In this special episode, FamilyLife Global directors, Neil and Sharoll Josephson share about how marriage can contribute to our holistic development as human beings. They share about the highs and lows of their own 47-year-long marriage and what has sustained them over its course.

Key quotation and references:

Website:

Familylifecanada.com

Books:

Henri Nouwen – Wounded Healers

Research:

Andrew Greely report

Quotations:

‘Marriage is our last best chance to grow up’

‘We rarely criticise somebody to better behaviour, we inspire somebody to better behaviour by believing in them’.

‘There’s something really freeing about being entirely safe’.

‘No marriage counsellor can change your heart’.

‘The resources of your spiritual heritage can touch you in places that will bless your marriage’.

‘I experienced what Blaise Pascal called a God-shaped vacuum’

‘I think there’s something wrong about the ‘you complete me idea’...I don’t believe that’s possible… there’s a misplaced spiritual hunger’.

‘We all come in to a marriage with a relational dowry’

‘If you have pretend honesty in your marriage, you will get pretend intimacy’

Harry Benson, research director of Marriage Foundation, examines the topic from the perspective of lower income groups. He addresses how the destigmatisation of pre-marital sex in the 1960s and 70s was disadvantageous for the poor, who no longer benefitted from the protection of marriage. He discusses how marriage went from being a 'cornerstone' - a foundation for life, to being a 'capstone' - a symbol of individual success and completion. He shares the findings of the Millennium Cohort - a study which revealed how the poorest couples who married were more likely to stay together than the richest couples who never married. Finally, he emphasises how 'people are hard-wired to want reliable love' and that marriage offers the best chance of receiving this.

Key references and quotations:

‘The cornerstone has become the capstone’

‘We are hardwired to want reliable love; the act of marriage itself sends a strong signal that you are serious about giving and receiving reliable love’.

‘It is easy to slide rather than decide’.

‘There is a huge buffer against poverty within the act of marriage’

‘The patriarchy is found in cohabiting relationships. The power rests with the person who is less committed’.

1970s - 9% teenage people not living with both natural parents - now 45%. Explained by marital decline.

Tony Rucinski, director of the Coalition for Marriage addresses the important issue of why it matters for parents to be closely involved in raising their children during the early years and how marriage gives families a better chance of being able to do that. He touches on how men and women are different and how the set-up of man-woman marriage is uniquely adapted to help children prepare for life in the world. Tony addresses the unique role of the family and its impact on everything from house prices and immigration to crime and overall happiness. He ends on a hopeful note, revealing how Gen-Z are turning back to marriage and its celebration of traditional values such as sacrifice, commitment and honour.

Key references and quotations:

Coaltion for Marriage Website

Books:

Erica Komisar - 'Being There'

Mary Harrington - ‘Feminism Against Progress’

Kimberly Ells - ‘The Invincible Family’