The holidays can be stressful for any couple—but for neurodiverse partners, surprises, travel, and changes in routine can make the season especially tough. In this short bonus episode, Jodi shares a sneak peek from her upcoming interview with Randall and Ashley Rowland, who open up about what makes holidays challenging for them and the “plan B” strategies that keep things calm and connected. It’s just 9 minutes long, and it might make your holidays a little easier too.

Watch this bonus episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/8AztxuKAFjQ

Join the Neurodiverse Relationship Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships

Get access to Jodi's Holiday Stress Buster Toolkit for Neurodiverse Couples and learn practical tools to help your holidays run smoothly.

When you first realize that autism or ADHD is part of your relationship, it’s so common to encounter “doomsday” narratives online—stories that make neurodiverse couples feel destined for disconnection.

In this episode, Mike and Amy are back for Part 2 to share what actually happens after the discovery and how they’ve stayed connected through burnout, resentment, emotional differences, and communication challenges.

Mike was identified as autistic in adulthood, long after their relationship began. Together, they talk honestly about the shifts they had to make, the misunderstandings that once felt overwhelming, and the unexpected strengths autism brings into their home and partnership.

If you missed Part 1, I encourage you to listen to that episode first. It covers how they discovered Mike is autistic and the early strategies that helped them build a more workable, sustainable rhythm together.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why so much advice about autistic–neurotypical couples feels negative
• The strengths, focus, and “superpowers” autism brings into daily life
• How Mike recognizes autistic burnout earlier and what helps prevent shutdowns
• The difference between being angry at your partner vs. angry about the situation
• How gender roles and emotional labor shape hetero neurodiverse relationships
• Communication tools that have made a difference—soft startups, scripting, and meta-messages
• What both autistic and allistic partners need when they’re at different stages of awareness or acceptance

We also speak directly to therapists and coaches about the importance of understanding neurodiversity as its own specialty and how easily it’s misidentified without the right training.

About Today's Guests

Mike and Amy have been together for 18 years. Mike discovered he is autistic four years ago, which opened up a completely new understanding of their relationship dynamic. Today, he advocates for autistic adults and is currently writing a forthcoming memoir on late-diagnosed autism.

Amy is a licensed therapist in Illinois and a coach for clients in other states. She specializes in supporting autistic adults, partners in neurodiverse relationships, and parents raising neurodivergent children. She also trains other clinicians in recognizing adult autism and working effectively with neurodiverse couples.

Connect with Amy: amatthews@prairiewellness.org Learn more: prairiewellness.org

About Your Host

I’m Jodi Carlton, a neurodiverse relationship coach with more than 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, educator, and author. As a neurodivergent woman who spent 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raised neurodivergent children, I bring both professional expertise and lived experience to this work. I help individuals, couples, and families around the world find clarity, confidence, and connection in their neurodiverse relationships.

Explore resources, quizzes, and courses: jodicarlton.com Questions? Contact me: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

When autism or ADHD first shows up in a relationship—especially through a late diagnosis—it can feel confusing, overwhelming, or even destabilizing. Many couples begin searching for answers only to find negative, discouraging narratives about neurodiverse partnerships.

In this episode, I talk with Mike and Amy, a couple who discovered as adults that Mike is autistic. Their story is deeply relatable for anyone navigating a new understanding of neurodiversity in themselves or their partner. They share openly about the early misunderstandings, mismatched expectations, and emotional tensions that shaped their marriage—and the strategies they put in place to protect their connection instead of slipping into resentment.

This conversation offers a grounded, human look at what really happens when a diagnosis reframes your entire relationship dynamic.

In this episode, we talk about:

• How Mike’s late autism discovery reshaped their understanding of past conflicts

• The early signs and communication patterns they didn’t recognize at the time

• Why so many couples feel “blindsided” before diagnosis

• How masking, missed cues, and emotional differences created tension

• What helped them shift from frustration to clarity

• The early strategies that made life more workable and reduced resentment

• How they built trust and safety while adjusting to a major identity shift

Mike and Amy’s honesty brings so much relief to listeners who feel alone, confused, or stuck in patterns they can’t explain. Their story also sets the foundation for Part 2, where we explore burnout, emotional labor, and more advanced communication tools.

About Mike & Amy

Mike and Amy have been together for 18 years. Mike discovered he is autistic four years ago, which provided language and clarity for years of misunderstandings neither of them knew how to name. Today, Mike advocates for autistic adults through writing and organizational leadership. Amy is a licensed therapist and coach who specializes in supporting autistic adults, their partners, and parents raising neurodivergent children.

📧 Connect with Amy: amatthews@prairiewellness.org 🌐 Learn more: prairiewellness.org

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About Your Host

I’m Jodi Carlton, a neurodiverse relationship coach with more than 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, educator, and author. I’m also neurodivergent myself, diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. My work is rooted in both clinical expertise and lived experience—19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children. I help neurodiverse couples and families gain clarity, communication skills, and emotional confidence so their relationships can genuinely thrive.

Explore resources, quizzes, and courses: jodicarlton.com Questions? Contact my team: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

Accommodating neurodiversity doesn’t have to mean resentment or burnout. In this episode, we explore how a neurodiverse relationship can thrive when both partners learn to balance self-accommodation and mutual respect.

Coaches Jeremy & Charity Rochford show how neurodivergent partners can self-accommodate (not outsource to neurotypical spouses) and how neurotypical partners can set boundaries that protect their own bandwidth. You’ll learn concrete tools—transition buffers, noise strategies, visual timers—and how a shared relationship system replaces score-keeping with reciprocity.

If you’ve been told to “just run” from a neurodiverse relationship, this episode offers a smarter path. Jeremy (autistic) & Charity (neurotypical) (hosts of the NeuroFam podcast) join Jodi to show how reframing autism/ADHD from problem to predictable pattern unlocks real solutions. We dig into practical rituals that improve connection without enmeshment, plus we explore why “effort is invisible” and how accommodations can increase connection instead of being sacrifices for either partner.

Jeremy explains his “software upgrade” mindset (strengthening theory of mind/executive function like training a muscle), while Charity shares how compassion + structure reduce resentment. You’ll leave with scripts, rituals, and a way to accommodate needs without erasing yourself.

00:00 – Welcome to Season Five

01:00 – Meet Jeremy & Charity

04:45 – Autism isn’t the problem: Updating the ‘80s narrative

09:40 – How kid diagnoses led to adult discoveries (and relief)

14:20 – Compassion shifts: Seeing sensory overload vs. “too much”

18:30 – “Software upgrades”: Building empathy & executive function

22:10 – Accommodations that work: Earbuds, car rules, visual timers

29:10 – Resentment vs reciprocity: Why effort is invisible

33:00 – Build a marriage system: Make expectations explicit

35:20 – Accommodate without erasing yourself (Disney example)

👥 Meet Jeremy & Charity Rochford

Jeremy and Charity Rochford—known as Team Rochford—are certified life coaches and co-founders of NeuroFam, where they specialize in coaching for neurodiverse couples, parents, and families. Married for 25 years and raising two autistic children, they blend professional expertise (Jeremy has a BA in Communication Studies; Charity a BA in Psychology) with lived experience to deliver a truly balanced perspective.

NeuroFam’s coaching is forward-focused and results-based—helping families create practical systems, reduce resentment, and build relationships that thrive. Jeremy works primarily with autistic/ADHD men, fathers, and young adults, while Charity supports neurotypical partners, mothers, and women navigating ND/NT family dynamics.

🔗 Resources Mentioned in This Episode

• NeuroFam website https://www.neurofam.com

• NeuroFM Podcast https://www.ourneurofam.com/neuro-fm-podcast

• Book: Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen https://www.stoneandheen.com/thanks-feedback
• Course: How to Communicate in Your Neurodiverse Relationship https://jodicarlton.com/courses/relationship-2-0-crack-the-communication-code/

• Tony Attwood https://www.attwoodandgarnettevents.com/

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👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

🔔 Help the algorithm help other couples — Like, Subscribe & Share!

Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.

#NeurodiverseRelationship #AutismInMarriage #ADHD

Autistic + ADHD partners often collide around regulation. Here’s how to stop the clashes and build connection with real-world scripts, rituals, and repeatable practices.

If you need clear, practical tools to make a neurodiverse relationship feel calmer and more connected, this episode delivers! Jodi and licensed counselor Greg Fuqua (late-identified autistic) break down exactly how autistic self-regulators and ADHD co-regulators can stop clashing and start syncing up—so both partners feel seen, safe, and respected.

Greg shares the exact rituals he and his wife use after 30+ years together—like a 20–30 minute transition buffer before reconnecting after time apart, a simple “commute-call” habit that creates connection without pressure, and a prepare → attune → debrief framework for handling events like parties or family gatherings.

You’ll hear why effort often feels invisible, why “fair” doesn’t always mean equal, and how shifting from content fights to process check-ins changes everything. We also dig into scripts for setting capacity limits, what shutdowns and alexithymia look like, and a quick connect → ground rhythm you can try today.

If you missed Part 1, circle back for the mindset shifts that make these tools stick.

💡 This episode is especially helpful for:

• Autistic–ADHD couples who keep clashing over how they calm down or connect
• Partners who want closeness without losing themselves (empathy + boundaries)
• Late-identified adults looking for simple scripts and daily rituals to cut conflict and feel safer together

00:00 – Intro: From Mindset to Methods in Neurodiverse Love

02:02 – Self-Regulation vs. Co-Regulation: Why Couples Clash

06:57 – The 20–30 Minute Transition Ritual That Prevents Conflict

10:35 – Why “Effort Is Invisible” (and How to Stop Keeping Score)

18:13 – The Commute-Call Ritual That Builds Daily Attunement

27:07 – Prepare → Attune → Debrief: A Framework for Events

35:34 – Final Takeaway: Relationships Require Constant Renegotiation

About Greg Fuqua:

Greg Fuqua, MA, LMHC, is a late-identified autistic therapist specializing in neurodiverse counseling and couples therapy. With over 30 years of personal experience in a neurodiverse marriage, Greg brings rare insight to his clinical work, blending lived experience with professional expertise.

Formerly a professional artist and art professor for 23 years, Greg integrates creativity and empathy into his strength-based, person-centered approach. He is an Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist (ASDCS) and Level 2 AANE-trained neurodiverse couples therapist, as well as co-host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast with Mona Kay.

Greg leads Divergent Counseling in West Des Moines, IA, where he supports individuals, couples, families, and organizations in building healthier, more authentic relationships.

Resources:

• Greg’s website: https://www.gregfuqua.com/
• Neurodiverse Connections Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@NeurodivergentConnections/featured
• More from Jodi: Visit jodicarlton.com (free resources, assessments, and courses) • Watch Part 2 of my conversation with Greg: Coming Soon: October 1!
• Questions? Email: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

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👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

🔔 Help the algorithm help other couples—Like, Subscribe & Share!

Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.

Why do neurodiverse couples clash so often? Licensed counselor Greg Fuqua shares the hidden patterns—and how to finally break them.

If your neurodiverse relationship feels like a boxing ring—or you keep looping the same arguments—this episode gives you a new playbook. Jodi sits down with licensed counselor Greg Fuqua (late-identified autistic) to talk about what really changes things: shifting from blame to inner work, breaking the cycle of “negative assumptions of wrongness,” and why individual therapy often helps autistic/ADHD couples more than traditional couples counseling.

Greg also shares the turning point in his own 30-year marriage: a career collapse, intrusive suicidal thoughts, and the affect-based therapy that cracked open his emotions and rebuilt his capacity for connection.

You’ll come away with practical language you can use today, a clearer map of autistic–neurotypical differences as strengths (not flaws), and a preview of Part 2, where we dive into specific co-regulation and attunement tools you can practice at home.

💡 This episode is especially helpful for:

• Autistic/ADHD–NT couples who keep circling the same argument
• Late-identified adults reframing a lifetime of “why am I like this?”
• Partners tired of score-keeping who want practical, non-pathologizing tools

00:00 – Season 5 Intro: Can Neurodiverse Relationships Really Work?

01:06 – Meet Greg Fuqua: Late-Identified Autistic Therapist

01:51 – Why Neurodivergent Therapists See Things Differently

02:30 – Inside AANE’s Level 2 Couples Training

07:21 – Relational Trauma & the “Assumption of Wrongness”

12:33 – Greg’s 30-Year Marriage: Struggles, Turn-Taking & Survival

17:46 – From Suicidal Thoughts to Healing & Authenticity

29:21 – The Secret to Making Neurodiverse Relationships Work

About Greg Fuqua:

Greg Fuqua, MA, LMHC, is a late-identified autistic therapist specializing in neurodiverse counseling and couples therapy. With over 30 years of personal experience in a neurodiverse marriage, Greg brings rare insight to his clinical work, blending lived experience with professional expertise.

Formerly a professional artist and art professor for 23 years, Greg integrates creativity and empathy into his strength-based, person-centered approach. He is an Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinical Specialist (ASDCS) and Level 2 AANE-trained neurodiverse couples therapist, as well as co-host of the Neurodiverse Love podcast with Mona Kay.

Greg leads Divergent Counseling in West Des Moines, IA, where he supports individuals, couples, families, and organizations in building healthier, more authentic relationships.

Resources

• Greg’s website: https://www.gregfuqua.com/
• More from Jodi: Visit jodicarlton.com (free resources, assessments, and courses)
• Questions? Email: gethelp@jodicarlton.com

—

👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

What It’s Like to Be Face Blind in a Neurodiverse Relationship

Ever mistaken a stranger for your spouse? Journalist and author Sadie Dingfelder has—because she’s face blind. In this episode of Your Neurodiverse Relationship, Sadie and her husband Steve share what it’s like to navigate marriage when both partners are neurodivergent in different ways.

From ADHD to prosopagnosia (face blindness), this conversation is filled with relatable moments, honest insights, and laugh-out-loud stories. Sadie discusses how discovering her own neurodivergence led to writing her debut book, “Do I Know You?”, while Steve reflects on living with ADHD since childhood and what finally helped him understand how his brain works. Together, they talk with host Jodi Carlton about cognitive empathy, relationship conflict, and what it really takes to make a neurodiverse marriage thrive.

If you're in a neurodiverse relationship—or love someone who is—this episode offers validation, wisdom, and the reminder that being “on the same team” is everything.

00:00 – Welcome to Season Five

01:00 – “I Thought I Was Neurotypical”: Meet Sadie & Steve

04:40 – Mistaking a Stranger for Your Spouse?! Discovering Face Blindness

09:15 – How COVID Changed Everything in Their Marriage

13:50 – “We’re Living in Different Realities”: Cognitive Empathy Explained

19:10 – ADHD Meds, Creativity & Finding What Actually Works

25:00 – The Secret to Making Neurodiverse Relationships Work

✨ About Sadie Dingfelder & Steve Hay:

Sadie Dingfelder is a science journalist with a sharp wit and a deep curiosity about hidden neurodiversity. In her debut book, “Do I Know You? A Faceblind Reporter’s Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory, and Imagination”, she unpacks what it’s like to live with prosopagnosia (face blindness) while taking readers on a fascinating tour of the brain’s inner workings. A former reporter for the Washington Post Express, Sadie is known for blending humor and insight—whether she’s reviewing every bathroom on the National Mall or playing a priceless Stradivarius at the Smithsonian. Her writing has appeared in The New Yorker, National Geographic, Washingtonian, and other major publications.

Steve Hay is an engineer and aspiring scientist who is currently developing an augmented reality art project that simulates prosopagnosia by using AI to subtly distort faces in real time. Before turning his focus to brain and perception research, Steve worked as a Navy nuclear engineer and later in the green energy sector, applying AI and machine learning to grid-scale energy storage. His work blends scientific insight, creative experimentation, and a knack for making the invisible visible.

📚 Check out Sadie’s book “Do I Know you? A Faceblind Reporter’s Journey into the Science of Sight, Memory and Imagination.” https://www.amazon.com/Know-You-Faceblind-Reporters-Imagination/dp/0316545147

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👩‍💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd

Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change.

👉 Explore more episodes, free resources, quizzes, and courses:

https://jodicarlton.com

🔔 Don’t Forget to Like, Subscribe & Share!

Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.