down, get curious, and let your kid feel witnessed instead of fixed. Dr. Franco also talks about her own therapy, why she now calls herself "secure-ish," and the phrase Dr. Sheryl coins mid-conversation that sums up the whole episode: confess to yourself first.

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Good Inside’s Dr. Becky and Dr. Sheryl have a new show on YouTube - Teens & Screens, a bi-weekly video series helping parents navigate today's biggest technology questions. Watch on youtube.com/@goodinside.

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