Prince Harry takes the stand in his ongoing crusade against press intrusion, revealing that he's not a fan of wine — and, we can''t help but wonder, does that include As Ever rosé? On the other hand, Prince William declares a crusade to save pubs, and King Charles is revealed to be a late-night garden conversationalist. What a week!

What a week to sink one's teeth into royal news. We spend more time than is natural dissecting the reasoning behind Will and Kate hiring a "crisis PR manager" named Liza Ravenscroft, whose own Linkedin says... she's a specialist in crisis and reputation management. We also celebrate Kate's 44th by pondering what she ordered for lunch with her mother and sister. And finally, we celebrate one great royal relation — Tom Parker Bowles, of course — and his paean to Wetherspoon's hotels in the Daily Mail.

What do you get the man who has everything? The keys to a garden kingdom neglected by his own parents for decades! King Charles marked his 77th birthday by unveiling some very idiosyncratic new gardens at Sandringham, one of his many stately homes. In less joyous news, we learn about the mauling (but fortunate recovery!) of Queen Camilla's grand-dog. And we curiously welcome Autumn with some spoken word from Princess Kate.