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You know they’re not good for you.
Your friends know it. Your family has said it more than once.
And yet, you keep going back.

Here’s what nobody told you: that pull you feel has a name. It’s called a trauma bond, and it lives in your nervous system long before it ever shows up in your decisions.

In this episode of Softspaces, I’m breaking down exactly what a trauma bond is, why it feels so much like love, and how to start telling the difference between the intensity that keeps you hooked and the real intimacy you deserve.
Because real intimacy is the capacity to tolerate closeness. A trauma bond is your body clinging to the hope that the good moments will come back.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
✔️ What a trauma bond is, and why it forms in the relationships that hurt us most
✔️ How intermittent reinforcement (the hot-and-cold cycle) wires your brain to stay
✔️ What Dr. Patrick Carnes’ work on betrayal bonds reveals about why leaving feels impossible
✔️ The signs you’re in a trauma bond, with a partner, parent, friend or even a workplace
✔️ How real vulnerability feels in your body, and how it differs from trauma bonding
✔️ A guided 4-4-6 breathing exercise to help your nervous system feel safe

☕ Tea Time
In this week’s Tea Time, we unpack a real comment from [Name] and talk about what it really takes to break the cycle.

🫖 Tea Time is brought to you by EmbodiedLife Wellness. Our signature Renewal blend combines cinnamon, sage, lavender and orange peel for a smooth sip of calm and renewal. Get yours and explore more at [www.EmbodiedLifeWell.com].

👍 If this episode helped you understand yourself a little better, hit LIKE so it reaches someone who needs it, and share it with the friend who keeps going back.

🔔 Subscribe for new episodes of Season 4: Closeness Is a Capacity.

📺 Binge the full season: www.youtube.com/@SoftSpacesPodcast

🎧 Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and all podcast platforms.

💜 If you’re in a relationship that feels unsafe, you deserve support. You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.

Softspaces is for education and is not a substitute for working with a licensed mental health professional.

Thank you for tuning in to Softspaces Podcast with Yolanda Lewis!
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and leave a review to help others find their soft space too.

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• Join the Unmuted Community for exclusive updates, member-only content, and tools for healing and personal growth. www.healwithyolanda.com
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