Why do children in foster care behave the way they do, and what might be happening underneath the behaviour we can see?

As foster carers, we're given a lot of training around children's behaviour.But how often do we stop and ask a different question:

What does this child believe?

What do they believe about themselves?
What do they believe about adults?
What do they believe about love, safety and relationships?

And perhaps just as importantly...

What do we believe as foster carers and how are those beliefsinfluencing the way we respond?

In this episode, Jess explores the connection between our beliefs, thoughts, reactions and behaviours, and why looking beneath behaviour can give us a very different perspective on both ourselves and the children in our care.

A child who has experienced instability, rejection, loss or adultsrepeatedly leaving may develop deeply held beliefs about whether people are safe, whether relationships last or whether they themselves are worthy of love and belonging.

Sometimes the behaviour we see on the surface may be connected to something much deeper underneath.

And as adults, we aren't exempt.

Beliefs such as "I have to keep everybody happy," "It'smy job to fix everything," or "I can't say no" caninfluence our own behaviour too, leading us to over-function, struggle with boundaries, continually pour into everyone else and eventually become exhausted or resentful.

That's why this conversation isn't simply about changing children's behaviour.

It's about developing the awareness to look deeper.

In this episode, we explore:

✨The connection between beliefs and behaviour
✨Why looking beneath a child's behaviour matters
✨How past experiences can influence beliefs about adults and relationships
✨Why some children may push away the very relationships they need
✨The beliefs foster carers can unknowingly bring into their role
✨People-pleasing, over-functioning and burnout
✨Why behaviour shouldn't always be taken personally

✨Renewing our minds through Scripture
✨Building greater self-awareness as a foster carer
✨How these principles connect with sustainable fostering

📖Scripture featured: Romans 12:2

"Be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Rather than focusing only on what we can see externally, Scripturecontinually calls us back to what is happening internally.

What are we thinking?

What are we believing?

What are we allowing to shape our minds?

Because when our thinking begins to change, the way we respond can changetoo.

The Sustainable Fostering Framework™

The Sustainable Fostering Framework™ was created to helpfoster carers look beyond simply getting through the next difficult day and begin building strong foundations for long-term sustainability.

It's not simply about learning another strategy.

It's an opportunity to reflect on your emotional, relational, financial andspiritual foundations, understand what's shaping the way you foster, and intentionally build a fostering journey that can be sustained for the longterm.

Explore the Framework at:
fosteringkingdoms.com/framework

After listening, ask yourself:

What beliefs might be influencing the way I show up in my fostering role?

And when you're faced with difficult behaviour from a child, perhaps ask a different question:

"What might this child believe that is making this responsefeel necessary to them?"

I'd love to hear what stood out to you in the comments.

If this episode helped you see behaviour differently, subscribe to Fostering Kingdoms and share it with another foster carer, social worker or professional who might benefit from the conversation.

Because when we stop looking only at behaviour and start becoming curious about what's happening underneath, we create space for greater understanding, compassion and connection.

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