The best counsel skilled therapists give to those who want to help survivors of abuse: do no harm. In this episode, Pattie Krohn and Paige Payne start there—with what survivors themselves want us to know. They name what abuse and victimization actually feel like from the inside, distinguish between the two with care, and explore what God says about those who have been harmed by the power of another. They point to Jesus—the One who entered oppression to free the oppressed—and to the compassionate, clear, and comforting care that follows His example.

“Captivated by captives—Jesus entered into oppression to free the oppressed.” —Episode Anchor

In this episode:

• The difference between abuse and victimization—and why the distinction shapes how we respond
• What abuse and victimization feel like from the inside: the shame, the confusion, the physical weight, the ‘honeymoon cycle’ that keeps people stuck
• Pattie shares from her experience at a counseling center specializing in traumatized missionaries—and the counsel that shaped her care
• Guests share what it was like to name what was happening—and what helped them find their voice
• What the Bible says about victims, perpetrators, and the God who distinguishes between them
• Three movements of care: compassion, clarity, and comfort
• Why the moment of leaving an abusive situation is the most dangerous—and what caregivers need to know

Resources mentioned:

• Domestic Abuse — Darby Strickland — available wherever books are sold
• Innocence Lost: Rebuilding After Victimization — David Powlison — available wherever books are sold
• The Emotionally Destructive Marriage — Leslie Vernick — available at leslievernick.com and wherever books are sold
• On the Threshold of Hope — Diane Langberg — available wherever books are sold
• 3Crosses Church Care Page & Care Sheets and additional resources
• Luke 4:18–19; Psalm 55:6–7; Psalm 56:8; Ezekiel 34:12, 22; Philippians 2:7–8; Hebrews 13:5 — biblegateway.com

If You Are in Danger

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. You do not have to figure this out alone—please reach out

If Someone You Know is in Danger

• If someone discloses active abuse or is in immediate danger: ask directly, ‘Are you safe right now?’ If there is immediate danger, call 911.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org
• Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453

Abuse cases require professional and legal support alongside pastoral care. Connect with a pastor, licensed counselor, and where relevant, legal authorities. Do not carry this alone—and do not let others carry it alone.

For Further Support

If this episode surfaced wounds you have been carrying—whether recent or long ago—you are not alone. What was done to you was not your fault. Healing is possible, and it begins with speaking to someone safe. Consider reaching out to a trusted pastor, licensed counselor, or one of the resources above. Asking for help is not weakness. It is one of the bravest things a person can do.

Almost everyone is navigating at least one hard relationship. But not every hard relationship is the same — and knowing the difference changes everything. In this episode, Pattie Krohn and Paige Payne reframe the conversation from boundaries to wise love, welcome a guest who shares their personal journey through a difficult relationship, and explore what it looks like to walk alongside someone who is exhausted, confused, and unsure whether they are the problem.

"Let love be without hypocrisy. Detest evil; cling to what is good. Love one another deeply as brothers and sisters." — Romans 12:9–10

In this episode:

• The difference between a disappointing, difficult, and destructive relationship, and why the distinction matters
• What it feels like from the inside — the exhaustion, the shame, the spiritual confusion
• Pattie and Paige share personally from their own experiences of unhealthy relationships
• A guest opens up about what wise love required of them — and what it cost
• How to walk alongside someone in a hard relationship without handing them a formula

Resources mentioned:

• Emotionally Destructive Relationships — Leslie Vernick — available wherever books are sold
• When People Are Big and God Is Small — Edward T. Welch — available wherever books are sold
• Relationships: A Mess Worth Making — Timothy Lane & Paul David Tripp — available wherever books are sold
• 3Crosses Church Care Page & Care Sheets and additional resources
• Romans 12:9–10; John 2:24–25; John 13:1–17 — biblegateway.com

For further support: If you are in a relationship where there is physical danger, do not walk away from this alone. Reach out for help today.

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
• Text START to 88788
• If there is immediate danger, call 911

Share With Us: If this episode resonated, share it with someone and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it helps more people find the show.

Anger is not what we are — it is a language of the heart. And conflict is the ground anger grows in. In this episode, Pattie Krohn and Paige Payne get honest about their own experiences with anger, welcome a guest who shares their personal story, and explore what it looks like to walk alongside someone locked in conflict — without rushing to fix, without taking sides, and without looking away.

"Be angry and do not sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger, and don't give the devil an opportunity." — Ephesians 4:26–27

In this episode:

• What anger actually feels like: the hot side, the cold side, and the confused middle
• Why anger itself is not a sin, but how the Fall corrupts it into something destructive
• Pattie and Paige share personally from their own experiences of anger and conflict
• A guest shares their story of walking through conflict and what shifted
• Practical ways to walk alongside someone in anger without being swept into it

Resources mentioned:

• Good and Angry — David Powlison — available wherever books are sold
• Resolving Everyday Conflicts — Ken Sande — available wherever books are sold
• CCEF Podcast: "Anger" — Ed Welch and Myriam Hertzog — ccef.org/podcast
• 3Crosses Church Care Page & Care Sheets and additional resources
• Ephesians 4:26–27; Exodus 34:6; Titus 3:3–5; Psalm 4 — biblegateway.com

For further support: If conflict or anger is causing real harm in your relationships, you don't have to navigate it alone. Consider reaching out to a trusted pastor, counselor, or friend. If anger has become dangerous — involving threats or violence — please contact appropriate authorities or a licensed counselor immediately.

Share With Us: If this episode resonated, share it with someone and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it helps more people find the show.