You blocked them. You cried. You told all your friends you were DONE. You gave a TED Talk about how toxic they are. And then… somehow you're back in their house. WHY?!

This week, Alyssa sits down with John Jacobs (@maybachdiamonds) to talk about why we keep going back to toxic exes, why toxic relationships can feel so addictive, and—most importantly—how the hell you actually break the cycle and move on.

John is currently experiencing his own “I know this is toxic but apparently I hate peace” era, so we're breaking it down in real time. Why are we addicted to certain people? What triggers us to go back? Why does a healthy relationship sometimes feel boring after chaos? And how do you learn to be alone without immediately downloading a dating app or texting the person you've already blocked 14 times? Why do they always rage text you and why do we get sucked in!?

Alyssa also shares how she spent two years stuck in the on-again, off-again toxic relationship cycle, what kept pulling her back, and what finally made her realize she had to get out for good. We also get into the much heavier reality of dating someone with addiction—when supporting someone turns into enabling them, how easy it is to lose yourself in someone else's problems, and why love alone can't fix another person.

We talk toxic exes, trauma bonds, codependency, relationship addiction, breakup anxiety, dating someone with addiction, boundaries, triggers, getting over an ex, learning to be alone, dating after a toxic relationship, and how to finally stop going back.

And don't worry, this is not an hour of us pretending we've reached enlightenment. We also determine that we're both lunatics, John desperately needs a hobby, therapy should probably be purchased in bulk, and sometimes the strongest boundary is simply DO. NOT. TEXT. THEM.

If you've ever Googled “Why do I keep going back to my ex?” “Why can't I get over my toxic ex?” “How do I break a trauma bond?” “How do I leave a toxic relationship?” or “How do I stop missing someone who was terrible for me?” — welcome. You've found your people.

Because missing them doesn't mean you should text them. And being lonely is still significantly cheaper than another year of therapy.

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