⚠️ WARNING: This episode contains survival plans, domesticated seagulls, Quidditch recruitment, and dangerously high levels of nostalgia.

With Rea and Trist preparing to return to Botswana, what starts as a conversation about heading back to the bush quickly turns into an unexpectedly emotional farewell to years spent living, filming and occasionally losing their minds together in the Okavango.

The boys debate who would survive longest if abandoned in the wilderness, why Greg would be completely insufferable on a survival expedition, and whether Producer Mark is secretly the strongest member of the team.

Elsewhere, there’s flooded deltas, barefoot living, kebabs, Biscoff, Bristol street photography, Britain’s thriving Quidditch scene, and a serious proposal that Greg should solve his friendship problems by acquiring a domesticated seagull.

Plus: the reality of breaking into wildlife filmmaking, spending months waiting for a two-minute animal sequence, becoming emotionally attached to lions and leopards, and why the wild eventually stops feeling like work and starts feeling like home.

⚠️ WARNING: Wildly Off Track cannot confirm whether you would be able to identify your other half using only your sense of smell. Scientific testing is ongoing.

This week the boys discuss wildlife filmmaking, dream predator-prey sequences, and the bizarre realities of spending your life behind a camera.

Greg reveals how he once spent 19 days staring at a bird’s nest waiting for eggs to hatch, Rea explains why he thinks African wild dogs need a complete marketing rebrand, and Tristan attempts to work out what exactly a pack of 54 wild dogs is capable of hunting.

Along the way there’s warthogs chasing children, foxes in British back gardens, golden eagles carrying off unsuspecting victims, leopards tackling giraffes and a surprisingly serious debate about whether humans can recognise each other by scent alone.

Plus: wildlife conspiracies, hide work, conservation marketing, and further proof that wildlife cameramen will argue about absolutely anything if left unsupervised for long enough.

⚠️ WARNING: The bear-to-hat conversion rates discussed in this episode have not been independently verified.

Greg returns from London fascinated by Buckingham Palace, confused by royal traditions, and convinced that one bear could probably produce three ceremonial hats.

Things don’t improve from there.

The boys discuss Scotland’s national unicorn, UFOs over the Okavango Delta, tourists accidentally wandering through lion territory, and why a highly anticipated pangolin sighting turned out to be something considerably less exciting.

There’s also a safari guide who removed his shoes in preparation for a buffalo attack, mysterious floating lights in the African sky, tracking mistakes that sent vehicles across entire concessions, and Greg’s admission that he once spent over a kilometre pursuing a predator that was actually a planet.

Plus: wildlife conspiracies, professional bullshitters, Starlink satellites, celebrity Traitors strategies, and a reminder that confidence and competence are not always the same thing.

⚠️ WARNING: 🚨☢️‼️ Do not ingest snake venom - despite conversation to the contrary.

If you’re frightened of snakes, spiders, geese, meerkats, baboons or anything else with teeth, fangs, venom, claws, or a questionable attitude, proceed with caution...

With Rea back from Germany, what starts as a conversation about family roots, castles and beer quickly descends into a catalogue of childhood wildlife trauma.

Tristan reveals why he spent part of his childhood being hunted by a pet meerkat, Greg recounts the time a goose bit him in a particularly unfortunate location, and Rea explains why baboons use his roof as a giant playground slide.

Elsewhere, there’s a spider lurking in a school shoe, a puff adder mistaken for a python after a few too many drinks, professional snake-hunting dogs, and Greg admits to smuggling a four-metre Burmese python into a boarding school dormitory—with predictable consequences.

Plus: German surnames, venom myths, leopard-eating pythons, frogs in shoes, and further proof that growing up in southern Africa was wildly different to growing up almost anywhere else.

⚠️ WARNING: Wildlife filmmakers should not be trusted around scorpions, baboons, or basic health and safety…

With Rea still missing in Germany, Producer Mark steps out from behind the mixing desk once more. What follows is a deep dive into Tristan’s traumatic relationship with scorpions, including the time one stung him in bed… twice.

Elsewhere, Greg reveals an alarming desire to become a baboon, Tristan explains how he was defeated by a British fence, and there’s a behind-the-scenes look at the emotional damage caused by missed wildlife shots, why baboons are basically the Love Island contestants of the animal kingdom, and how one guide accidentally sent a safari vehicle chasing a lion that didn’t exist.

Plus: frozen mornings in the Okavango, burning trees as bush heaters, pub quiz humiliation, and Greg’s refusal to accept that a leopard probably isn’t about to kill a donkey.

⚠️WARNING: Wildlife filmmakers should not be left unsupervised in the UK…

With Rea unexpectedly disappearing to Germany, Producer Mark is dragged out from behind the mixing desk and straight into the firing line. What follows is a deep dive into accidental porn-site fame, getting headbutted in the balls by a Cameroon sheep, and why wildlife cameramen apparently have an “unspoken rule” about filming animal genitalia.

Meanwhile, Greg continues struggling to adapt to civilisation — mistaking Labradors for predators and quietly judging Bristol fashion choices like an escaped Victorian explorer.

Elsewhere: giraffe poo “Maltesers”, bushman medicine involving mongoose droppings, tracking lions on foot with absolutely no protection, and a deeply serious debate over whether a human could win in a fight with a cheetah.

Spoiler: nobody involved is qualified to answer that question.

⚠️WARNING: Khaki fever spreads faster than wildfire…

From helicopter pilots stealing every girl in Botswana, to the brutal reality of long-distance relationships in lion country, Greg, Rea and Trist unpack what really happened when romance collided with bush life. Turns out smelling like diesel, sleeping in cars and disappearing into the bush for three days straight wasn’t exactly helping their chances.

Along the way: bush gym sessions beside stalking lions, dating apps set to different continents, terrifying termite-mound toilet breaks, and the accidental discovery that “rugged wildlife cameraman” was somehow less attractive than “guy with helicopter”.

Oh — and apparently the only thing that saved them all was Khaki Fever

⚠️WARNING: The boys get territorial and take a view on how 'influencers' should operate on their patch...

Earlier this year influencer iShowSpeed arrived in the Okavango on his African tour. His USP is to race people and animals. Trist, Greg and Rea discuss the benefits of influences bringing the place they shared as a home for many years to a much wider audience...and debunk just how successful 'Show' was when he tried to race ostriches and giraffes…!