Have you ever walked away from an argument and replayed it for hours? Thinking about what you should've said, wondering how they could possibly not understand you, or waiting for them to make things okay?

Sometimes the argument is over, but something in you still doesn’t feel resolved.

In this episode of Not Good Enough Stuff, I’m talking about what happens during and after disagreements when you don’t feel heard or understood. Why do we explain more, get louder, cry, get angry, shut down, or apologize just to make it end? Why is it so hard to move on afterward?

We’ll explore how conflict can bring us back to younger versions of ourselves when a disagreement touches old experiences of not being heard, believed, or allowed to have feelings and needs.

I also share a personal story about realizing an adult disagreement had taken me emotionally back to about 4 years old, and how I gave that younger part of myself the repair I wasn’t getting from the other person.

There’s a difference between wanting someone to understand you and needing them to understand you before you can feel okay.

An argument ending is not the same thing as an argument being repaired.

If certain disagreements stay with you long after they’re over, this episode helps you understand what you’re actually waiting for and where that need began.

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction
01:53 When the fight becomes about being heard
02:11 Wanting vs. needing someone to understand you
03:22 Why we revert to younger ages during conflict
04:16 My experience of becoming my 4-year-old self
07:12 How to recognize the age you revert to
10:21 Overexplaining, shutting down, and replaying arguments
13:01 When your inner child is waiting for repair
17:42 Ending an argument vs. repairing it
18:09 When the other person won’t repair with you
19:37 Learning to validate your own experience
20:34 How to recognize this in your own conflicts

Resources & Links:

🌐 Visit: https://www.theinnerchildtherapist.com/

Download your FREE Not Good Enough Guide here: https://www.theinnerchildtherapist.com/free-guide-to-feeling-enough/

Connect with Me:


▶️ YouTube: @notgoodenoughstuff


📸 Instagram: https://instagram.com/theinnerchildtherapist


🎵 TikTok: https://tiktok.com/@theinnerchildtherapist


📘 Facebook: https://facebook.com/TICT.MaryBethFox

If this episode resonated with you, please follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs to hear it. Every share helps more people begin questioning the messages they never chose to believe.

Disclaimer: The information shared in this podcast is for educational and personal growth purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy, mental health treatment, or medical advice, and listening does not create a therapist-client relationship. If you need support for your unique situation, please connect with a licensed mental health professional in your area.

Music Attribution:

Music licensed through Soundstripe

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